Confused and Hurting

Confused and Hurting

NoelM​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2023

I recently was invovled with a Domme who was great, but after I asked her for a few minuets to calm down she blocked me and hasn't responded to any of my texts. She told me that she was my safe place and that i could trust her to always be there. I feel like I did something wrong and I am empty and numb and confused. What the hell did I do Wrong?

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2023

Hi, Noel,

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. When did it happen, how long has it been ?
In any case you don't deserve to be treated like this.
I'm happy to chat if that would help and you are welcome to message my inbox if you wish or talk on here.

G

Solace​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2023

Hello NoelM,

I am also sorry you've experienced this. Dynamics are all very different, but the strongest branch of the hypothetical tree is to treat you better than that. It is absolutely fine to request space. I am unsure of your experience but you may be aware that this is exactly what safe words are for and they are to be used at any time the need arises. Essentially they are exactly what you asked for: stop everything, give space.

It won't make the pain go away, but this change seems healthy for you. Take the time you need to recover emotionally and develop a fresh perspective of your needs in the next dynamic. If you can do so without bitterness or resentment, the wisdom you've gained though painfully won will help you. I don't believe the domme was right for you, and in my humble opinion right for anyone. Should she reach out to you again, you might feel the allure of going back, but I caution against reverting to someone who would inflict that level of emotional damage to you.

You've done nothing wrong. You are still a valuable person. Wait till the hurt goes away and keep trying.

Miki • Jan 24, 2023

Not much cofort, I'm sure but if she reacted like that to a simple request for space... she wasn't going to be worth it anyway. That demonstrated a clear cut case of immaturity on her part.

Outside of play in some dynamics, no one is anyone e'se's property... or pet.

It'll take time, it'll hurt for a while but over time you'll realize this wasn't going to work anyway. Sooner or later this cowardly ghosting act would have happened. Actually best it did now than down the road as your feelings got stronger.

I'mME • Jan 25, 2023

Yep, the 'Domme' obviously lied when they called themselves a safe space.

Re: Confused and Hurting

Slavehandler​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2023

If a domme needs to block you to communicate something or express something, they are not domme in my book. A domme should be able to have a zen mode to transfer the calmness over to the sub. That doesn't mean the sub should be difficult on purpose either. However, this domme clearly does not know how to manage her own emotions while dealing with you.

Heck, in one dynamic I make it clear that I didn't like X so I will ignore her for Y time. I even communicate why and how long I am ignoring a sub as a punishment at the very least, and more than often I do it in as a playful way as possible as they need to remember it doesn't mean I am leaving or stopped caring for them. A domme/dom should be able to communicate this without ghosting their sub. There are agreed and known discipline methods. Then there is just being an ass.

Ingénue{VK} • Feb 21, 2023

There's no safety in ghosting, least of all for the one doing it.

Sounds like you're wanting to ask what she did wrong because that's the direction in which most of your responses on this thread are going.

I hope you feel better soon.

relevitydom​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2023

You did nothing wrong. And………..you make Lemonade out of lemons. LQQK at the big picture . It’s unfortunate to experience this type of rejection when starting out in any kind of intimate relationship. As a beginner, you have the courage to explore your submission vulnerably so kudo’s to you ! Don’t allow any person to project their fears on you like you have the problem. Submission should be earned. Be thankful you didn’t waste more time and move on to someone worthy of what you have to offer. I’d say that’s a fair deal. Don’t sweat the small stuff & LQQK at the big picture.

KisforKitten​(sub female) • Feb 22, 2023

You didn't do anything wrong at all.

You showed strength and confidence in asking for space and expressing that you needed some time and you sound like you communicated it well.

Can I query, is there any chance at all that their phone has died or they aren't able to charge, something's happened in their life to prevent them from contacting you?

There is the vague possibility that the above is what has happened.

If however none of the above have happened then they have showed their extreme lack of ability to communicate with you and have shown their true colours.

It hurts so much when you trust someone and they break that trust but you have to believe that you didn't do anything wrong and you were very unfortunate in finding someone who was dishonest.

Xxxxxxx

Re: Confused and Hurting

IronWorld​(sadist male) • Feb 22, 2023

There's no way to know what happened when a ghosting occurs. Its why I try to make it a point never to engage in it.

If it was directly related to your request then she wasn't really your safe space. If it wasn't, it could literally be any reason from something as inane as "I'm not being satisfied, ergo I'm cutting you off" to "something is seriously wrong in my life and I need to shut this down" to her getting hit by a bus. There's a reason some of the most haunting horror movies out there deal with the simple concept of Not Knowing.