Mentoring New subs

Boredsilly​(dom male) • Sep 20, 2018

For myself, I was Mentored many years ago by a Master, I really did not need much Mentoring, I was born submissive , he just watched and talked to me. He answered all my questions. He had feelings and made sure I was not abused online. If I remember correctly I joined ALT and he watched what went on and how I was treated in the Chat room from the State i was in. I got to know many nice people, I did not realize I had this Dom watching me online for a while before he sent me a message if I would like to speak with him. He was very nice and I believe him to be very honest Dom. As I talked more in the ALT chat room. Now this Dom I was talking to we talked for a while for days. I asked him to mentor me. He said to me "If i mentored you, you would never want to leave" Well I spoke to the Master that was Mentoring me and he thought it was good that I connected with someone I thought to be honest. He started taking over mentoring me. We started learning Gorean, most came natural to me. We loosened up on each other and he was very open minded but stern. We decided to meet after a few months of talking and face timing. The day we met was both of our Birthdays. Go figure I didn't believe my birthday was also his... That was the day I asked him to be my Dom/Master.. we kept talking and he was watching my movements to see if this is what I wanted or not. .... W/we have been together 9 years, he is Poly and I knew what that meant he had another sub living in his house for more than 10 years. She was 24/7 ....over the years we have our ups and downs, but he was right all those years ago. If I wanted him to Mentor me I would never want to leave. ... For the last 6 years It had been Master and I, due to the fact his other sub ended up with serious medical issues and could not play. I took on the roll of 24/7 for a while he has treated me so well all these years I do not see myself ever leaving is right.

Master now would like to mentor someone around where we live from NH,VT,Me or CT. He is a wonderful mentor...I understand there are D/M's that abuse the situation and that is so wrong. I understand the sub mentoring the sub m/f . Maybe I got lucky with 2 wonderful men. I am living proof that there are good Dom/Masters out there. If Master wants to mentor, I would be willing to also help.

I do agree with a lot that was said by many people's writing don't get me wrong.

There are a lot of people claiming to be Masters/Dom's/ Mistresses/subs/slaves which they are not. We have been real life real time all our lives.

we can test people and know they are not real. I have no problem sending subs/slaves messages if they are looking. .....Just be careful out there and If you think someone may be fore you. Meet them in a place where a lot of people are. We are outgoing, we have friends from VT, ME,NH, CT and other places we have been to many private cook outs and play parties. You also need to get out into the communities where they have munches....This lifestyle and a good one if it's for you. I have a different name under ALT and Fet that I've had for many years. I-am-monty my Master/Dom is SirWarEagle. He is in chat here more than I. Please feel free to send us questions we believe there is no stupid questions.....

Please just be careful online and in real time.
Good luck. Sorry about the book this is how I feel about the topic.

OlsUSNavy{None} • Sep 22, 2018

I can see both sides of the coin with respect to mentors.

My experience was in public and military life, where I mentored very inexperienced adults, peers and people that are way above my pay grade. I transitioned directly from pupil to mentor. This only happened because I wanted deeper and deeper understanding.

With BDSM, I think that the pupil needs to self establish some basic personal values. Assess what your general interests are. Not what specific actions are acceptable or not. Categorize your thoughts and those thoughts that caused you to make the decision as to why you think BDSM is for you.

Self assessment is a life skill that’s been ignored for over a century. It’s a method of continual personal process of improvement that makes every aspect of life better. Analyze personal experiences and observed experiences.

When I learned this skill, life became addictive and exciting. Always analyze the lessons and experiences that your mentor provides. You can ask questions of yourself and the mentor that spur more questions that you will have to research and evaluate in comparison to your personal values.

In the end, you can learn from any mentor, no matter how inexperienced or experienced they are. Seek answers and research anything that can’t get or believe to be the correct answer for you.

I know that I made a wall of text, but the message is just that important to me.

about mentors for new subs

DaddizGrl​(sub female) • Sep 23, 2018

I agree with you. Having a real Dom to help guide and mentor really does help. One of my mentors from Fet says i need to be mentored from different types of Doms to be able to explore the different kinks different Doms like. I've also tried to chat with other subs, but they say its best to get mentored by doms than subs. Other Subs will make good friends and give me someone to chat with that will be more on my level and as he said, "to compare notes with". Still learning myself and yes, very afraid to fall my feelings when being mentored, which now is my challenge. But I will be following to see what others say and and what you reply.
Thanks for this...

Debz​(sub female){Barnaby} • Sep 23, 2018

This has made for some good reading, I think the mentor is a good idea but a lot of new subs will think they need to learn from the person who will become their dom as things progress. For those who say they already have a dom should ask themselves how it's going. I am also new to being a sub and I am still getting to know my potential dom as I have found you can't rush into this.

Hello Good morning

Boredsilly​(dom male) • Sep 23, 2018

Debz​(sub female)...My first Mentor Joseph of course I did not trust him at first until he knew Old Guard, Gor and investigating him myself. ...I did not stay with him. ..A good mentor will show you the ways on what to look for in a Master/Dom also. If I felt my old Mentor Joseph was trying to keep me. Then a Red flag would go up. ...He was wonderful ....I'm sure some new subs may think of that, but it's all in the research on people and testing people. Maybe I have been lucky since I was a born sub. I don't know. ....Good luck to all new subs and remember....

please do your homework and stay safe.....remember SSC ...

LucyRed​(sub female){Collared} • Sep 23, 2018

Thak you for this post!
I am a new sub as well and I have been looking for this exact thing...however I do not know how to approach reaching out to receive mentorship.
I do not want to push myself on anyone, yet I am in a space of misunderstanding and confusion and dont know which way is up.
I am learning from my Dom who I have been w for 8 years. After that time I believe I know him...we had a vanilla relationship prior even tho I am submissive by nature...but the feelings and emotions brought on by being in the lifestyle make everything complicated and stressful, which stresses my Dom and leaves me questioning everything.

I have been given permisson to be mentored by a Dom or sub...however...i have mixed feelings about this. It doesnt seem right to take guidance from another Dom...but my Dom seems to think that will help now. (Not something he would have considered before)

I will definitely keeping up w the responses...thanks again for touching on this.

Phanes​(dom male) • Sep 23, 2018

@Ravenkitty,
I am a bit puzzled? You mentioned that you been with your Dom for 8 years? What comes to My mind, as your Dom, why is it He isn't the One who navigates you through these emotions and feelings? Is it that He is rather new to the lifestyle Himself? Or He simply doesn't want to take on the responsibilites that most Dominants do when they have a submissive; providing guidance, nurturing them, being there whenever His submissive is struggling in thought and needs; providing His support and guidance to work through whatever concerns that may arise?

I Myself don't condone having a Dominant mentoring someone else's submissive. Reason, one Dominant's beliefs may not mesh with the Dominant you may be with; only causing further confusion if you were to apply any advise that isn't of the same mindset. I have mentored others; both Dominants and submissives in the past; but never have I taken on someone else's submissive. I feel if someone is within a established relationship, its their own responsibility to effective communicate between them; identify what the issue is and come to a solution to it. It's part of building that foundation of trust and bond in a relationship when the parties can rely on each other to effective deal with any bumps in the road that they may encounter.

With that said, I do suggest if you have any questions or concerns that perhaps you wish to address "after" you attempt to resolve them with your partner and can't seem to get a clear understanding; then I would simply post in forums like this one and I am sure many of those in the community would be glad to offer their suggestions. Otherwise, I would suggest that you befriend other submissives and develop a kinda friendship/sisterhood with them whom you can get a viewpoint from others such as yourself.

Learning

Collegechick​(sub female) • Sep 25, 2018

I am new to this world and fit the description listed above as someone who is tired of vanilla relationships and wanting to explore. I have been overwhelmed with messages but it is incredibly hard to know who is a decent person on here that I can trust. Many people message me about being careful because there’s harmful people on here and I should watch out but I don’t know exactly what to look out for so it’s very difficult..

Drennon​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2018

Hey Collegechick,

It is hard sometimes to tell who the safe people are. I am sure a lot of people will agree with that. I would say the most important thing to keep in mind when talking to Doms is to take it slow. Avoid anyone who demands that you submit to them right away. If they are not willing to take the time to get to know you and what your needs are, then they are not worth your time. Just because you are a sub doesn't mean that you don't have a say in who you submit to. The most important thing is your safety. If at any moment you don't feel safe, then you need to get out.

Re: Learning

SevenSeven • Oct 1, 2018

Hey! Here’s a blog post with a list of really good resources : https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?postid=7138&blog_id=11470 (Phanes’ latest blog post). I’m new too and one that has been particularly useful to me is the BDSM training academy. They send emails with a lot of really good information including how to pick a Dom, how to be safe while still gaining great experiences and how to determine who you can and cannot trust. It’s super important to get as much information as you can so you can enjoy everything that comes with this lifestyle safely.