How Long

How Long

burned​(sub male) • Jul 19, 2018

so....Generally Speaking.......how long should one wait?

I know...now you want to know...."Wait for What"? right.....

I do not believe there is a written rule.....anywhere...in the big ol" BDSM world...well that I have seen...but when I was in my training to be submissive in another chat...there was a discussion...about how long one should wait?

so the question is...How long should either Dom/Domme......or sub/slave.......wait to be contacted by the other? (this situation is there is a already a contract agreed on.....and they have a strong relationship.....communicate daily/hourly, even more, and know each other quite well)

so meaning if communication/contact just stops between the two. I do understand that it can depend on circumstances....but is there...or could there be a general "rule of thumb"?.......

So in my training ,..the discussion about "How long one should wait"?.......there was kind of a consensus that if 14 or more days of no contact/communication......then either one in the relationship had the right to end the contract/relationship (the discussion was in a chat room....so there was Dom/Domme....sub/slave and actually quite a few people in the chat).

Bunnie • Jul 19, 2018

I’m sure there are others who will have good advice. I’m just sending hugs ?. I understand your struggle, it’s a very difficult situation to be in. I hope you find a resolution that gives you peace.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 19, 2018

I'm going to guess this a collared situation? Are you talking a a what if?? or a real situation? If this is the case, I'd be more concerned about the others welfare...not if it was time to move on! but then again I'm old school and collars are taken seriously (even online) In my own online relationships with collars they know ALL my personal details (as I know theirs) BDSM is built on trust. if you cant trust your SO with these details, give up now and walk away. This person could be holding your life in there hands!.

Missing with no contact for longer than I should! I'd be expecting home phone calls, cell calls or even a letter and if its been a long absence, a police check on my welfare and some calls made to missing persons or hospitals. I mean no disrespect but if your partner is MIA without a BAD reason, this pretty poor behavior on her behalf. You are worth more as a submissive, even as a person you are owed common decadency on being told, that you are let go. Vanishing is rather poor behavior from a person that is supposed to care for your welfare . In this day and age there is a million and one ways to get online. Heck! total strangers will even send an email for you now days or lend you phone.

I do hope your D comes back and does have a good reason for vanishing but I do think you should think long and hard on if those reasons are good enough. I know I sound bitchie but this is more than a game...you deserve more than to be treated like a throw away item. I do also hope she is ok.

Re: How Long

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jul 19, 2018

Do'h I missed this part above. Serves me right for using my cell. Sorry for getting so heated LOL I thought/assumed it was real and not hypothetical. I'll still stand behind the basic concept. You wait til you know what happened to your "partner" as they are not disposable and have value or you wouldn't of collared them.

DrWakko • Jul 19, 2018

On the seventh day god rested. And you should too. With all this technology at ones disposal (phone call, text, kik, Skype, etc) the only reason why someone shouldn’t or can’t contact you is if they are in the hospital.

If they contact you after the seventh day it’s up to you how to handle this situation. In my opinion they better have a damn good excuse.

Good luck

DW

DrWakko • Jul 19, 2018

On a lighter note I thought this was going to be a penis post.

Miki • Jul 19, 2018

If this is a long distance arrangement and "online only" with no prior physical meeting-- I would not recommend getting the police involved for "well-being checks". Those are for those who have "real-life" contact with a given individual, as in relatives, coworkers, school friends in the case of elders "meals on wheels" and/or a buildup of mail or still even now, newspapers on the doorstep.-- who abruptly and without pre-explanation "I'm going away on vacation and it will be a 'wireless-less' one." vanish from the face of the Earth.

What was touched-upon above, account for the possibility that you've been "ghosted", especially as more time passes without word. The chances of a tragedy are actually less likely than the fact she may have simply changed her mind about everything and lacks the spine to come right out and say "Sorry, this won't work. I am saying goodbye."

Like it or not, the popularity of the internet and virtual relationships.. has strong (but not exclusive) roots in the disposable nature of the whole thing.

Sick of your Facebook friends? Zap the account. Change your email.. change your cell number. Technology makes it all easy as pie.


That's today's ray of sunshine from the peanut gallery..

"For what it's worth" I hope I am wrong.

KinkeePanda​(sub male){in service} • Jul 19, 2018

It's hard to say how long, as its contextual.

A Domme I've been casually sceneing with for 2 years asked me If I'd be their pet and requested my collar size to which I said an emphatic yes and gave them measurments

It's been almost three months since then and because of other factors. Long overseas travel, other failed plans, we have yet to get together and discuss it further. I did see them last weekend and we played, but it wasn't one on one or in any context where we could talk further.

I sent them a message early in the week to replan getting together, but, have not heard from them. The thing is I also know that they can sometimes take a long time to respond to many people including me. So I'm relatively sure it's not personal, it's just their way.

It still feels like radio silence though, which sucks. I tend to fill radio silence in my head with reasons that have no basis in reality.

As we technically haven't started any agreement outside of our casual sceneing yet. I feel bad that I place any level of expectation on them until we do set up an agreement. So it's tricky to say how long one should wait as it will always be situational but it can be frustrating and a little soul destroying when you are faced with silence..

Cyrus51 • Jul 19, 2018

I am not going to address the time issue, as in how long one should wait. But, to disrespect someone else's time, is the highest order of thoughtlessness. The most important thing to remember is that: true communication reciprocity is vital for any high-functioning relationship. Without it, there is nothing.
I use this rule in all my relationships. i.e. work, friends, business, school, romance, family, etc. Never settle for time wasters or indifference. It is like poison.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jul 20, 2018

G., I tend to agree with Wakko and I think that you already know this. Although Wakko has stated it so much better than I ever could. The reason behind it matters so very much.

Much love G.
Hugs