Does Money Matter?

zash • Feb 2, 2020

My opinion is everyone need to be financially independent!!!

I would never let myself being dependent of someone , regardless Vanilla or DS relationship.

Life is funny sometimes and you never know when you leave or someone will leave you . Being financially dependent would make you suffer a lot. Never quit work to please someone , because if it comes the time you need to go back on the job market you will go trough hardships.

I am not a gold digger but I think that one man Dominant or not should work and be able to support himself .

I think that if the women makes more money than the man in the long term this would bother him. And he would feel insecure and than the problems begin.

Once again I am not a man so probably there would be some people not agreeing with my opinion, but this is just my thoughts .

Z

Dunimos​(dom male) • Feb 2, 2020

Very interesting question. It would depend on how that salary enters the relationship. It is easy to say it doesnt matternbutbin truth it will mattering it's not dealt with. Bunnies mentioned how some doms viewbit as a benefit or a form of service and I think that could be true. Other doms wishing forna 1950s style relationship might not view it the same. I think like everything else ots something that has to be discussed.
Especially for you, the original poster... be careful not to be taken advantage of financially.

Another point which may be of subject some is that salary and wealth are very different things. Looking forward as you attain success pay close attention to growing wealth not just income.

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 2, 2020

You might be interested in the literary critic and novelist Daphne Merkin, if you're not already familiar with her. She has had a very successful career as a book and magazine editor in New York. And she also comes from a wealthy family. VERY wealthy. So even though she was married for a while to a fairly successful visual artist (Michael Brod), she obviously had much more money that he would ever have.

And she made some rather big waves in 1997 when she published a collection of essays titled "Dreaming of Hitler," in which she confessed to the whole world that she liked nothing better after a tough day at work than being turned over the knee of her "Daddy" husband and being spanked like a naughty child.

Knee-jerk feminists howled with rage. They said no successful and "liberated" woman should EVER be sexually submissive to a man. But Daphne stood her ground, and she had many fans. (Me among them.)

My own wife was a lawyer and always made much more money than I did. But it didn't bother us. (My wife was dom and I was sub, but I honestly don't think it would have mattered if it were the other way around.)

I think the key to marital bliss is each partner having at least ENOUGH to live comfortably by themselves if the marriage breaks up. If that's the case, there need be no anxieties or resentments if the "sub" partner has more money than the "dom."

Re: Does Money Matter?

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Feb 3, 2020

This is the exact same boat I am currently in. I'm off work because of a disability, so I make damned near nothing, and my sub.... he's not doing too badly for himself. It does not bother me at all that my submissive makes more than I. It saddens me that I cannot buy as many toys, meals, vacations, etc. to contribute to our mutual happiness as he can but the sadness is overshadowed by the happiness that comes from us being together.

The problem isn't a that of a submissive or a dominant being financially better off. It's just a simple relationship problem and largely depends on the attitude of the partner who is making more money. My ex husband made more than I, and he was a complete dick about it. It ruined our relationship. Because he made the money, he controlled all major purchases, from the house we lived in to the food we ate, and he made sure I knew that none of it was mine. My sub makes at least 4 times what I do, and he genuinely doesn't care, because there is more to life than money.

Nope

ThirtyFourPointFive • Feb 3, 2020

That's all a self confidence issue and I have no problem with it at all.
Bring home the Bacon Honey!

KittenKatt • Feb 3, 2020

As a sub who does okay with money - I do not mind if I make/have more money than my dom. However, that does not mean I will support you. Not in any way.

And yes, this (money) caused issues in my last relationship. I would say that it contributed greatly to the death of that relationship. Clearly, he was missing the self-confidence to be able to handle the fact that I had more money than he did.

More important, than money, to me is intellect. I am a sapiosexual sub 100%.

Re: Nope

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Feb 3, 2020

Money has absolutely nothing to do with intellect. Some of the stupidest people I've ever encountered have been filthy rich, and some of the poorest were incredibly brilliant. "Money = intellect" is a really shallow, tacky outlook on life.

Your claiming to be sapiosexual comment feels a rather ironic, based upon your writing skills.

At the end of the day

sweet november​(sub female) • Feb 4, 2020

As long as you have a roof over your head, food in your bellies, love and playfulness, trust and communication in your D/s relationship...it should not matter.
Every day is a gift. And money is one off the biggest reasons couples break up..
And it's such a small thing compared to the big picture.

Carpe diem!

SlayDom​(dom female){Not on me} • Feb 5, 2020

Dominance is defined as power and influence over others. Money's not part of that description. Though it can create power and influence, I don't see it as a main ingredient.
It's more about ... charisma, attitude, presence , aura. In some cases you can feel dominance when it walks into a room. There's no dollar sign attached to that kind of power and influence.
So I say no, money shouldn't mater. You having a harder time finding what you seek, maybe. Don't settle for less. If they can't handle your financial successes then, based on definition, they wouldn't be a very good Dom anyway.

Slay

sadomasochick • Feb 5, 2020

The person who said that was either very insecure or has encountered insecure people in this way. Gotta pity those who think that way.