After hundreds of these, I forget that many have not attended. This may help...
Get out there and eat, Catterpillar.
What is a munch?
A munch is a gathering of kinky people in a vanilla setting, usually a pub or cafe. You don’t have to worry about being outed, they look like a business group or a hobby group meet-up, not a bunch of deviants. There is a lot of socializing, friendly conversation, and eating (munches are almost always held where there is tasty food!).
Munches are a key part of the BDSM community. It is where people go to meet other kinksters, see old friends and to establish themselves in the community. If you want to go to some of the private parties that are held in your city, you will want to start out at a munch where people can get to know you. This process is often referred to as ‘vetting’. The people who host parties want to see that you can behave appropriately in a social setting, and get to know you a bit before inviting you to their private homes or dungeons.
This is also a chance for you to get to know people in your community. You can talk to people and find out who you would like to get to know better, for friendship, play or romantic encounters. You can figure out if this part of the community is right for you. Keep in mind that different munches draw different people – if you aren’t crazy about the first one you attend, try another until you find the right fit.
What to wear?
Dress the way you would normally dress on a Tuesday evening (or whatever day its held on). The general rule is NO fetish wear. Discrete collars are fine, but obvious kink gear is discouraged (or outright banned).
It’s important to remember that a munch is a public gathering in a vanilla setting. Many people don’t have the luxury to be out about their sexuality. Many people just don’t see the need to advertise this side of them. Everyone has to respect everyone else, so discretion is encouraged.
What do I do there?
A munch is a great place to meet people in the community. You quickly get a sense of who’s who. Many munches have ambassadors, people to greet new folk and introduce them around a bit. Talk to people, listen a lot. If you approach the munch in an open and friendly manner, you will walk away with at least a few new friends.
Any rules I should know about?
Some munches have specific rules about who can attend, for instance, TNG munches are 18 – 35 only, there are sub only or Dom only. Be sure to check the rules about attendance before you go and respect them.
Once again, do not wear any sort of fetish wear or obvious signs of kink.
Don’t expect to take pictures. Cameras and photos are usually not allowed at kink events. If you really have to take a picture, check with the organizer and make sure everyone in the frame is okay with a photo (beware of people in the background). Remember, not everyone is out about being kinky and they may not want to have their picture taken, even if they only appear in the background.
At many of these events, name tags are provided. Please remember to use the name on the tag – many people choose to use their online handle instead of their legal name for privacy reasons. Even if you know a person’s legal name, it’s best to use what is on the name tag, since it’s what they feel comfortable being addressed as.
The use of titles is generally discouraged unless you have a kink relationship with the person. It is inappropriate to approach every female presenting person in the room calling them ‘Mistress’, just as it is unrealistic to expect everyone to address you as ‘Goddess’ or ‘Master’. Don’t try to force titles on people, no matter which side of the slash you find yourself on.
Munches are not the place to pick up partners. Focus on making friends and learning the dynamics of your local group. You may make romantic connections with people you meet at a munch, but it’s obvious if you’re just on the prowl for partners. Meeting people of all genders and orientations means you can make lots of friends – who may know someone they can introduce you to, so keep an open mind.
Don’t forget to pay your tab before you leave! If you forget to pay, then your host will have to pick up your bill – which isn’t very fair at all.
-- Ms Morgan Thorne
If you have not heard of Morgan..she is a longtime member of the community I have know her over 25 years. She says this much better than I.
Addendum: A munch is not a good place to consume alcohol.. Please do not ask.. ;)