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Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Me just sharing what comes to mind.
1 month ago. February 15, 2024 at 4:50 PM

Last night after dinner me and the girlfriend snuggled and were watching some Lower decks as that was happening my dog Sitka wanted attention so she begged to be let on the bed. 

 

Sitka ended up falling asleep in my arms as she was hugged by me and my girlfriend. 

 

So exciting my two favorite people in the world snuggling it was so nice. 

 

My girlfriend showed extreme generosity when sitka needed pets to reassure her that she could be on the bed with us the girlfriend made an effort for her. 

 

Once the pressure of punishment was gone Sitka feel asleep so hard she was snoring kinda cute. 🥹

 

  I could spend the rest of my life wrapped up in so much love and not complain.😊 

 

Miss both my girls at work surrounded by trauma and pain.

1 month ago. February 11, 2024 at 2:22 AM

Drove to Saginaw for Extreme Haunt 

Today I was in a car for roughly 10 hours going from Baltimore to Saginaw for a once in a lifetime invitation only event. 

Extreme Haunts, when done right are akin to interactive Horror movies where you are in it alone. 

I will have to agree to a long lost of things before I participate but in general I will be abducted, taken to an unknown location, and then unless I say the safe word subjected to 2-3 hours of intensive experiences: physical, mental, and emotional. 

I have never done anything like this before I think it's a sign of my personal growth that in a situation I have so little control over I am calm and relaxed. 

In my youth as a result of having no family and being shuffled around from relationships I used to have a need for consistency and control. 

I am letting go of those illusions and ready to be a sponge and absorb a brand new experience.

  I hope it's enlightening otherwise this could be seen as a waste but I tried something brand new which to me is always a win.

1 month ago. February 8, 2024 at 4:17 AM

Orphan Tears 🥀 

 

Born abandoned ignored

The facility all too busy

Left to cry unsoothed 

 

Placed with faces unknown

Shuffled with no sanctuary

Left to cry unheard 

 

Belongings tossed with no value

Clothes on my back only promise

Left to cry destitute 

 

Even my guardian left

Somehow being born me

Forced others to flee 

 

None to hear these orphan tears

I drown alone

as it was meant to be.

1 month ago. January 31, 2024 at 1:51 PM

Terfs are the most Bigoted People Online.


This is my response to people who believe in the myth of binary gender.

Having a discussion about topics that include Intersex in the media is acceptable.

However, doing so in a way that is rude, dismissive, and outright bigoted towards members of the community cannot be allowed to stand.

In my own life, I was initially labeled male by medical teams because I have XY chromosomes. But my body wasn't responding to testosterone and developing correctly during puberty. The reason was I wasn't merely someone with androgen Insensitivey but had Swyer syndrome. Hence, the medical "experts" reclassified me as female medically and recommended me having operations to correct previous operations.

Now, here I sit, responding to my life and the debate about Intersex with a unique perspective. I have lived experience, and like other Intersex people, I am sick of other people telling us who we are.

I was raised male, genetically male, and thought I was male; wanted to be male, yet puberty had other plans. Due to uterine tissue, the only development of a female phenotype, including secondary sex characteristics, and living as a female for over 20 years, I am more accepting that this is my reality.

I never wanted to be female, yet at this point my gender I consider gender fluid because, at times, I am ok with my body being this way and accept it.

My experience might have been rare, but it happened at other times; I damn the universe for having me born in such a bizarre situation. Genetic males shouldn't have vaginas or periods; thus, it's mentally upsetting.

But why do I feel this tension? It's not innate. It's because of people who debate intersex existence. It's because of the hate and intolerance we face, and I have faced throughout my life.

It is because my own family, many friends, and the people I interact with made me feel like a mutated freak who would be better off dead. It is for these reasons that many Intersex advocates fought for and won the right in many countries for third-sex status.

Many Intersex people, myself included, do not feel male or female. Our bodies and lives are something different entirely from the trans and cis experiences. I may not legally have fought for the third sex designation for my records (fear of even more bigotry).

I understand why many intersex people feel it is necessary to better have their identification match who they are. In short, in my life, I have been legally and medically both male and female. I have identified more as a man, yet now, living in a pretty much cis woman's body, I consider myself gender fluid. If all this is true in my own experience as one solitary case study of an Intersex life. How can anyone judge or understand the unbelievably wide range of possibilities?

I share my story to raise awareness about the lived experience. This isn't a textbook article on a disorder. I'm a living, breathing person who has had to live with my conditions for decades. For intersex people, trans people, and questioning people who read this, live your truth. Everyone should seek to be the most genuine, honest version of themselves. This is your one chance to make your dreams a reality just be yourself, there will be hardships, but not being yourself is wasted potential.

As for those who seek to use Intersex as a debate tactic, be it trans people or terfs, there is a problem when you make a population already dealing with real health issues a more targeted minority. At least try to have intersex people's voices on the matter if discussing us.

Many of these debates do not have the best interest or concern of Intersex. The issue here is not trans people; they just wanna be left to live their lives in peace. It's bigotry and hate because Intersex is a reasonable demonstration that there is no sexual binary, even physically, that it now has created a sub-industry of grifters who want to try to rob intersex people of our identity and put us into the male-female binary to uphold their myopic worldview.

Although for many Intersex people, the binary works, it doesn't for everyone, including myself, and I personally don't need to debate anyone to know myself. We have already legally won the right to be considered a third sex. Thus, anyone who tries to debate binary sex has already ignored biology, medicine, the law, and the state.

Below are some starting points where you can be educated about third sex

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-46727611

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_recognition_of_intersex_people

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_recognition_of_non-binary_gender

2 months ago. January 26, 2024 at 3:00 AM

Today during a critical medical decision the team of people assisting me were distracted and not focused on patient care. 

I could feel the mounting confusion I tapped my partner on the shoulder and just said focus (he admitted he needed that).

Then I took charge gave the nurses task helping to stabilize and secure the patient. 

At the end of the shift my coworker thanked me for staying dialed in and focused on patient care while getting him and everyone on the same page. 

He was impressed at how when it was go time I commanded attention and got the job done.💗

  Sometimes male coworkers call me a bitch when I take charge. To have him praise me for doing it feels amazing. ☺️

2 months ago. January 24, 2024 at 9:53 PM

Support Trans and Intersex people 🏳️‍🌈 

Trigger warning: medical abuse, gender care 

How the Ohio bill harms both trans and Intersex people.  "The bill restricts the use of puberty blockers, hormone therapy or surgeries for transgender youth.

" The bill does not restrict the use of this care on non-transgender youth, and specifically includes an exception for intersex youth with ambiguous or abnormal sex characteristics" 

How this bill goes against the will and desires of trans and intersex people. 

The core right is that of self determination and the authority to have bodily autonomy. 

In the case of trans people it's often to have intervention in the case of Intersex individuals like myself it's often a desire to not have interventions unless medically necessary. 

So why the carve out because society doesn't care about what's best for an individual or respect that persons wishes. 

There's a deep desire to enforce conformity and there's pressure on parents and individuals to continue the myth of binary sex and gender. 

Thus for an Intersex person like myself we are often violated from birth to try and force us down a path that way we will "better" fit into society. 

Parents are sold this is in the best interest because if we aren't given this conditioning that it could lead to emotional and social issues. 

Well in my case because of this very practice I have many of those issues because they didn't take into account what my body was going to do during puberty or that it would reject treatments. 

This is why even though because of my body having a mutation that makes it function like a cis womans I will never feel or accept that I'm similar. 

Most women at 13 weren't taken to doctors and screamed at for not having their breasts removed. Or abused by there father's for not being able to pee while standing up. 

If intersex is rare and exists because of natural mutation why would people deny the possibility that trans people also exist?

  Be it a developmental trait, a hormone imbalance, an emotional social thing. As a society it clearly also exists. So just let them be.

  It's not the public or the governments job to diagnose or care for trans people so let trained professionals do the care and keep your opinions and the government out of it. 

Why can't people just let intersex and trans people live in peace.  What's worse is many are actively making our lives worse and rally people to continue abusing us. 

It wasn't but 11 months or ago I had a doctor tell me to my face I need to get my head out of the clouds I'm a normal woman and that I have to be realistic about it and what being a healthy woman looks like. (I was complaining that going on progesterone again started me having painful periods)

  Is that really the way to talk to someone who clearly has complicated feelings according to their experiences and body identity. 

I am just exhausted of the lack of compassion and understanding around trans and Intersex bodies.

 

2 months ago. January 23, 2024 at 1:12 PM

Mate preference priority model, focuses on the decision-making in partner selection. 

 

Meeting minimum mate preference thresholds can be more important than the overall score. 

 

Both those academic theories explain how I work especially because I'm a demisexual. 

I have criteria and although am willing to adapt some others are hard limits.

  I am sapiosexual if someone can't say interesting things to me or help keep my mind active there can be no relationship.  I am huge into trustworthiness I would rather have someone tell me something I may not want to hear then have them lie.  I hate liars more than anything else. 

 

I generally perfer women nonbinary or gender fluid people because I find those people understand and can relate to what I go through better. 

 

I perfer people who are moral I spend my time saving lives if a person doesn't believe that a part of life is what you give back it can't work. 

 

I perfer people who make me laugh Life is tough and I can get down so someone who helps improve my mood is beneficial. 

 

I prefer people who understand late stage capitalism and by extension our society is organized hurts people so its our duty to make it more inclusive.

 

  I am a skeptic by nature so perfer people with critial thinking be it religion political leaders our job is not to obey because person said x but to engage with ideas. 

 

I consider myself a progressive that often means I believe in ideas that are more forward then most democratics for example non violent crime such as independent drug use should be treated with therapy not prison if it endangers them. 

 

I additionally believe like in many other nations all drugs should be legal and help people use safely because a "war on drugs" isn't going to stop people if in the last 50 years it hasn't. 

 

The only thing that has happened by keeping drugs criminalized is make a huge blackmarket that generally is most harmful to low income communities and people with darker skin tones. 

3 strikes and forever imprisonment? 

Many people have had there lives ruined because they already were struggling with addiction not because they were bad people or couldn't have achieved more in there life without better support Networks. 

America has a prison industrial complex I can go on. 

It's not that I need someone to agree with my progressive positions I need someone who can at least accept that I am what's known politically as Far Left. 

A New York City skeptic atheist with 3 college degrees that was maced at an occupy wall street rally would be way to liberal for most people. 

 

I remember one time when I was going to class at University of Chapel Hill there was this massive anti abortion incident where like dozens of religious zealots were on the campus with like fake babies in jars and screaming at anyone.

  I walked up to some young religious people who seemed to wanna harass any young women and we got into a discussion when I said they had no right to tell a woman what to do with there bodies and if that means getting multiple abortions that's totally fine with me so long as the health and welfare of the woman takes priority he spit on me. 

The so called people who love life and want to defend it seems that my rights to even share my beliefs should be spit at.

  To me it really showed what they think of women. Its one of the reasons I wanted my uterus removed when I was younger the thought of carrying someones child who is grotesque to me gives me nightmares. 

Although I am fully aware I might end up alone my personal hero is Alice Stokes Paul she never married and little is known of her romantic life other than she was a bisexual. 

I am aware that I might end up the same way its why when I am actually in a relationship I cherish it so much. 

I am aware how precious a person who's compatible at all is.

2 months ago. January 22, 2024 at 12:26 PM

Being a Demisexual is Annoying. 

My girlfriend wasn't in the mood for affection tonight I respect that always because to do otherwise is sexually abusive and I cherish her. 

She felt sad I tried to reassure her as best I could that it's fine, genuinely I want her happy. 

For me pleasing my girlfriend is the most important act I can do for the relationship. 

She and other people at times wonder why if I have these unmet needs do I not pursue other partners or relationships.  She's poly and I'm supportive so why am I not dating others as well. 

 

Many people mistake my behavior for monogamy or anti poly but I keep saying it till I'm blue in the face I am not monogamous I am a demisexual it's totally different. 

 

I have had male partners, female partners, trans partners, cis partners and while I was dating my current girlfriend had a couple of encounters with others.  One of them being a board game party that got frisky she was apart of so she should understand that I'm not monogamous. 

The issue is that my level of sexual attraction is directly tied to emotional connection. 

 

Thus I feel most connected with my girlfriend so to me shes the most attractive person on earth and in a unique twist shes also in my opinion the most attractive women I have ever been with so I desire her most of all. 

 

I can't just turn this sexuality and sexual energy towards others for sexual gratification. I don't simply want anyone I want someone I love dearly. 

The few people I'm willing to be sexual with haven't made me feel crazy sexy the way she has. 

I mean one of our first dates she stripped me, threw me naked in a glass coffin, and fucked me for hours in a BDSM club it's really tough for people to display that level of passion and if a random person tried to do that I'd probably kick their ass. 

 

None of my other girlfriends showed that level of lust and raw sexuality.  We also are coming up on are year anniversary so that's exciting. 😊 

I might be a switch and in general perfer topping when kink is involved. Yet sexuality I'm shy and prefer to be acted upon. 

I can get rough if someone asks but my natural behavior sexually eems to be a pleading wide eye girl next door type who's all wholesome giving little pecks on the cheek and nuzzling someone hoping they might want me. 

Now if the sparks happen I can get more active but I am not great at persuading sex or taking the initiative from the outset. 

Gosh, I can see how compared to my larger then life personality when it comes to sex I'm meek and timid. 

Am I that lame. 😰 (Cries) 

 

To me it makes sense I was abused in the past plus I have gender dysphoria you put that together for me I need quite a lot of love and support to feel comfortable being intimate with someone.

(The brain is the biggest sex organ)🧠  I perplex people when I say I don't find any models or movie people attractive.

I personally don't know how people can.  For example just imagine an alt right Christian conservative can you find that an attractive partner? 

Most would say of course not. My response is now logically I don't know what an unknown person is like so until I meet them get to know them and there values establishing mutual respect I will not believe they pass my intimacy barriers.

  People think that's odd, to me its normal. All my life I have developed crushes on my friends and almost every girlfriend or boyfriend I have ever had started out as a friend or really close person I personally knew well enough.  The same way most people don't understand my behavior,

I have zero ability to understand typical human attraction because this is my normal.

2 months ago. January 21, 2024 at 6:18 AM

 Tonight after working 10 hours on the ambo my girlfriend decided to tied me up and play with me at the Baltimore Play House. 

It's a good way to end the night embraced with some rough rope🤤

  But then when I was laying on the mat in aftercare mode a new guy came over saying he was new and made it awkward. 

 

He asked a couple of questions about BDSM yet after without even listening to my responses went on to how he's just in this for the sex mostly and I seem hot n turned on. 

I said I was more into the BDSM then my girlfriend came over causing him to leave. 

This is for him and anyone new! 

Don't walk up on aftercare unless invited 

Don't ask a question then ignore the response 

Don't go to a BDSM club and expect everyone is there for sex. 

Don't say your new but then refuse to learn about the community you chose to interact with.

  Don't assume heteronormativity I perfer women so if you're male I'm less interested.

2 months ago. January 19, 2024 at 3:15 PM

I left the house today knowing full well I am going to be running emergent 911 calls due to staffing levels in the middle of a snow storm. 

 

But that's just the tip of my day. 

 

As I was leaving my neighbor harassed me for leaving my husky outside. 

She said she was gonna take her once I leave. 

I tried to explain the ideal temperature range for Huskies is- The ideal temperature range for Huskies is between -20°F to 60°F (-29°C to 15°C).  They are literally made to and love living in the snow and I have a friend checking up on her in like 6 hours not good enough to satisfy her level of stupid as she threatened me over and over.

 

She said I'm a horrible person and she's gonna make sure my dogs gone before I get home. 

 

So while I risk my life saving people I have to worry that my neighbor might be stealing my dog. 

The moral of the John Wick movies don't ever mess with someone's dog. You think people could understand that.

 

  I am doing my best to meditate to clear my mind before I get on the ambulance 🚑 my shift was supposed to start 9 minutes ago but focus is so hard. 

 

I have to be fully present or people could die. 

 

If people wonder why I believe in absurdism this is it, Karma has to be a lie with all the good I've done why does life abuse me.