Had my first experience with another man recently. Mutual oral/hj. Apparently I'm good at sucking dick, and I'm ok with that. He couldn't suck me off for very long, his jaw was hurting or something. At least he hung around long enough to watch me finish. His dick was a little longer than mine, and twice as thick.it was a good experience for sure, but idk if I want to do that again.
Those of you who have read my past posts know of "the latest attempt" and this is an update on that.
She's happy, and I'm glad. I just wish it weren't with a guy I thought was a friend. He broke the bro code. Idk if you ladies realize how bad this is. I've seen guys sent to the hospital for less. And of course they came over for half an hour today, and he was REALLY afraid that I might hurt him. He wouldn't even come up the stairs without hiding behind her. He also had the safety strap on his holster unhooked. What a coward. As if I'd stoop to hurting him, I know I'm better than that. (Though it took quite a lot of restraint not to give in to temptation)
My third and most recent relationship was not actually a relationship. This time she was older than me. She's 26, I'm a month away from 22. She was a brat, role wise. So, I had almost no clue how to deal with her. We were 'together' for about two months. We lived together, as we had been friends for a time. Our relationship wasn't very sexual, as we had opposing work schedules. The relationship ended when I didn't want to sit around and talk, as I was tired and didn't feel very well. I also wasn't wearing anything, and I realise that I should have just put on some pants and listened to her. It wasn't an official relationship, but it hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt. I've endured my physically abusive father, a few schoolyard fights, a back alley brawl, and two attempted muggings, but this hurt worse. I've tried to talk to her, apologized ad nausium, all to no avail. I actually care about her, but she apparently does not. I'm currently staying with my mother across town because going home just gives me a massive panic attack, and makes my depression flair up. It doesn't help that I get attached so easily. If she told me I could make it up to her right now, I'd do it.
My second relationship was a bit more interesting. I was 19, she was 18. We talked for around two months before we finally had sex. It wasn't very good for me, but I kinda expected this (I'd been told that no-one's first time is great). It was apparently awesome for her, and so about once a week I came over, and we'd get funky. she was kinky, I don't know what her specific role was, but she was kind of bratty, kinda domineering... the relationship ended when I found out she was cheating on me with four other guys. We were supposed to be exclusive, so that kinda hurt. It was technically a nutty-buddy situation disguised as a relationship.
In summary, she was kind of a whore that wasn't good at sex. I was a naive fool.
My first actual relationship (kindergarten doesn't count, or I'd be considered a playboy) was somewhat short-lived. She was not liked at my school, but I didn't care. We never had sex, but that was ok. We dated for about three months. I'd never really had a good example of what a healthy relationship looked like, and neither did she. Our relationship burned with passion, but the fuel ran out. She began to talk about marriage right at the end, and that kinda scared me. We were only 16, after all. We agreed to have an amicable separation, and are friends today. (Although we haven't spoken in 4 years...)
This isn't really something that I'd normally do. I've had some issues lately that I need to get off my chest. But before I can get to the recent events, I need to go back to the start. Join me as I dig deep, and try to discover why I'm so lonely, and what's keeping me from growing into the best me I can be.