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Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Me just sharing what comes to mind.
19 minutes ago. November 28, 2023 at 12:27 PM

Support the Trevor Project as a Counselor

Specific Purpose: To persuade my audience to become counselors for the Trevor Project regularly. 

Central Idea: LGBTIQ youth have a suicide epidemic. Action is necessary, and having someone to talk to has been shown to reduce rates of self-harm and depression. The Trevor Project, with its ability to connect at-risk youth with counselors, provides a path towards being part of the solution.


Attention Getter: A grim fact: suicide is one of the leading causes of death in America. According to the NIH, 4.8% of adults age 18 and older had serious thoughts about suicide in 2021. Meanwhile, in that same period, as reported by USA Today, a staggering 45% of LGBTIQ youth considered attempting suicide.

Credibility Statement: As an LGBTIQ individual who works in advocacy and helps mod discussion forums and counsel queer youth, I have a true passion for this work and am aware of the need.

Preview: There is a uniquely disproportionate amount of suicide ideation among LGBTIQ youth. These problems are pervasive families and society can contribute. One offering of the Trevor Project is the ability to reach an individual is putting them in contact who is cleared to communicate with gay youth. It has been reported on the Project’s website that interaction can reduce suicide attempts by 40%. The Project responds to calls, chats, and texts. I seek to persuade others to become counselors, which will directly assist the Project’s mission of tackling the problem of suicidal ideation among LGBTIQ youth.

Transition to body: Understanding that LGBTIQ individuals have a significantly higher rate of suicide ideation as compared to the general population.

BODY I. A disproportionate amount of LGBTIQ youth consider and attempt suicide as compared to the general population. People should care because, with such a high rate of suicide ideation and suicide attempts, many individuals’ lives are needlessly harmed. 


A. Many LGBTIQ youth face struggles when living with a family that does not accept their queer identity, McDaid and O’Connor state in the journal Social Science & Medicine. They need to find ways to express this side of themselves, yet at the same time sufficiently conceal it, or even outright hide it, so as to minimize conflict. 

Neighmond points out in the NPR article “Home but not safe, some LGBTQ young people face rejection from families in lockdown,” conflicts were exacerbated for many during the pandemic lockdown when, after finding freedom to express themselves while living in college dorms, they had to return home for extended periods and not all relatives were accepting. 

B. When influential forces in society brand LGBTIQ people as different and objectionable, in contrast to desired norms of gender conformity, suicidal ideations and attempts can be a response to the resultant stigma and oppression, according to McDaid and O’Connor in the journal Social Science & Medicine.

C. The World Health Organization reports that suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15- to 29-year-olds. The National Institutes of Health stated that “4.8% of adults aged 18 and older in the United States had serious thoughts about suicide in 2021.” That is one in every twenty adults. At the same time, 2.7% of young adults, age 18 to 25 years, actually attempted suicide – the highest percentage for any age group.  The statistics rise dramatically, however, when looking at LGBTIQ teens. In February, USA Today, citing a CDC study, reported persistent feelings of sadness in 69% of teens, with 45% having considered attempting suicide. Further, 37% said they had planned how to commit suicide and 22% said they had in fact attempted suicide. 

Transition to Main Point II: Acknowledging LGBTIQ youth have a mental health epidemic, it is important to support organizations that seek to combat this trend.

II. Actively supporting LGBTIQ youth reduces rates of suicidal ideation and suicide.

A. The Trevor Project has already built the network and awareness in the population to help this need. The Project is a major provider of crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTIQ youth. The website is available with information and support any time of the day.

B. Charity Watch, an independent evaluator of nonprofit organizations, has assigned the Trevor Project an A- rating, making it a top-rated charity. It reports that the Trevor Project uses more than 76% of its finances for direct help to clients in its mission and beats the benchmarks for good governance and transparency.

C. The Trevor Project website communicates the process for people to onboard as available counselors. It also notes that it has a large need for volunteers in the chat/text digital program as the communication service of choice for most youth.

D. The Trevor Project website notes, “Acceptance from at least one adult can decrease the risk of LGBTQ youth attempting suicide by 40%.” According to the site, volunteers have answered more than 200,000 calls, chats, and texts during the past year. 

CONCLUSION Transition to Conclusion:  After having established that there is a unique mental health strain on the LGBTIQ community’s youth, moral individuals naturally would want to assist. 

Summary: The Trevor Project is one organization already focused on the task of suicide prevention and mental health wellness for LGBTIQ youth. The Trevor Project estimates more than 1.8 million LGBTIQ youth are seriously considering suicide this year. Through crisis services and peer support as a counselor, you can directly combat this atrocious situation. It is easy to get involved. All that is required: a passion for supporting LGBTIQ youth, being 18 years old, located in the United States, and committing some time every week. Currently their greatest need is for volunteers willing to man the chat/text/digital program, because the youth are more likely to reach out digitally than through legacy methods, such as phone and email.


Works Cited: 

For young LGBTQ LIVES. The Trevor Project. (2023, November 20).

Marzetti, H., McDaid, L., & O’Connor, R. (2022). “Am I really alive?”: Understanding the role of homophobia, Biphobia and transphobia in young LGBT+ People’s suicidal distress. Social Science & Medicine, 298, 114860.

Neighmond, P. (2020, May 17). Home but not safe, some LGBTQ young people face rejection from families in lockdown. NPR.

Petras, G., Loehrke, J., & Bravo, V. (2023, February 24). Girls, LGBQ+ Teens at higher risk for depression, CDC Mental Health Report says. USA Today.  Suicide.

World Health Organization. (2023, August 28).

Trevor Project. CharityWatch. (n.d.).

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Suicide. National Institute of Mental Health.



1 day ago. November 26, 2023 at 1:58 PM

Live a good life.

If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by.

If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.

Marcus Aurelius

5 days ago. November 23, 2023 at 7:20 AM

Day 21


Like many people I traveled yesterday,my girlfriend convinced me to come visit her family.


Today I kinda wish I was working I could be saving lives instead I am trying to make her and her family happier  I live to make things better for others.


Yet in reality that isn't something I seem to be able to achieve on a personal level not to mention can't I do more good on an ambulance then helping someone cook a turkey?

1 week ago. November 21, 2023 at 12:34 PM

Born crying no comfort

Left for months to rot

Taken only for fiduciary gain

Treated worse than a prisoner  

Starved, malnourished, abused

Soul broken I serve

Yet my service diminished

As not a greatful word heard 

The social delusion of 

Norman Rockwell jubilee

Was always forbidden from me

How could one buy in as an orphan 

Hell isn't fire and brimstone

Its the cold unfeeling world

When when I die 

Not a tear shall fall 

Walk over my body

Don't bother averting your gaze 

Ashes my only value 

Since my words and deeds 

have no weight

I longlying await my last gasp

Unafraid of eternity

1 week ago. November 20, 2023 at 1:06 PM

 Day 19

  If karma was real you think the highest level one could achieve is saving people's lives right.

In supporting families through difficult times and ensuring someone's health is preserved. 

This is partially why jobs like doctors nurses and medics are so well regarded. My grandma used to always bake cookies around this time of year and bring them to all her doctors at there appointments. If she was having a long stay at a hospital me and the family would often order pizza or Chinese and have it brought to the unit.

Anything to lift the moral of the people who are doing the hard work of keeping the people we love taken care of. 

Yet between being an EMT and medical assistant I have worked going on 3 years and overall all the good I have done lives I have saved yet what has become of all that good I put out into the world on my cosmic balance nothing.

  I generally have two core dreams a world that treats the LGBT community as equals and one day having a family I think its ingrained in every orphan from a disfunctional family. 

Well in both cases it seems things have only gotten worse currently in the country I live there is actively 814 peices of anti gay legislation.

Additionally in my most personal situation being Intersex in many states have now been reclassified as a developmental disability. The reason is as they have passed anti trans laws they have often made carve outs for intersex people. Mind you this wasn't to treat Intersex individuals better for example in Texas where they have now banned trans youth care they added this so that they can continue to treat Intersex individuals at the desire of the parents. 

Note when trans kids often want treatment the majority of intersex individuals like myself wish we had less intervention as a child so this law has ensured no one is getting what they want. Why has such a thing happened in part because they want to maximize cisgender heteronormativity.

  I know that my highschool knew I got assaulted in the boys locker room from having breasts but did the solution have to be to forced placement in the female locker room. Maybe I don't know instruct the boys not to harass the intersex student?

My body wasn't the issue it was a society that allowed for people not only to engage in such behavior but blamed my body for my mistreatment not others.

  So as the LGBT community is losing across the board what of my other main goal having a family one day. Well the first person I have tried to date in 8 years reminded me why I had given up for so long. Things that I would hope for making them happier taking care of them supporting there dreams

. Doesn't seem to be making them any happier.  It hurts me really to my core when I can't help people or make there lives better. I think this innate instinct goes back to when I was a child trying to make my mom proud of me or happy with me and she just didn't give a crap. Making her food taking care of the household getting great grades even winning awards for my art none of it made her happy.

Yet even the slightest transgression and Id get beaten locked in my room or just verbally abused as not good enough.  I plan to one day write a book about my life and yeah of course the publisher gets a say in the sub head my idea was always the child not even a mother could love. 

That's what my mom used to terrorize me with when I would get really upset and say she should give me up for adoption because then maybe someone could love me. She would say look at you you're the child not even a mother could love you think anyone would treat you any better? 

My brain at the time was like well look at the situation most peoples mothers love them there is so many stories of how bad it is for foster kids maybe this is the best it could ever be. 

So it was built in to try and always win the favor and approval of those I love yet I fail so often to make a dent in the situation I kinda just said why bother.  Well I tried again it isn't going any better then the last attempts. 

This is why I can confidently say karma doesn't exist. With all the good I do for others daily all the families that have been greatful and said they would pray for me hell the nicest person I treated even nit me a hat I wear on occasion. 

Yet the two things that would make me happiest in this world better treatment for the LGBTIQQAA community specifically intersex and one day falling in love with someone and having some sort of stable family like I always wished for. 

Neither have improved, its a good thing I do what I do not for karmic reasons but because I believe that the best use of my actions is taking care of people.

As sad as I can be as unfair the world feels at times I am always excited to go to work and make a difference in peoples lives.

  I am probably going to turn into a work acholic soon what's the point of doing anything that isn't helping people because I mean my personal life doesn't really exist and politically it seems like the United States hasn't been getting any better. 

So I might as well give up my personal dreams.

1 week ago. November 19, 2023 at 6:52 AM

Day 18 


Razer sharp daggers digging in my throat. 


Suspended until I can't take it. 

A Bearhug, lifted as your nails cut into my tender flesh drawing blood. 

Fuck me with an unyielding passion, until I start to go numb.

So I can actually get off for a change.  This is what I enjoy. 

I am a switch.

  If you want my attention as a bottom My preference is rough and intense. 


There are things I don't like for example degradation, humiliation, exctera you call me a slut -- I just want nothing to do with you. I am beneath no one in life. You want my love affection attention -- respect me. 


If you are chosen for my offer of loyalty and trust. Hurt me till I can't resist euphoria.

1 week ago. November 18, 2023 at 8:23 PM

 Day 17 

I celebrated Hanukkah as a child. Even though I was rasied Catholic and given lots of indoctrination on how Jews betrayed Jesus, Jews can't be trusted and other such religious judgment.

  I always thought that was flase because my half brother is Jewish and I love him. How could I see a poor defenseless baby and eventual best buddy as anything but family. 

Sometimes my brother would crawl into my bed and hug me because he just enjoyed our closeness.

He also fought for us to stay in the same room so eventually they got a pull out cot that they kept under his bed for when I was visiting. 

He was the one bright spot when I would visit my dad until my father lost visitation rights. 

I will never forget one day my brother came home from school crying and I hugged him and asked him what was wrong. 

Turns out the kids were making fun of him for his nose and being Jewish. He wished he was Catholic like me.

I reassured him I didn't want to be Catholic so don't say that.

I also stressed that anyone who says that sorta stuff is someone not worth valuing the opinion of, but if anyone ever lays a hand on you let me know and I will take care of it. 

I miss my brother so much truly the only member of my fathers side of the family I regret losing touch with. 

When I tried to touch base again he was uninterested in getting to know me. The family intentionally kept us apart and said horrible lies about me.

  I miss my half brother dearly. Around December I check when Hanukkah is, force of habbit. 

This year it's starting December 7th. Happy upcoming Hanukkah


1 week ago. November 17, 2023 at 2:49 AM

 Day 16 


Today doing runs one of my partners who I will call E that has been very open about being ultra gay came out and asked me if I am a lesbian I had simply been telling him I am queer before.

I looked at him today and said "well I'm wearing my girlfriends bra🤪" ( laundry day). 

Well when he had been a cool little gayboi the last day we worked together he was all up my butt today. 

At one point when he was trying to show me how to single load a stretcher he was struggling and I was like oh watch the proper technique and I did it easily. 

His partner B laughed and was like you aint got shit on her and E was so miffed it was almost funny watching his cheeks match his frosted tips. 

I wasn't trying to show him up I been an EMT for 3 years I am just new to this company. I worked for another private company, I have run 911 volunteering, and I been a member of search n rescue for 3 years. 

E he has been a driver for a few months and literally just passed his emt cert last week n really was struggling with medical conditions today.

  Infact tonight the manager even told him infront if me end of shit he ain't ready he needs more training. 

I wasn't gonna tell E him but one of the reasons I was assigned to be trained by B and E is they told me that they know E still needs training before they let him run calls and they want him with experienced people. 

Meanwhile he bitched about insanity like the fact when I made a stretcher it had more wrinkles in it then when he makes it. 

This is emergency medicine dude no one cares if the stretcher sheets have no wrinkles my god can he be any more fuckin gay! 


I think the sorta tomboy fuck shit up vibes I put out sorta rub him the wrong way because he kept saying things like talk quiter around medical desks, and when your calling dispatch speak more pleasant they get enough rough necks being rude. 

How in the heck did this guy ever find emergency medicine?

  He has only been doing it for a few months n it shows because anyone whos lasted knows you gotta have a thick skin a demented sense of humor -- uptight prissy people can't last.

  I still like the guy anyone who can put up with dating men have more patience then I ever will have. 

I know he means well but the fact he not only refused to listen to my experience but only admonished me for being too rough around the edges was annoying.  My girlfriend called me an Orch which is both true and untrue.

I have 3 degrees a 3.9 GPA Two medical licenses so I am fairly well educated and can put on the erudite cap with ivory tower elites. 

Yet I can also hang with a firehouse talk shit with the dudes and then go out on an 911 call bash a window in on a burning car and pull a woman bleeding simi conscious out and stabilize her. 

While in the ER I've had to help take down someone assaulting a nurse so he can be sedated when it explodes in emergency things go from 0-100 real fast. 

I am sure E would like university ICE better but I can't show my nerdy side as an EMT. 

I'd get picked on for damn sure already being a female I gotta be extra tough If I acted like E no one would wanna work with me because they wouldn't trust I have what it takes.

  Gay men have the privilege to be softer in EMS because they aren't assumed to be weak, the odd ones out, untrustworthy in an emergency, and second guessed when making life or death calls.

1 week ago. November 16, 2023 at 4:55 PM

Day 15 

CW: sexual assault 

This morning something amazing happened my girlfriend was in the mood to wrestle and I was able to without harming her. 🥰  For a long time I refused to spar anyone because my training and application of force potential was so great I knew I could hurt someone.(Made me very nervous)😵‍💫


  I will never forget when someone tried to sexually assault me once he picked me up and threw me so hard onto the bed the wooden slats holding the mattress cracked and I had some metal springs cutting into my back but when he mounted me thinking he had the upper hand.

He made a huge mistake he let me wrap my legs around his left arm and with all my might I yanked and twisted and wouldn't you know it his arm was then hanging by a thread ripped out of his shoulder as he was screaming obsensities and crying out in pain. 

He chose poorly to assault me, I been training at this point since I was 7 in martial arts 30 years under my belts in multiple styles when that incident happened I had roughly 20 years experience. 

Because I have seen me at my most deadly I have such unbelievable respect for people and try my best to hold back I never wanna hurt anyone ever who doesn't want it.

  I try to never strike or apply pressure on any technique that could cause a break or dislocation. 

It does make me feel slow because I always have to first figure out what can I do for an untrained or mildly trained person.

I think today was a good sign on my road to proving to myself I can have a low setting for fun and not hurt people when they wanna get frisky. 

When I teach people techniques I am able to do it without incident but I always been anxious what if I for a second get over zealous.

Last spring my best female friend Jen had aggreed to spare me and she is a 3 degree black belt in taekwondo and I saw she as most weren't as good with her hands and I jumped over her kick and did a turing backfist and I figured she would slip it but she was so shocked and Frozen seeing me move so fast I caught her flush in the face and she went falling back into the wall and had a bruise for over a week. 

I was so apologetic, because I wasn't even intending to hit her it was supposed to cause her to move back so I could get in tight and then flurry her but her inexperience with cloes up fighters and her assumption that I am so outta shape I couldn't go vertical like that over one of her kicks caused her to be wide open. 

I might be 220 pounds but I can dive over a 5 foot gap and either roll out or do a full on front flip. 

The power these little arms can generate is insane I was already at the world female championship taekwondo break levels at the gym I was working out of in Baltimore they literally produced the sliver medalist for my weight class.

  Note I am not as good as Kathleen but I can do some of the same breaks she was doing and when we spared it was pretty obvious she was more powerful than me but I was a tad more agile the issue is if she hit me it was brutal.

I remember blocking one of her kicks still to this day because it almost broke my arm. Her weakness was throwing such high power shots made her slow and she would lose her stamina quickly.

Final thoughts it is fun to think I am able to compartmentalize and be safe for normal people to play with me without having to fear or be nervous about injuries. 

I believe I am at that level of peace in life where like a tiger playing with human I can easily eff someone up but I am not vicious unless there is a problem. 

I am mentally at peace and my only focus is to bring as much happiness as possible into this world and if that means someone wants to wrestle me that's fine. 

Right now in my life I am going to work at cutting ny weight down I am a tad overweight at the moment and my increase my overall burst of power and endurance. 

Going back to working as an EMT full time you have no idea how often I need to help lift overweight people.

Just the other day there was this 400 pound diabetic missing a leg to get these types of patients up and onto a stretcher takes tons of training and strength.

  This is why there is a bare minimum requirement to be an EMT of being able to lift 150 pounds up two flights of stairs. When the company hired me they made me lift deadlift 120 pounds take it up a flight of stairs spin around and then walk it back down a flight of stairs with no guardrail usage or any help. 

This is the job and it is also sadly why the is a 70/30 gender imbalance. It's not discrimination to prevent women from being EMTs most companies I have seen would hire anyone qualified theres a massive shortage at the moment. 

But if you can't safely move the patients your going to come into contact with you cannot be an EMT you are going to hurt yourself your patient and your partner.  Thus over the next couple of months I am going to work on pushing my lifting and raw power right now I am at about 170 dead lift bench press and 160 butterfly. I wanna get it over 200 hundred deadlift bench press and get my butterfly to 180.

There was a time in my life where everything was over 300 pounds now that was in my mid 20's over a decade ago when all I cared about was being a fighting machine, But now I have a good reason to bulk up againg to save lives.

1 week ago. November 15, 2023 at 12:36 PM

  Day 14 

My Mother has been reaching out to me using the fact holidays are coming up to try and emotionally blackmail me to visit her. 

I haven't seen her in 14 months. First she probably should have been vut out sooner she was abusive and distant growing up eventually causing her to lose custody. 

I tried to forgive her many times thinking well she had me at 18 and was doing drugs what can you expect she was overwhelmed and should be given chances. 

Yet she never improved the final straw was earlier this year when I told her I started dating a female she was not only unsupportive she was down right hostile towards her and very skeptical of what they wanted in my life. 

I mean I am in general pretty laid back people can be mean and disrespectful towards me and I will often turn the other cheek but you being disrespectful towards someone I care about is a no go.

  I don't have a close family Infact just last night my aunt called me out of the blue because my godmother died no one even told me she was sick in the first place. 

The fact I am queer intersex and nonbinary they are just want nothing to do with me.

I have had my grandfather on my father's side once tell me if I ever went to his house again unannounced hed shoot me as a trespasser. 

So when I have been used to such repulsive treatment my whole life from my family it didn't take much to view my mom as the best of the worst.

  Yet it hurts to think I don't get to have a family especially around the holidays. Sure I have some friends who are really close but most of them don't want me to participate in there family affairs which is understandable. 

My girlfriend invited me to go spend Thanksgiving with her family this year I was thinking maybe I shouldn't go because I am not family just because I am dating her. 

She insisted because she didn't want me to be alone. I was like well I won't be alone because I would have probably picked up EMT shifts its not like people don't need medical help during Thanksgiving or black Friday. 

But she won out and convinced me her family wants me to visit even though I think she is just worried about my emotional well-being. 

The fact is I often talk of loneliness and despair but I feel its part of the human condition. I am just honest and raw if people had the same situation I been though they would feel the same way. 

Infact I know plenty of people who have a family that loves them and still feels lonely. 

I would never forget one of ny male friends told me the biggest mistake he ever made in life was starting a family with a girl he didn't mentally respect.

  He found her attractive and enjoyed the way she treated him two kids and ten years later all he does behind her back is bemoan how stupid pathetic and how he wishes she wasn't help raising his kids.

  I am not here to say he is right clearly there has to be some issues there but the thing he said he would go back and change in his youth would be to value intellectual and moral compatibility because having to spend a life with someone you don't have enough in common with just gets soul killing. 

Now mind you I am a demisexual sapiosexual I already know this. But it has been hard to watch how bitter and resentful he has become towards his wife.

  I brought this up because it to me is a very cautionary situation don't over invest yourself into someone you don't want to be in you're life forever.

  Thats why I didn't have a full relationship for over 8 years as dysfunctional as my bio family is and how painful it is to see some of my friends in families they hate and feel opress them it has just been so scary to me.