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Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 5:26 am

Your opinion about my situation

Sirr​(dom male) • 04/03/2021 5:26 am
I'm a Dom and I was wondering about any advice.I met a sub (on here) and we talked just hi hello for a month give or take. I asked her cause we were friendly if she knew any gf's looking for subs. It was the kind of friendship we had. She had started seeing a Dom. Long story short it doesn't work out( I thought ) and she said it wasn't going well and we slowly began a Dom/sub relationship. Only texting ,we talked on the phone once. It was another month and I was getting to know her and she was new and told me all the time she will not use anything without talking about it and showing her.I agreed,as I go very easy in the beginning with new subs. We texted I was giving her space cause she was busy. One day she made a comment about she's surprised that I am not texting or talking more,I explained why and we began texting everyday. Things were going great. So we were set to meet tomorrow. I was excited and so was she.We were meeting eating dinner talking and seeing if we both still feel what we felt texting. On my way home today She says "you know I had a gf who wanted a Dom but I kept you for myself. I was even more excited. So I stop by the sex shop with no intentions of bringing anything with me. I call and showed her different things and said I got 2 surprises for later when or if we began our sessions .She texts me back a long text a bunch saying I'm not going to use anything I bought and you scare me with the surprises, I then tell her I only bought a massager that plugs in and just furry buckle cuffs , I was not bring the piece that held them together. She is telling me she just being honest and she don't trust me at all and she will not submit at all. And basically found out that made 3 more sessions with the other Dom that he only put 1 velcro cuff on her. But for 4 hours she is telling me She won't be touch without her consent and she doesn't trust me at all and it's just common sense and she's not being wrong. She also made up her own colors like 5 instead of what I normally use which is yellow for she at her limit no harder or faster and red Stop everything. She had a color for it feels good,it's feels great,it's getting fast and she had red which meant she was just done with whatever the Dom is doing to her.She really had no color for stop everything. Which in my opinion is important. I was apologizing just to calm her down after me being excited and happy to see her tomorrow. I asked her if you don't want me all of a sudden. May I have your friends# that you mentioned earlier. She said go to hell. I am very easy going and always show a new sub Everything before even thinking about using it.and instead of excitement for the surprise she got flipped out and started saying she DOESN'T trust me and no one will touch her untill she says so. I never even mentioned that I would do this or that to her. But after 2 months in one day she cause I was excited to see her and bought a basic gift she ended it like I betrayed her????? Any help? She was so sweet untill she would tell me she doesn't trust me,and I told her that maybe true but you need to start somewhere. I told her something personal this morning and we were great?? I am lost.
Miki​(masochist female)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 5:58 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 04/03/2021 5:58 am
The first warning was when she said she had a GF who wanted a sub but kept you for herself. In and of itself it's not a red-red flag but it should raise an eyebrow.

When you showed her things you looked at in the sex toy shop and then said you had 2 surprises... Therein lies the rub:

If "early-relationship jitters" was the issue, there would have been better ways to express hesitation. She wigged out.

Short answer to a long story... Start walking. At the very least she's not ready. At the most she's fucked up.

You'll only get hurt more if you keep trying. File this one under T for Trial and Error... Don't compound the error.

Remember, it's no good if you have to force it.
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Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 6:27 am
Sirr​(dom male) • 04/03/2021 6:27 am
We had plans for just dinner tomorrow to see if we would click to start having sessions. But the first one would of been more of showing her the toys and just if it went well just use my mouth and me instead of any toys cause she was causes. I knew she was so I usually take things with new subs slow or if I can say it right,it would be a more role play as Dom and sub cause I knew I should not push. She already had a phone conversation and right into a session with her old Dom who put 1 velcro wrist cuff on her then fucked her. She said that was not going anywhere.
Miki​(masochist female)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 6:46 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 04/03/2021 6:46 am
I definitely see your point. You bought the stuff "just in case" without intending to force the issue.... Had she simply said "No, not yet." that would have been one thing. But to freak out on you, then boff another dom. Bullshit on rye bread.

Just move on. Even if she comes around, or gives the appearance of that, it's only a matter of time until her next blow-out.

There is a right way to express hesitation and a wrong way (forget letting the other guy bone her) This was the wrong way. I can sense it from all the way over here.

Carry on.

... and good luck, fella!
Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 6:59 am
Sirr​(dom male) • 04/03/2021 6:59 am
Thank you very much Miki.I have had 3 or 4 brand new subs that I started and we may not have workout but they went on loving being a sub. She said she doesn't trust me over time then today she would not stop. 4 hours of her texting and I am not one to fight. I wasn't mad. I wanted to calm her down. I thought a surprise should get her excited and it wasn't going to happen tomorrow. It would of happened maybe next week. But I knew she was new and nervous. It almost seemed that she was better suited as a Dom but she would be selfish.she wanted to control everything. Cause she doesn't trust me or anyone. I just couldn't understand all the 4-5 colors she would be yelling out. But I thank you guys for your opinion. I am just at a loss and if I did anything wrong I would not do it again if you guys said it was me. I liked her. I grew close talking so long. But I'm looking again.
cutesexyintelligent​(sub female)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 7:01 am
cutesexyintelligent​(sub female) • 04/03/2021 7:01 am
So I may be misunderstanding. My read is that the previous "dom" she would have had sex with was before your meeting. If I haven't met someone, I do not want them buying me anything or anything to be used on me. That implies pressure or an expectation that something will have to happen in the future (it doesn't, but that is where my brain goes). I had someone do something similar and then he demanded immediate monogamy at our first coffee date. Put aside the other dom and whether she was stringing you both along (she probably was). Your actions and words did not line up. "We are just meeting to see if there is chemistry" is far different than "I bought sex toys and want to fuck you". In my mind, it is one or the other. Do you want kinky sex or do you want to develop a dynamic? You need time to develop a dynamic without sex. Just my two cents.
Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 7:17 am
Sirr​(dom male) • 04/03/2021 7:17 am
I understand but within the months of us talking we talked about her likes in detail and she was flirting ad I was. When we started talking she said it didn't work out with the other Dom. We talked about her fantasies and what she wanted ( toy wise to use) we talk about our families,her stressed out days we would talk untill 4 am untill she felt better. We both said we cared for eachother. And she did pick out toys she wanted to try. I asked her before about the cuffs she said she wanted to try furry cuffs with a buckle. We were meeting tomorrow to talk more and grow from there. She told me that after our meeting and if we clicked then she wanted a session. She was telling me how horny she was and can't wait to meet. But our meeting tomorrow was in noway and session. I know I'm not the best at explaining this,but I showed her pics of toys alot. I was not going to force anything untill she wanted to have a session and she wanted it after we met and clicked. She had pics of the things I have here for her. She liked I showed her Everything. But I see your point about introducing a new toy . Thank you
Miki​(masochist female)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 8:03 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 04/03/2021 8:03 am
All things considered, and by now belaboring the point, my concern would be for "down the road" and right now I see a "Stop" sign.

She doesn't sound ready and you could be setting yourself up for disappointment or hurt.

At the very least step back a few (dozen?) feet and wait. Maybe see who else is out there.

And another thing, originally you wanted to know if she had a GF interested in at least looking into a D/s relationship. She says she had one but decided to "keep you for herself". That one sucks the proverbial bag based on her actions afterwards.

Again, just tread lightly, keep your expectations low and better still just move on. it doesn't sound like this boat will float.

Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/03/2021 8:27 am
Sirr​(dom male) • 04/03/2021 8:27 am
Oh I moved on. I just didn't know if I somehow made a mistake . You learn by asking and things like this and other peoples help I want to be a better Dom for possiblity my next sub which could be the one. I again thank you for helping and giving me your advice.