4 days ago. Oct 16, 2020, 12:39 AM
Phillippa Lally is a health psychology researcher at University College London. In a study that was published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, Lally and her research team decided to figure out the actual number of days that is required to form a habit. It is consistently exampled as 21 days, but that is not actually true.
This study examined the habits of 96 people over a 12-week period. Each person chose one new habit for the 12 weeks and reported each day on whether or not they did the behavior and how automatic said behavior felt to them when they performed it.
Some people chose simply tasks such as “drinking a bottle of water with lunch” whereas others chose more difficult tasks such as “running for 15 minutes before dinner.” At the end of 12 weeks, the researchers analyzed the data to determine how long it took each person to go from starting a new behavior to automatically doing it.
The answer was obvious. It takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic – 66 days to be exact, on average. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally’s study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit.
In other words, if you want to set your expectations appropriately, the truth is that it will probably take you anywhere from two months to eight months to build a new behavior into your life — not 21 days.
Interestingly, the researchers also found that “missing one opportunity to perform the behavior did not materially affect the habit formation process.” In other words, it does not matter if you mess up every now and then. Building better habits is not an all-or-nothing process.
Why did I tell you all of this information that is scientific and so many probably could care less about?
I have found Doms habitually think that submissives should be able to follow rules as they’re given, often without breaking them. They consider a submissive to be a brat, or at least being bratty, when a rule gets broken.
Now, I’m not saying all Doms think this. Plenty of Doms (or Dommes) understand that learning and mastering rules takes time and that mistakes are going to happen. However, not all do. So, here’s a little education from the mouth of one submissive. Please, if this is going to just automatically light a fire under your ass to yell at me – leave now. It’s only going to get worse from here, I’m sure. Or, feel free to yell at me – that is your right.
There is a saying: practice makes perfect. There is a reason for that saying. It is because in life, all things take practice and time in order to improve on them. This holds true to rules and dynamics. A good dynamic isn’t just there – it takes effort and hard work from both (or more) parties to function and work as well as it has the ability to function.
There are submissives that require hearing good morning and goodnight. This does not make them a brat. This makes them human – and that is their habit. They are accustomed to hearing those things and to not hear them – leaves them wondering what they did wrong or if the person really cares.
Please, tell me why a submissive should bother to work hard for you to master the things you want them to master, if you will not return the favor of working hard in the dynamic yourself. There is more to a dynamic than simply giving orders, meting out punishments, and having sex. There is oh so much more. As a Dominant, you have to teach and remind your submissive and help them to form the habits you wish them to have and to break the habits which you think are not healthy or good for them or the dynamic.
You have to teach a submissive what it is you want from them. And that takes time. You cannot just snap your fingers and expect a submissive to be perfectly trained the way you want them to be. There are Doms that will quit when they suspect a submissive of being bratty – but it is not always a case of being bratty or a brat. If a habit is not formed, it is quite easy to forget.
Not only that, but there are Dominants that claim they want a strong submissive. But yet, if a Dominant gets his hands on an Alpha Female (or vice versa with a Domme and Alpha Male) they then decide that it is their duty to break them. They later view that same thing as being a brat.
You must take the time to train your submissive. And there are so many different types of us, but it all comes down to this: for us to be the best submissive we can be for you, you must actually communicate what you want of us and be there with us and for us as we navigate the waters to make that desire a habit. To make that rule into a habit.