Bratty little one

The time is getting closer and closer for my first appointment with my endocrinologist. I've literally started counting down the days. As of right now it's 17 days till my first appointment. I'm nervous and excited and scared all at the same time. Things with my date have progressed farther as well we have decided to get married and have set a date as well. She has been so supportive of me and my decision to transition into a male. She has her worries as well especially after hearing from others whose partners are or have transitioned and the toll it took on those relationships. Even through her fear though she is still sticking by my side and has decided to go with me to every appointment that I have. I don't know what I did to deserve her but I have never been as happy as I am with her by my side and supporting me. She takes such great care of me and loves my children as if they were her own and they love her as well. They have even begun calling her mom and they have been calling me dad which fills me with such joy. I thought they would be the ones to have the hardest time accepting this change in their lives but all they have said on the matter is that they are happy as long as I am and this way they have both a mom and a dad. We asked them what would they tell someone who asks where there mom is and who is their mom and they all just say well just cuz our dad was the one that gave birth to us Emily is mom and mom is now dad and we wouldn't have it any other way. lol Children and their resilience amazes me. So far Emily and my children are the only ones that have come to full terms with my transition. Occasionally they will fuck up and use the wrong name or pronouns but that is to be expected but everyone else just keeps using my old name and pronouns and a part of me wants to snap every time they do. I don't exactly know whether I should correct them or just give it time just as well I don't exactly know if it is just an absence of their minds or whether it because they refuse to accept it but don't have the ability to say so to my face I don't know how long I should wait to let them keep messing up before I correct them and start showing how upset it makes me that they refuse to change it. I got a new job and I actually love it alot more than I thought I would especially since I just sit here all night not really doing anything except watching the lot. I thought I would end up going crazy and hating it since I don't exactly do anything really but it's actually really nice to not have to break my body for a paycheck and I can still get my stuff that I need to do done and I don't miss to much time from my family either but the biggest thing I don't like about it is that Emily is at the house sleeping while I'm awake which makes it so that I end up having to sleep without her as well once I get home but at least I get a few hours in the morning before the kids wake up once I get home but I also don't want to wake her either when I get home so in a sense we are both still kinda sleeping alone but I only work 4 nights a week so the rest of the week I get to sleep next to her just going to take time for my body to get back to that type of schedule where I stay awake for the 4 days all night then awake all day and sleep all night the other 3 days but I've done it before I can do it again it will just take some time lol. 

Sry for the ramble and the chaouticness of the post but I needed to get it off my chest and write it out to someone any one and cant post it on Facebook cuz then I won't hear the end of it from the rest of my family.

I do have a problem though that maybe some one can help me with so my and Emily are both brats and both submissive and I'm also a little and it has really put a strain on our relationship cuz alot of the time one of us needs a Dom and the other tries to help but doesn't do such a good job since we aren't exactly domanit and both need that type of really dominance in our lives or our minds get the better of us. So any advice would be apprietated.

Ok update on the big day.

It went amazing it was almost as though nothing had changed at all even though everything changed lol. It went so well that we set up another date it wasnt supposed to be til wednesday but ended up happening tonight instead I feel as though I never want her to leave lol.

It's a very big day im going on my first date since becoming Lee and I have butterflies it actually is someone who used to be like a best friend to me in high school. Funny part is the reason we had a falling out was cuz we were mad that we were seeing other people and just didn't know that it made us mad at each other so we thought it was just cuz we didn't like the guys that each of us had chosen lol. Man what a funny world. I'm cooking her dinner I couldn't decided between steak or tacos so I'm making both with mash potatoes garlic made from scratch if I can find potatoes otherwise going to have to be instant and bush's baked beans original. UGH I'm so nervous and I don't know why it's not like it's my first date. It's not even like it's the first date of me being the gentleman in the relationship you know so Idk why I'm freaking out and nervous. The best part is she knows all the new stuff that might drive someone away and she doesn't care. She knows I have kids and she doesn't care cuz so does she. Like the more we talked the more that the old days made more sense lol. Only down fall is my mom never liked her so she isn't going to be to happy when I tell her lol. She'll get past it though I'm pretty sure lol. Anyway WISH ME LUCK LOL.

so i have a legit question its something ive been struggling with for what seems like ever but in reality ive been struggling since i was 14 so about 16 years and i figured its about time i stop trying to figure it out on my own and reach out to those that might have an answer i know that this is something that i should post on a facebook group page but they never seem to be very helpful about anything and this community has helped me so much since i learned that im into some things bdsm has to offer any way my question is how do you figure out what kind of sexuality you are like when i was younger i used to think about changing my sex into that of a man but then i decided that i loved being a mom and having kids and feeling those kicks in my stomach then i had my first girlfriend and at the time i didnt even know that i could like girls like that then after she broke my heart i got my first boyfriend and then i thought i might be bisexual and so i dated other guys and looked at girls but i never truly loved any of the guys i dated i just didnt want to be alone then i found another girl who i really liked and i thought we hit it off but then she broke my heart and went back to her ex after her i pretty much stayed away from girls but would still apreciate looking at them but only really persude guys then i decided i needed to work on being ok with being alone so i would look but thats it except a friend with binefits type thing every so often but thats all it was sex nothing else then my roommate brought his girlfriend over to live with us and i fell in love at first sight i was ready to marry her right then and there eventually they broke up and we got together i swear i had no part in it i kept my distance im no homewrecker and i made sure he was ok with me and her dating first anyway we were together for almost a year were engaged to get married then she set me up got me locked up and when i got out i found out that she just was using me and was never even into me doesnt even like girls now before you ask how did i not know well im going to tell you all something a little embarrassing ive never had sex with a female before ive been figured by one my second girlfriend but thats it i never did anything sexual to her and it was only the one time that we even went that far and before you judge or anything like that there are a few reasons ive never had sex with a woman first of all it scares me which isnt surprising since i was scared of having sex with a man up until i was 18 had plenty of optunities but i always chickened out and its pretty much the same thing when it comes to a woman also i get grossed out at using my hands for anything on anyones southern region including my own same with my mouth only with my mouth its not so much grossed out at the thought of using my mouth as it just freaks me out and that freak out is towards both males and females anyway now im back to thinking maybe i should be a man idk im so confused and scared i just dont know anymore ive started to read the book this is gay hoping it will give me some insight to help me figure out who i am but so far alls its done is open more questions so im asking how do you know if you should change your sex or if your bisexual or if your just gay/lesbian and just running from the truth because its not socially correct has anyone else gone through this kind of confusion and fear and how did you deal with it how did you figure out that you are who you are its hard to figure out who you are when you dont know how to start when there is no one to talk to about it dont get me wrong my family and friends and friends that are like family they all are supportive and dont care no matter what and will always love me but i need help and i have no one that i can talk to about this that understands every one i know is so incredibly without a doubt straight in my life so i am all alone in this and i just am hoping someone can help me