Troubled Thoughts

To all my Trans Kinksters. As one country takes more and more steps back on progress and we learn that companies were never actually serious about their commitments to such social progress, know that you still have allies. We will not be silenced.

Remember the immortal words of Lady Gaga when Anderson Cooper asked her in ignorance if she was a hermaphrodite

"Maybe I do(have both sex organs). Would it be so terrible? My fans don't care and neither do I"

Recently talked to a friend exploring this lifestyle and she was talking to me about how their partner "used edge play" by telling her she wasn't allowed to touch herself because "he gets really turned off" by women touching themselves. I had to literally stop myself from shaking her and telling her to run, that is blatant sexism, not a kink/fetish.

To be turned on by denial is one thing, to be "turned off" by a woman pleasuring themselves? Goodness there are just so many fucking fakes out there...

Sorry for the rant.

I

Am

Just

So

Tired

Nothing proves more to me that you don't understand anything about BDSM than you talking about what gets you off.

Let me elaborate with an example. Having a sub serve me, demonstrating our dynamic with service and doing little things like cleaning the dishes for me is an incredible feeling. To be looked after because that is how a sub wants to demonstrate their submission to me. When someone talks about "oh, yes I definitely want to do that naked or in a sexy outfit for you" just... no... You're completely missing the point.

There are dedicated times for role play/sessions/etc, there is also such a thing as expressing our dynamic without it just being sexual. This may be a surprise but a sex doll isn't all someone wants here.

Just because I message you does not mean I want to sext.

Just because I like your profile does not mean you ask for me "to please spank" you.

Just because I identify as a kinkster does not mean I am not a person with boundaries and self respect.

Just because I am a Dom does not mean I aim to have someone call me honorifics right away.

Fucking talk to me as a person first and get to actually know me.

I'm so tired of it all.

But maybe it is too much to ask to not be lonely.

Rest In Peace Dame Maggie Smith

Most will remember you as Professor McGonagall but for me personally you will always be Grandma Wendy and Sister Superior. You've impacted many others and you definitely left an imprint on me. Thank you for a wonderful career and leading a beautiful life that brought so much joy for the rest of us. May we see each other again one day.

This is not a post attacking anyone in particular

More and more I am learning that subs are capable of being abusers too. Don't get me wrong, yes there are plenty of predators out there who masquerade as Doms and give us bad names. No, I completely recognize and acknowledge that fact. This post is not to diminish the ones who are struggling to find a "real" Dom.

Fact of the matter is, abusers exist on all ends of this lifestyle. And it fucking hurts.

Let me provide a common example I've come across personally often.

"I'm a brat, I need a Dom who has the strength to tame me!"

"Okay, what are your favorite ways to be tamed?"

"That's YOUR job, you're supposed to figure that out!"

That is an extremely unhealthy and downright abusive mentality to have. It puts all the pressure on one party to live up to a certain ideal and goal that is not being communicated in any way, no negotiation of any parameters, no respectful communication of desires and consent.

If you wish to engage and play with any sort of punishment involved, there needs to be communication of what that should look like at the very least. Consent has to be given for what is allowed and wished for, not to be assumed.

This is not a direct attack on brats, I know a lot of you get lumped into a bad category but it's the most common example I can think of currently. Thanks for reading my rant... I'm so very tired.

*Preface*

This is not addressed to anyone in particular but to those who need to hear it. Do not come in attacking me from some arbitrary high ground about how this doesn't apply to you.

It has pained me throughout the years how many subs I have encountered that imagine their future Dom is some magical combination of Captain America, disciplinarian, sex machine, chef, therapist, educator, father figure, home maker, provider, rock, safe space, ambulatory dildo, all with the patience of a Buddhist monk. Not going to speak on the behalf of my fellow Dom/mes, some of us definitely can be all of the above and fucking kudos to you brothers/sisters/non-binary siblings, but I want to address the one title I personally cannot and will never be.

Please don't expect me to be your full time therapist.

In this wonderful exciting age in society where we are finally understanding mental health is as important as physical health, at least in my corner of the world again don't want to speak on behalf of everyone, please know there are more and more trained professionals out there that know how to deal with mental and emotional trauma and can help you with it. Understand that I am not one of them. For the life of me, know that I am not perfect and am dealing with my own personal baggage, which I will gladly share with you if you wish, just like I would want to share yours so we're both not overwhelmed. There is however a big difference between sharing your traumas with me and dumping them all over me expecting me to be your life raft, to carry them in this turbulent raging ocean storm called life. I can't fix you babe, please understand that. I can only help you temporarily in between the times the therapist is available. I am a band-aid at best, not the surgeon you need.

One of the most painful things in the world is watching a loved one continue a trend of self destruction. Seeing and recognizing a pattern but there's only so much that can be done to help them. You warn them, you try and help them identify it, but there's only so much that can be done if they don't see it and recognize the pattern themselves.

One of my closest friends and someone I consider family is on his soon to be third failed marriage with a child that's to be expected in January. And yet his primary concern right now is if he could afford to buy his own place. Not the fact that his first child is going to college this fall from his first failed relationship, nor the custody battle of his most recent children, how to handle assets shared from the recent relationship, if he needs to pay more child support or be amicable and share costs for the recent children... no, his first thoughts is his own independence.

It's disheartening and aggravating. Not sure why I'm posting this here, just need a place to vent my frustrations I guess.

Maybe you don't know this but I do get alerted when someone views my blog. So to whoever has been consistently checking my blog for the last week even though I haven't updated in forever, just say hi... I won't bite...