Concerns

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 13, 2018

You didn’t mention my name so No? @PappaBear

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Oct 13, 2018

Ok I'm just need to say that I am soooo tried of all the peacocking from doms ( and yes subs do it also in their own way) when things are said that different than how they view / do things. Or them getting ,for lack of a better word, all butt hurt over things.

A nd as a sub, I say ( and I can/ will only speak on my thinking) that yes subs are strong, smart,adults in real life . And can or should be able to take care of themselves. Although, let's be honest here.
The things I have seen in my time here.
1. Totally new to life style subs
2. SUb s not having any ideas or knowledge of who or what they are or want and need from a Dom
Just to name a few....

And as said in an earlier post" How many times have we seen a brand new member with a collar on less than a day after opening an account. Every time it’s the same story... he’s already punishing her, having her send pics, we all know what this asshole is and that it can’t end well. The predators and abusers don’t waste any time. "

We as a community need to be there and willing to try to help and be there to share our knowledge with each other whether it be a newbie sub or anyone else.

And also thank you papabear for "I keep a script ready to copy paste to any new sub I see. I talk about insta Doms, respect and trust, blah blah blah... yeah we all know and we all get tired of repeating it. "

I also have gear my blog towards sharing this along with other things that I think maybe helpful in their journey.

bookworm​(switch female) • Oct 23, 2018

I'm one of those new people to the lifestyle, and normally aren't posting this will be my first at The Cage. Been here a month or so and before I even got my profile completed as I wasn't sure how much sub I was (I am a switch), had doms messaging me about owning me. lmao for all they knew I could have been a domme.

Things I've seen so far, yes there are those who are trying to use the site just like everyone and had one of those target me and provide me pictures of himself (after finally getting me on skype he mass mailed, then deleted his current account). There are also those who have been kind and caring. My profile pic came from a very nice dom who talked with me and when he saw that pic thought of me and asked to send it to me. Have had others just talk about books with me... no surprise I love them.

Anyways what I'm trying to say is yes a lot on here seem to be new and are learning, some of us are actually talking a little with each other. So far the majority here in the cage are very caring and I am very grateful I found this site. The ones who are bringing this up might be the more outspoken but there are quite a few quieter ones like me I've noticed who care to. Would say we just keep letting them know they can talk to most, encourage new people to talk to more then just one and to "shop around" lol. All in the lifestyle should provide support for others... just saying since we are often misunderstood or put down by mainstream.

Also just want to put out there if anyone wishes to have someone to just message back and forth with feel free to hit me up, i'm an open ear and my curse is seeing both sides of everything tho fair warning I do get protective, will still listen.

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Oct 24, 2018

Hello Sir!

I have had a lot of experiences in the bdsm lifestyle. I have had great Doms, inexperienced Doms and bad Doms (both male and female). I wrote something along these lines in the "age in bdsm" topic too, but i think it has a lot to do with experience and education. Many Doms (especially new ones) jump right in to owning a submissive and spend no time educating themselves. Doms who really care will learn /how/ to take care of a bdsm relationship. Attend a class/seminar, read some books/articles and experience several different communities before feeling like you can look in a submissive's eyes and honestly say "Don't worry, your trust is well placed in me."

The same goes for submissives of course though. The difference is, a strong Dom can have their submissive attend these classes and seminars or read these books or articles while they own the submissive. It's a lot harder for a caring, experienced submissive to push their Dom to do the same thing.

I hope this is helpful! I would really love to see more people "doing it right" than to see all these hurt submissives and disappointed Doms.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 26, 2018

I am really enjoying this discussion.

However I think it would behoove us to watch the gender specificity.

Female. Non bin, and other identified ppl can be just as dangerous and abusive as males.

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that women are less able or capable of being abusive.

This creates an unrealistic expectation that being with a female dominant is safer.