So I watch a lot of youtube videos, listen to a lot of conversations at classes and at events, read posts on other social media sites. The one thing I have really noticed as a common theme within the community, is a fairly common theme which is easily fixed if other people are willing to spread the message and try to practice it themselves.
The one problem I have noticed is kink shaming. I know that a lot of times perhaps it is unintentional. I also realize that there are kinks out there that people cannot understand, do not like or trigger bad thoughts or memories in them. The thing I am saying is that is fine if you don't like something or it is a hard limit for you for whatever reason. However please take the time to think about the other person. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the world from their prospective, or at least ask yourself this, "How would I feel if someone attacked me for (insert favorite kink here)"? This is how we should be thinking. Maybe you dont like needles and they are not your thing but someone is really into them and loves them. They want to talk about them because it makes them so very happy. If this is not a trigger for bad things/memories for you, then why can you not talk to them about it? They ware not asking you to use needles or play with them, just talk about them and they want to tell you about why they are happy. How do you know if say you are into spanking and they are not and you talk about an amazing spanking scene you did with your partner and the person listened to you, responded correctly and interacted with you about it. Showing interest, asking questions and genuinely was nice about it, however they really are not into it. They did it though because it was making you happy. So how come if they can do this for you, then you can not do the same for them?
Also if there is something you really cannot stand then rather than attacking the people who are doing it and enjoying it, ask yourself "What do I get by attacking them?", "Are they hurting anyone?", "Am I actually doing anything by attacking them or just causing stress and discomfort?" These questions need to be answered fully before you go attacking someone for what they like and enjoy. You have no idea what someone else has been through or is going through in their life either now or in the past that has led up to the current moment. This is not a contest about who has a worse life either, it is about what makes YOU happy and what YOU personally find pleasurable. Now whether that is sexual or not is entirely up to you of course. For some people of course it totally is not, it is more about the head space they get, the sense of belonging and "rightness of the world" feeling that comes from play. For others sexual gratification is part of it and that is totally great for them. It helps them release tension, stress and make them happy and relaxed as well as let go of whatever is going on in their lives at the current moment in time. Either way is totally fine and great as long as it is Safe, Sane and Consensual between all members involved and there is no abuse involved.