Question...

TheDoho​(dom male) • Oct 20, 2020

I think it depends what you are looking for. If you are looking for in person LTR it can be scary for a guy, Dom or not. If things don't work out not only do you lose your partner but also the kids who you have formed a relationship with also. If you are doing online or LDR I don't see why it would be a hold up unless the Dom is being selfish and doesn't want to share you. And if that's the case is he really what you want?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 20, 2020

Sigh. Know what the problem with blank carpet statements like this is? You're speaking for OTHERS. Seriously... Unless you mean speaking for yourself alone. But you're implying speaking for others. Either way my point is going "It's my opinion" and then saying something shouldn't be an issue for others doesn't change the fact that it's going to vary.

That aside it IS a big deal. It SHOULD be. And if it's not you're putting the kid (and potentially whoever else wants to be involved) in danger. And here's why.

Some people are (much) more kink focused and would be a BAD INFLUENCE around children. I can at least state and admit that. When people avoid you for the children topic it means one of two things (normally). Either they're that kink focused or you could perhaps be scaring them off and coming across as "moving too fast" when you mention children. Children subtract from time together. Children means "You're spending time and energy in other areas instead of on me". So naturally people will worry about wherever you can invest the time and effort into them. If you don't address those concerns then expect people to "fade away". How many talks of that nature have you had?

Pretending it's anything other then a big deal would be denial. It's your child. It's also potentially someone else's life. And they might feel like they can never be intimate with you because the child's presence prevents that. If that situation isn't addressed that can result in a unhealthy, toxic destructive environment. You'll address that for your child's sake if not your own.

Subs with kids

Bendthewill075 • Oct 20, 2020

I've never had a problem with this mostly and problems with putting the children in the school lot of times they end up at my home I don't end up there A lot of times you got to explain why mommy and daddy are in the bathroom together and the door is locked better have a second bathroom I went to one Dale's house she had teenage kids I mean they're spanking their mother and she screaming like I want her kids want to break the door down she had to yell at them to stop stop stop that blew my mood but we got back to it I guess I brought one daughter with her she actually had three of them she forgot all the school paperwork you need to get a child into school probably two kids were with her parents I later found out that she was into drugs and I later said no. We ain't doing this my ex-wife she had two kids teenage kids ain't no problem blending right in

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Oct 15, 2018

I'm about to offer what seems to be an unpopular viewpoint.

To my way of thinking, it SHOULD be a big deal...at least, if someone is considering a serious relationship, and not something casual.

I'm on the opposite side of that fence...I don't want children. And starting a relationship with someone who has them changes everything I had envisioned for myself. It would require real consideration before I became seriously involved with someone who has them. It's a commitment, even if it's not mine directly. I wouldn't rule out getting to know someone simply because they had them, but it WOULD play a role in deciding whether a relationship with that person fit for me. It boils down to deciding if the person was someone I wanted to "change" for, and how our lives fit together.

Is that an excuse to be a jerk to you or ghost you? Absolutely not. A jerk is just a jerk. And if they're not even willing to get to know you past that one aspect of your life, then I agree that they likely weren't worth your time. I just thought I'd offer a peek at the other side.

I hope you find your fit

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2018

SevenSeven​(sub female)

But because, children have mothers and although he may not be involved with that woman anymore, he still has to be in sync and connected with her to properly co-parent with her. If there's friction there, left over feelings, or issues between him and her, I don't want to be involved in that. It's not a limit for me or anything but the follow up question is always, "how is your relationship with their mother?"

That was another factor that made My decision very difficult when it came time for Me to make the committment.

SevenSeven • Oct 15, 2018

I'll be honest and say that I tend to shy away from Doms with children. Not because I don't like children, I love children and one day hope to have some of my own. But because, children have mothers and although he may not be involved with that woman anymore, he still has to be in sync and connected with her to properly co-parent with her. If there's friction there, left over feelings, or issues between him and her, I don't want to be involved in that. It's not a limit for me or anything but the follow up question is always, "how is your relationship with their mother?"

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2018

As I read the previous posts to this forum; I see many responses that would be expected to be written in answering the question posed. I agree with all those who had. Someone who has children shouldn’t be the deciding factor when it comes to whether or not a union within any relationship should or not happen. But I, Myself wanting to be honest and open to My thoughts in regard to this subject; feel as if I need to perhaps justify those who do base their objections to not wanting to enter such a relationship. I was one of those people; until recently. I hope to explain My thoughts.

In fear of highjacking this forum being I have so much to say on the subject; I ask those who wish to read My thoughts to go to My Blog entitled: Hard Truths and Personal Insightment

Is a sub having children really that much of a big deal

Samsea​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2018

I think you have been lucky as the idiots that have passed you by are just that, idiots without the common sense to see the 'real you' who comes with (I don't like the word but 'baggage' as they see it) and that can be anything or anyone. If they truly want the 'you' nothing else matters, your children and others in your life make you who you are.

Best be upfront with it from the word go as an example here is the open lines of my profile. its me so why hide it.

"Who am I? a 60 years old, fit and very clean male Domme, I am married and have been for many years however my wife is very vanilla in the bedroom and does not share my desires and tastes."

If we approach 'bdsm play' then surly honesty and truthfulness MUST be at the very forefront of our actions, sure we might loose out on the numbers who show an interest, but we must all be looking for THE ONE, and if we find her or him, then we can count ourselves lucky and if you do get a message you can be a little bit more certain they want you...

Sam

PappaBear • Oct 14, 2018

Yeah been covered but *raises hand* I’m another Dom with a kid. Wouldn’t mind a sub with kids, or if she wants kids with me. They’re too much fun not to have. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and keep filtering through all the junk , and keep your bullshit detector on high. The one you’re looking for is out there. He’ll understand and he’ll work with you.

Yodadom​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2018

Kids shouldn’t be an issue. They aren’t for me. I am a dom with kids. Kids balance your life as a partner and keep you with a good perspective and priority