Who Else Here is Into Casual D/s and S&M

Greetings All:

I have been reading here for a while and a lot of the posts are about more formal and ritualistic BDSM, which is fine, my purpose is not to denigrate that or say my way is better. I would like to speak about a more casual BDSM. My wife and I would fall into that category, I am the Dom and she is my sub. I hate using labels and buzzwords, but I would say we something resembling a "Trad Wife" relationship, I am the leader of my wife in real life, and in the bedroom she is completely submissive to me. It reminds me of the old "Treat her like a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom" sayting.

If others here have similar arrangements, I would like to discuss the day to day aspects of life, training my wife and deepening her submission. I would love to here about everyone's day-to-day experiences of balancing a your partner being your sub (or Dom/me) and how it plays out in front of the vanilla world. It's fine if you are in a woman led relationship, I would like to hear from you as well.

I have a lot of topics to discuss, maybe starting with "conditioning" or slowly taking more control of my wife, not only in the bedroom, but also outside of the bedroom.

Thanks

There was a blog post somewhere about the ten different levels of D/s relationships, varying from 1) casual play to 10) total and complete, 24/7, no limits slavery with strict protocols and rituals in place at all times. I wish I could find that post or I would link to it, but basically, most average people would align between 5 and 7 on that scale; with kink and D/s play being a big part of the relationship but the sub has plenty of independence and say in the relationship dynamic, where more casual couples who occasionally experiment with it may lie more in the 1-3 range. This seems more like your speed; and each couple is different in terms of what level they are seeking. Also some relationships evolve over time from casual play to deeper levels of submission and servitude. Or vice versa.

Thank you for your reply. I know my post was rambling and didn't make much sense, so let me try again. I would like to talk about how kinky people (me) deal with having a vanilla partner (my wife) and how do I help her deepen her submission. We've been doing spanking/caning and so on for years, but now that I am retired, (she still works from home), I have time to focus on all aspects of our relationship.

What I've been doing, is very slowly turning up the intensity, she is doing phenomenally well on this journey. I know she does this not because she is a masochist/sub, but to please me. She has always been somewhat submissive in nature and we have gotten past the stigma of submitting to me that she had. I enjoy humiliation and I have been incorporating into our play and she enjoys some of it. She is also coming up with her own ideas and finding other ways to serve me.

I guess what I'm looking for is advice on as I said above, deepen her submission. She is willing to and has dressed differently when we go out and she wants some jewelry that other kinky people will recognize, but 99.9% of the world won't. I don't know if any formerly vanilla submissive women can offer me any advice on how to proceed. I wouldn't mind doing a little bit of the rituals. We have a child living with us for another 6-12 months, after that I would like to make a St. Andrews cross and tie her down and give her long slow floggings. I would also like to have her be more attentive, when we aren't playing.

Overall, I am thrilled with the way things are progressing and it really makes me love her even more deeply. I want her to enjoy the ride equally as as much as I do. She is very sexually satisfied and that does drive her willingness to be flogged, pissed on, and so on. I realize this is yet another rambling nonsensical post, but hopefully some will understand where I am coming from.

Thanks again, Ken

I have been a submissive masochistic submissive off and on since 18 (to be legal....LOL!). My first DOMME was a neighbor of ours...friend of my parents. Her late husband had been her sub...until his death in 1973. She had always been attracted to me...but waited until I was old enough to play and train. She and her late husband had built a great dungeon in a sub-basement that had been at one time a bomb shelter (remember those during the Cold War??)....Rack...table...suspension..and bondage bed, custom built with modified boat winches attached to the steel poster corners...she could pull me tight in any direction. She had about 2 dozen boots....a wide range of whips....floggers.....and a phone crank generator for shock play (which we did a lot.) I was her sub until I moved out to California at 20....no kink until moved to LA...where a co-worker became my DOMME and lover for 4 years....Different DOMMEs over the years....my ex- wife did not dabble in it..so I was chill....until we separated several years ago....now going to events and meeting pro-DOMMES..

I would love to meet a 45-60 year young DOMME who wants an established male as a sexy senior sub...and potential life partner...