Ice Girl's public thoughts.

I have been open to everyone on here and it's been cathartic working through my demons. I don't think I have been able to adequately express that my body mind and emotions are hyper feminine. I always had a female body. 

  Growing up because of my condition people constantly were harassing me to model its an open secret that many models have my condition because being unable to process testosterone we have beautiful features in terms of standard beauty. 

I updated my photos so you can see what I looked like for the majority of my life. Albeit I was pensive, that picture came about because I had a friend at surprise me with that outfit and they wanted to see me wear it to dinner. 

Until someone decided it was ok to roofie me which made me feel ugly and give up on myself. The abuser was the first male to ever penetrate me it was quite painful. As I have voiced before I have had issues with getting comfortable in my body to begin with and that compounded it. 

I felt unable to function properly for a long time, the fact I'm female I sometimes feel obligated me to a life of punishment for merely existing.

I'm trying to combat the bullshit in my head and gain a confidence and appreciate I never had prior. This blog has been so good to me as many of you have tried to help and support me. That's why I even as I'm crying as I write this I feel that its important for me to post this for all of you to see. 

Thanks for the continued love and support,

Icegirl 

I had to correct someone as intersex about trans and intersex being different this is what I explained...

Hello friend, I don’t know you personally and I think you may have some misunderstandings about me. I want to make this clear as you are well aware there are many intersex conditions and how those are expressed, how people and their families interact with said experiences, and what if any treatments are given, (without consent or requested) is different for all.

With such a range of experiences it isn’t uncommon for some intersex people to see themselves as trans or a cis heterosexual. Intersex is an umbrella term that covers so much and this reddit tries to make it comfortable for all who wanna have discussions and a safe space for intersex people, our allies and people curious.

 I’m intersex I’m sick of feeling ashamed of my biology, here is the summary of my story. I have two conditions CAIS and Persistent Mullerian ducts. When I was born my family originally put me in foster care because they weren’t even sure they wanted me, for better or worse they did decide and opted to correct me as a male child which is almost unheard of in the case of my condition.

I didn’t know about my intersex condition growing up, but they would often tell me I was male on the outside but female on the inside but what I did know for sure is anytime I showed any interest at all in female toys, behaviors, or activities I would be abused.

To spare the details it was pretty grim while this was going on they were forcing me to see doctors and take treatments to try and masculinize me, the medication unable to do much of anything just would make me sick. I would beg and be afraid because it just was getting to be so much. During most of my schooling children would make fun of me for being so pale, sick, and weak which was a direct result of this treatment.

Finally I had enough, as I started growing breasts and not showing any signs of masculine development for puberty I demanded that I’m female and I didn’t care they needed to respect that.

Well there response was to send me to an all boys school and shave my head where I was sexually harassed daily for being FtM eventually this led to me being assaulted where males just apparently needed to see me naked.

The day my torment ended wasn’t because of my families love or understanding it was that I had developed a period despite the treatments and the doctors refused to give me male treatments with my protests.

My family so angry they neglected me, and tried to keep pleading with me they want what’s best from me being male on the outside female on the inside was a gift since the way women are treated will make my success impossible since so much is already stacked against me.

I didn’t care and the abuse continued so much so both my father and mother lost custody, and my mother fled the state due to her stabbing me. I didn’t care to pressure charges. By 16 I was a homeless independent minor and finally I had a say and that say was to correct the mistakes that were inflicted upon me.

I am not, nor was I ever trans. My body was meant to be female and my family tried to do unspeakable things to mold me into what they wanted for me, instead of letting my own agency take the point. Yet due to the abuse I am uncomfortable being female, I am ashamed of my body, I hate at how simply being a female, has cost me my entire family and the church I was brought up in. I want you to know I view gender as separate from sex I am gender fluid although I lean female because it is who I am. 

I exist and my truth is just as valid as yours or anyone else’s. There’s a reason I say this is philosophical some would argue the fact my family tried to raise me as a male and I am now female I am trans. I say that’s horseshit because if it wasn’t for my condition I wouldn’t have pushed so hard because nothing was making sense from a physical sense I was deeply ill and had to have corrective operations done to fix what they did to me or else I could have died because periods.

LET ME BE CLEAR : I am not saying some intersex people don’t use or want trans as a label as a part of their process.  I and many do not feel its valuable for us, I am a friend to trans people in fact I have argued that Trans people should have more self-determination if doctors will provide operations and hormones on intersex kids from birth, or in early childhood who don’t want it why not let someone convinced of who they are have fair access.

I am with you in the fact that Trans people and Intersex people have overlap but I disagree in terms of condition. For me the overlap comes down to the rights of body autonomy self-determination and the way some people stigmatize both communities for simply existing.   There is a reason many intersex people don’t wanna talk about it or be open it is because they want relatively normal lives and seek approval from the medical establishment and heteronormative culture. I agree it might never be possible but I respect that is what they seek.

As for me I am a moderator here (on intersex reddit) , I volunteer as a board member of Oii America the largest intersex organization in the world, I have counseled many intersex and trans people, I currently work as an EMT on my way to medical school. I hopefully as a medical professional established can advocate for better treatment of trans and intersex peoples, AND FINALLY my personal desire I studied martial arts since I was 7 due to abuse and never wanting anyone to hurt me again.

I had a broken foot there was concerns about my bone density so my doctors did a bone density composition scan it came back perfectly normal bone structure and density for a female. When I got those results I cried and cried because for years I refused to compete in sports for fear the fact I am intersex would somehow be used against me. Sure anyone who knows anything about my condition would know I had no testosterone advantage shit I don’t even produce it never have as far as I know.

 Then it hit me I could finally compete at the champion level I am in a Taekwondo studio that just came back from worlds winning 9 world cup medals in Slovenia.  

Since that moment of my bone scan I have been training on average 4-6 hours a day often until my hands are bleeding and I’m ready to puke. I robbed myself something I loved my whole entire life and I’m not gonna do it anymore. How can they ban me legally, medically, birth certificate its all Female and medically every test shows normal female and I haven’t had an ounce of testosterone in years which even if I had it would have no effect and now with this bone density scan what’s the objection that I have a Y chromosome that does nothing?

That I was raised as a male till 13 and somehow that privileged me. LETS FUCKING GO WORLD I’m tired of being afraid to see what I got vs the best of the best.

Nice to meet you now you know me the one and only!

Last night I was talking to a woman I admire she was going through some of her pain with me for her to open herself up to me in such a devoted and trusting manner already put me in a delicate position since she had taken three shots.

I know alcohol has a tendency to cause people to loosen up people have been using it as a social lubricant for years, however I never felt right even in just a conversation if shes only welcoming me into her sphere because she's relaxed more then usually then -- I would hate to violate our trust.

She made it quite clear not only is it a natural way, but it has only made her bolder in her feelings.

To hear that finally from someone I had always admired and desired almost caused me to faint are we really cyber sexting -- what even fucking is this? 

I don't know, I never wanted a long distance thing or online thing, shit even when people tried to have phone sex with me it felt kinda weird.

But in this moment last night just talking with her felt as if we understand eachother in a way that made my body sing. Imagining the things she says she wanted from me or to do for me.

Then she gave me a warning that she gets aggressive at times in real life  I was thinking oh thank goodness. As someone who started BDSM in there teens and works as an EMT if it ain't intense is it even happening. I have had vanilla sex before with women and my god my mind just isn't backed into the moment at all I am forget phoning it in I'm just thinking about what I gotta do later today, or if I left something in the oven.

But passionate sex with someone you love: nails, teeth, force, sucking, fucking, rubbing, drinking licking. When both parties are covered in sweat, cum and my white skin matches my pink pussy from the engagement now that's a relationship with compatible sex and someone worth keeping forever. ?

Sadly right when I was starting to feel my lips drip wet she excused herself to bed and I was so damn horney and frustrated ? how could she go to bed at a time like this! She gets me going then teases me by sleeping, man she went from goddess to brat prettying quickly.

I tried to go to sleep as well but I kept tossing and turning in part because of the locktober challenge I had been a part of i had masturbated to orgasm in 2 weeks and she primed me in a very vunerable state so I had to just write to her. 

You talk about coping with sex i know your asleep but man you got me going I am in almost agony because of how wet and longing I am for you.God if I was with you tonight I'd want to love you like it was the most important thing in the world and at the moment it is.

Then she responded why do you think I excused myself? She didn't go to sleep we were vibing and both our bodies couldn't take the attraction any longer without being addressed. I was so bashful finding that out. 

I almost wanna blush even now ? I am shocked I can have that effect on people, especially a woman I'm capable of falling for ?

Yet I made a promise to myself to not take myself to orgasm because locktober and forcing Chasity and sexual cleansing can raise focus and desire. 

Yet after tossing and turning I finally went to sleep but my dreams were of her. Shes studying to be a doctor so its gonna sound cheesey but hey it's a dream deal with it. If you read this far into the blog here's where you find out what caused

 me to have to clean my bed today. While I was asleep I cam and all around my vagina ended up being a puddle.

So I am visiting her and its getting late wne were just going to bed and we haven't been together yet she looks at me and i open my blouse to expose my right breast and tell her "I have a problem doctor I think my heart is broken" then I continue forcing it into her hand as she's still kinda surprised. 

Is there a treatment or prescription. She joking back says 'you know if your heart was really broken you'd need a referral to cardiology do you want me to get an AED" 

I then say I think the only shock advised is you and i pull her into me and kiss her forcefully on the lips savoring the taste and then letting it slightly graze my teeth as she attempts to pull away for air.

I look concerned as she has a momentary look on her face like shes considering what to do next.

I see that hesitation as if she isn't sure if she wants me to feel rejected I sulk and sit on the bed ready to apologize for overstepping my bounds when all of a sudden she leaps on me tackling me into her bed and ripping my top off exposing my tender breasts nipples starting to swell almost painfully aroused.

Having just a moment ago think she was not gonna go for it I was nervous as a bunny. What is this hunnie i thought you weren't sure.

That's right i wasn't sure what i wanted to do next with you! And then she forced her wait into me smooshing are breast as she holds me tightly and beging to passionately kiss me as if that wasn't all she was up to her thigh somehow finds my vagina and is pressing on me rubbing with a forceful intensity in rythem to my body.

Then she says it I wanna hear you please show me your soul as we mate. I start crying from the intensity from the moment and i grab onto her and start kissing her neck nibbling her and then finally a jolt through my body casuing everything to shiver I can't hold it in any longer and i let out this yelp of exhilarating arousal. She knows she scored a victory and grabs my breasts and starts sucking on my nipples getting them to the point of nearly standing then she looks at me it dead faced and pokes me in the nose. I was like what's that for and she says see being a woman aint so bad silly ?.

I hug her crying saying I never wanna leave her.

Well I could go on but outta time especially since i still gotta clean this damn bed. Curse you infernal woman ?

Positive Relationships (R):  Reflect on the quality of interpersonal relationships in your life.  Do you have enough time with the people you care about?  Are you able to demonstrate your positive feelings toward the people you care about in your life?  What degree of support, laughter, joy, etc. do you offer and receive from these relationships?

Score Range : 0 to 10

R : 1

I have almost no positive relationships and have a near inability to have maintain or foster such relationships. I know what I am good at and the connection and relation with others isn't it. I believe this is a direct result of me having suffered damage to my first attempts at attachment. When I was born due to a situation my first few months were in a foster facility which clearly was so overrun and poorly staffed I had already learned not to bother crying since no one will ever come to aid me. By the time my mother did decide to try and raise me although due to her youth (teenage pregnancy) and a drug problem without help she wasn’t much better then total neglect since it was abusive. Being left alone or tormented on the daily by your mother who claims they “love you”.  Thus it isn’t surprising someone who started out in my situation as their operative mode finds people who wish to interact with them dubious in nature and deed.

I still see myself as the child not even a mother could love the idea that a random stranger could ever love me or truly care just seems impossible. Thus my logic is anyone’s attempt at connection must therefore be discounted out of hand as them either being: mistaken, misguided, or looking to mislead me. I am the lone wolf, I seek no comfort from others although for those I have deemed worthy I’d bleed for them. I value others’ lives above my own. I lack the capacity to have human relations and have nearly no one who cares about me thus almost every life is more important than my own. People tend to have family, friends, and people who count on them. When I am gone I won’t even be missed thus I am always at the ready to make alchemy happen and exchange my peace and life for another’s.

When I first started in BDSM and any relationships of any kind I made damn sure everyone knew I was the dom the Alpha and Omega! I don't know if it was a result of abuse of shunning myself of needing to project nothing but a fountain of strength so I was a "Dom" / "Top"  only! Women and even the first few guys I dated while figuring things out at times were shocked how even simple moments if there push back got resulted in a backlash of me wanting to break them for daring to show such insolence.

You wanted to try and top me of all people even for a second prepare for me to drive you into the ground pinning you by your throat asking you if you think this is a game filled with the fury of raging rapids. After even if they bowed there head still I felt awkward because they dared to challenge me and that itself was the only disrespect they needed to show for me to feel they didn't understand me.

Yet with age and wisdom I see that was coming from a place of insecurity of fear towards vulnerability. The moments I let go of control and started to flow with my partners I started to see a dynamic that was less force and more us. As I became more of a switch I Started to read my partner and play in the dynamic with them instead of drive them into what I wanted.

The reason why I am anxious around many doms is when I interact with them I see that they have many of those same poor tension moments when it comes to giving up control. Nothing wrong with that most my life I was there myself and I totally can understand how for some people that's what they need.

My natural desires often lead me to perfer dominate position but once I let the roles and strict expectations go, and started appreciating my lovers and what they bring to the tabel each as a unique expression of this brief moment called life. My sex and happiness was greater. 

That's when I felt I reached something higher then a title of mistress or master and gained my own appreciations for the diversity within humanity.

Ps. Don't expect if you're a Dom and you wanna be with me that I can always sub that's not how it works. It isn't a for the moment thing, sure if I'm with a Dom matching the energy will naturally cause me to bring out my subby side more but it can't cause me to alter who I am, no sex or relationship is worth that.

Love the one and only,

Icegirl  

The last blogger talked about attention from blogs I made it quite clear I am interested in dom women and women in general not dom men or men in general even though I am innately bisexual and could find either attractive.

The issue is I find it hard to have a genuine emotional connection with a man.

Yet I get usually 2-5 requests from men nearly daily when I'm on a bit yet almost no women ever.

I understand part of this is dreaded society and the social roles and expectations on women vs men.

If every woman wants to be a little chased and wanted well they gotta at least first let them know your interested I guess.

As for men I think it goes back to the dumb and dumber line so well you're telling me there is a chance.

1 in a million not goos odds and when I get so many guys giving me guff about how im bias judgmental too harsh because I don't know them yet a bully gets old. 

I already know that me saying I might be curious having sex with men and at times even want that on a physical aspect but I haven't done it for my reasons what makes the next one up think he's the one. 

I was trying to explain in class why I morally can treat people as an EMT who wouldn't want to associate with me or treat me with prejudice.

I looked for the exact right words they found me.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” MLK

If I let those who would seek to destroy me, or my light taint me then hope is lost. Only showing love and compassion even from one who would spit on me and call me enemy can I help drive out their insecure feelings.

I have always admitted to anyone who asked I was Bi/Pansexual and people used to always joke that was impossible since they only ever seen me in relationship and dating women.

I was like no it's true I just had many issues with men: an abusive father, sexist clergy, sexually abused and most of all just dealing with the fragile egos and non stop seeking to control me.

More so then a switch dom or sub I'm an alpha. I conduct my life from the stand point of confidence and taking charge. For example just last week at my job one of my managers asked me a polite request. I looked him dead in the eye and said do you like my work. He's like of course your the best, then you won't mind it when I tell you this is how I do my job, unless you're going to fire me request denied, anything else before you let me do my job without continuing the harassment.

The dude was so shocked, so taken aback he was apologizing to me for several days because he could see how pissed off I was. Generally it had to do with my unpleasant tone, with people and by people it has to do with men who find my assertiveness a threat.

I have been going through a huge moment in my life as addressed in other blogs I'm a female at birth not really different then any other but its do to a rare intersex condition. 

Knowing this my family and doctors always treated me like this was horrible wrong not how it was meant to be and really did a headcase on me.

No female or male child is born thinking they are a birth defect or shouldn't exist or should have been aborted or they are a let down.

That shit played with me most my life. Yet for me an analogy really started to help-- let's say two people are taking a trip to the same destination, one takes a airplane the other drives a car they both arrive at the same place.

Did how either one get there matter? 

So once I fully got over my issues that were instilled in me I was like hey you know what maybe that was a hidden reason I had not been with men that a subconscious part of me felt that was for women only and since I didn't want to accept myself as one that could have been an issue.

Well let me tell in the like 1 year I have been trying to see if I'm interested in men wow they been a huge let down. Be it the real life people online people all seem to have some of the same negatives.

Controlling, insecure, weak egos, liars, unemotionally supportive, aversion to eating me out, unearned confidence, less romantic and sensual then a woman, I can go on and on.

The fact is I been training in martial arts since seven and can kick though a brick and elbow though rock. I also run marathons so my fitness and strength is intense. 

Do you know how many men wanna test me? I had a boyfriend once get so angry at me he wanted to hit me but was too afraid so he picked up a chair and swung it at me. It didn't take me long to disarm him have him on the ground and asking him if he can calm down or do I need to choke him out.

Men love the arguments of yeah well you might be an mma bad ass but you can't beat Mike Tyson or some shit. You ain't Mike Tyson bitch the same way I can finish a marathon and that makes me more fit then 99.1 percentage of men when it comes to cardiovascular endurance and determination. My level of skill and dedication to the martial arts makes me able to easily defeat most guys in a fight without so much as breaking a sweat.

Can men beat me? Of course gotta be trained and it helps to have a size/strength advantage. How many of those guys exist 2% maybe 4%. Sorry to burst guys bubble having a penis doesn't grant any great benefits or magical powers sure you have the potential to be stronger then women myself included more easily but are you waking up like me at 6 am on a Sunday to go to the gym for 3 hours to start this and every day for the rest of your life. So just because your not reaching your potential don't get mad at me or try to nerf my joy of being a living walking hurricane. 

Getting to the point this so called attitude this fact that as I live and breath men feel instinctively challenged by me as if an alpha female gives a shit about how she's perceived. I live my life and I answer to no one but me.

Once guys start to realize this doesn't matter how attractive they found me they can't handle it and seke to change me to sabotage the force of womanly nature that I am.

In this last week I had an EX, a best friend who tried to have sex with me but couldn't get it up, and no less then 5 random people hitting on me either only or in real life all take issue with my decisions about my life and how I didn't or don't consider their feelings enough.

Is this a a joke, this is my life the only one I'm ever gonna get I'm gonna do what I wanna do and if I wanted to comply with said request I would but trying to order me around or bully me you just came up against an immovable object and have made me less likely to ever agree.

What I also find funny is so many talk of compromises which is usually code for do what I ask and maybe you don't have to listen to me whine and cry all the time.

I'm sick of watching my tone, of stroking frail egos, of not telling people who piss me off to go fuck themselves.

I'm not saying all men are this way! But the majority I have interactions with have been and the only thing I have to say about that is I feel sorry for heterosexual woman. I couldn't put up with it and won't.

So I think I learned enough that it wasn't me being uncomfortable with my body that led me to reject men or issues with history of sexual abuse. Nope I just don't mesh well with men and that's fucking fine everyone has different tastes. 

I hope with this blog going there and talking about how my position with experiences is evolving that I get less idiots contacting me.

If I get another guy trying to get into my panties when I explain for the god damn millionth time I'm a demisexual I need an emotional connection first even if your attractive one good conversation is not an emotional connection enough, I will be less then kind.

I am not anti-men I'm pro me, pro what I learned from my experiences and it has been men's actions that have caused me to become more comfortable with the position that unless a man is exceptional he is not worthy of my time.

I have yet to meet an exceptional man who wasn't already taken, women know not to let a good one go. 

Meanwhile I just love all women  I wanna support them and help lift all of us up. 

We face many of the same struggles and can all use more love and appreciation. 

Is this a double standard?

No doesn't the saying go bros before hoes?

Well I will support a woman any day over the generic man and I wish more women would stand together in that same ideology because the majority of men don't have our best interest at heart.

Love and peace,

Icegirl

One thing I love about this site is how fast it can take you down a rabbit hole and before you know it you've read dozens of articles on locktober the origin ( supposedly 2015 no fap boards) the spreading the adoption by the chastity community and then naturally into the BDSM community.

 I had never heard of such a thing before until this October 1st. When I saw the lock on my profile that day I was like well I'm not in a relationship right now, nor do I care to look so I will be glad to do the challenge, it isn't really much of one if you already live sorta celibate.

But then I started to think more deeply this event was started for locking men is there an equivalent ideology for females? Sure some things exist but as is discussed in the article for 24/7 locking by this own site for female bodies its impractical and perhaps even a health risk. UTIs periods the proximity of the vagina to the anus lots of problems.

So what does female locktober look like. Well for me A I am not only not going to seek but out right refuse any attempts at sexual encounter. 

If I had a person I was with in following the tradition I'd let them give me permission to access and release that part of my womanhood, but since I had no one to give the key it's kinda like an intense vow of chastity. 

Yet that's not enough to really make the month prove my devotion, no I gotta strain somehow. Reading about how the concept was to increase the bonding and dominance between male submissives and female dominants I read lots of ideas.

But very few with women. 

Yet most of them dealt with women testing, or teasing men to get them into a state of frenzy, and then having the say on if they would be allowed out to play.

How to do a similar thing as a woman. Ah well I started masturbating more frequently in the last two years after having never before ( raised Catholic and had body issues) how about I still masturbate like I typically would a couple of times a week but Instead of going until I'm satisfied which is usually 3 or more orgasms since the first one always just gets me way more horney. 

I will edge myself up to the first orgasm then stop -- no let down, no ease off it dead stop ?.

Make my body get so aroused that not orgasming is akin to suffering. Having that level of dedication self control and tolerance towards sexual denial has the power to change my mind and lust forever, sure I been and have edged before but the point is then to often have a bigger orgasm later.

Well I think 3 weeks of being edged to the brink at least 12 or so times with no orgasms will clearly lead to November starting off wet that's for sure. 

Isn't that what locktober is really about, going through an experience that is supposed to mean something and be transformative. 

So I apologize if I'm really having a tough time this month, but I think afterwards I will be sharpened for my devotion.

Thanks for making locktober a thing in my life cage. 

Quick recap I had been living for the most part as a lesbian and due to things addressed in other blogs family raised me to want to be a male although I'm not FtM, I never really got in touch with the fact I'm physically female.

As I got older though I went from being bisexual/ pansexual in theory to practice I started to find men really attractive and wanted them to have sex with me and fuck me these were brand new feelings I felt like exploring. 

My best male friend of 16 years was the first person I had these feelings for maybe because I loved him already so much or before I went away to college we spent a lot of time together. Either way I had fantasies of being with him and well last month I finally got the chance to act on it.

A warning to other ladies before you get too excited about someone wait and see if they are sexually compatible because the experience I'm about to share was so disappointing I'm still kinda recovering from the shock. 

First when I showed up he was timid and scared to go for it even though he had been talking dirty to me for months. I mean was he lying all this time, did he not want me, I mean thats why I went to visit in the first place.

Granted what happens next is where i kinda messed up I shoulda just left but I started crying about him being a liar and how we can stay friends but he better kiss my pussy goodbye since he ain't ever gonna see it sexually.

I don't know if it was the tears or the fact he realized how much I loved him to be that upset, or something about how my make up starting to run as I was so distraught.

But he was like ice I love you lets go to bed and see what happens. I was insistent I don't want pity sex just leave me be, you made it quite clear you perfer your hand to a flesh and blood woman who loves you.

But no he agreed and slowly my sadness turned to some excitement so I went to his bed and he started undressing me and caressing me and I started to nibble on his neck and whisper sweet nothings in his ear he decided he wanted to try and mount me so he threw me down on the bed and ripped me panties off all going good so far but then the trouble started.

He was so outta shape him trying to mount my tiny comparative frame was hard for him he was like pushing off the walls i could see him struggle I offered to change positions but I think it hurt his pride so he said ice shut up i got this.

Then as he was getting ontop he like threw his back out and screamed in pain. Seriously you can't make this shit up. I was like are you ok?

He was whimpering but now finally he said lets try something different so i got into a cat position by the edge of the bed and he tried to have sex with me but he was so far and his dick so below average it could barely make contact without his belly pushing me over like oh my fucking god seriously. 

Then after that he went so limp he was disgusted at his performance but then he remembered he had cock rings that he thought could help get him up me I was ready to end the misery but fine whatever try that then.

I was so agitated because this was my first time trying to be with a guy and I loved him but my god this was so pathetic I wanted to keep from crying again for a whole new reason.

Then he beat his own penis with the cock ring even though i offered to help seeing his struggle to get hard wasn't a turn on at all it was like yawn now I see why women partners are just so much better sometimes.

Then I was like honestly we can be sexual without your dick I can teach you some tricks I have done with women. 

He got so defensive I'm not one of your bitches ice I'm a man and I can do this. Well apparently he couldn't and he was so frustrated I decided to offer to give him a blow job since he was so distraught at his performance I felt almost obligated to give him a consolation prize.

He loved it because I really have a strong oral fetish and thus know how to work my mouth tongue and lips really well women give you alot of experience with the proper suction and tension. 

It didn't take long he barely lasted a few minutes his early ejaculation from it didn't even give me much oral pleasure literally it takes more licks to get to the center of a Tootsie pop.

He then was tired so he kinda just went to bed. I was like ahem what about me. He had the audacity to be like oh well you can just masturbate.

I was like excuse me why not eat me out or at least play with my breasts or something. He was like ice my back hurts and well I just orgasmed so now I'm tried and relaxed.

I literally couldn't believe it was happening he was just such a shit bag stereotype. In what universe is this desirable.

I never had a female partner be so unable to offer any real joy or enjoyment back. He was just a selfish outta shape bore that to be honest I would have been better off leaving it in the land of make believe because this idiot still wants us to have benefits.

Like are you kidding me yeah its a benefit to you but for me it was little more then the worst sex I've ever had since I loved him and now I know if rather be hit with a bus then do that again.