Dirty 30s

Hey kink family♡

This is my second entry. I hope this entry finds all of you well. Well I want to discuss what I call my dark side and my family.

Now keep in mind, I grew up I guess would be lower middle class in a very small Indiana town. In this town everyone knew everyone and your business. I have always have seen myself as both and insider and outsider at the same time. Everyone was either Catholic or Baptist where I grew up so getting pregnant at a young age was frowned upon and yet in a way encouraged. 

Now I was a transplant into this small town. I always wanted a life outside of little Hazard Indiana. Yes, I was an all varsity athlete and cheerleader, but I was also the one who wanted to leave and never come back. I didn't do that until 3 years ago and I can say I've only been back 10 times in 3 years and good riddance. 

So, now to my family. My dad, mom and step-dad are very closed minded. Its vanilla all the way with them. My stepmom, well let's say she's had a bit of a wild streak. My siblings well my 2 sisters are vanilla all the way and my brother well he and I know we are of the same people. Hes my step brother so when you know a kinky person you just know.

Well my middle sister C was helping me unpack from moving apartments in the city. While unpacking she finds a very pretty box. I'm not paying any attention to her and I'm singing away. Well, across the room the box goes and she is screaming for soap. HA HA HA. The dork found my play box. No one in my family knew about my kinky side. If they saw a bruise from play I made up some excuse. That day C opened a can of worms I think she wish she didn't. So after getting her soap and explaining. She learns her sister is a submissive. Explaining this to her was so freeing and she was accepting. Its became our little don't discuss subject. But, she does ask for tips to try, even though I'm still learning myself. This life isn't for her at all, so she says. Who knows maybe one day she will convert. 

But the rest of my family has no clue about this side if me. Id be afraid they would try to drown me in holy water if they knew. My question to all of you is, do your family's know?

First blog here. I'm going to give this a whirl and share my thoughts and adventures of a 30 something trying to make my way through this insane roller coaster we call life. 

A little about me. My alias I got by is Winter. I do not share my real name online due to the type of volunteer work I do in my everyday life. I'm from a small Midwest town in Indiana. I got out of a very vanilla abusive relationship back in September of 2017. When my ex left me I lost everything. He made sure I was so damaged that it would take years and a lot of therapy for me to be ok and be able to be with someone again. 

Anyways enough of the sadness. We all have our rock bottom and I have rebuilt myself from mine. I started over in a new city. Got my own place and made my own way. Now after 3 years I was ready and now know what I want. So on the hunt I go. 

I first got into BDSM thanks to my theater teacher in college for partnering me with this really sexy God like man for a project. We first started talking as normal classmates and it turned sexual and dark fast. I had only been with one other man until him. He was my first dom. Jude, showed me the life and told me what was expected and I became his sub for a little over a year. Then I met my ex and went the vanilla way. 

Now, 3 years after 8 years of a vanilla shit relationship, I of course joined the dating apps Bumble and "everyone's favorite" Tinder. The first 2 months on were not very exciting. Then I met my first real dom.

Bryan, lived a tad over 2 hours from me and was a VP of a bank. He was in a poly relationship and I would be his number 3. So I dove back in the world and loved every min. The beatings, the being tied down, the pleasure, sensation, the lost track of home many orgasms I had and the most important giving him all the trust and control as soon as I walked into his house. He was a stranger and the moment I met him I knew I could give up control and trust him. We established it and it was thrilling. I know it sounds insane but the connection, desire, lust and boundaries were set. The first time we played involved a lot of talking and building. After 3 months of fun. Bryan broke things off with all 3 of us. 

I can't say I blamed him. He was a very lost soul. A sex addict and he didn't know what he wanted. So he ended everything with everyone. He sought help and his help had him cut all of us out of his life. As sad as I was when he ended it, I respect him more for knowing he wasn't ok and wasn't on the right path. 

So back to the dating apps I swiped. Finding nothing but fakes and wanna be doms. I was asked if I could train one to be one and I was too new myself and didn't feel I could. I was googleing some bdsm topics my therapist and I had discussed. When I came upon the cage. I read about this and knew this is where my people are. People like me who I could learn from, befriend and maybe find my sir.

I've been asked by several what I want and expect from a dom. My answer is usually to be a sub in and out of the bedroom. To be seen and not heard in public. To honor my dom and please him in every aspect and manner. What I want is someone to meet on the 4 levels I have expectations out of. These 4 levels are: physical; emotional; intellectual and BDSM. 

Now I have been asked why don't I settle for a check on 2 of the 4 or 3 of the 4? The answer is, I have settle all my life for what was expected of me. The college degrees, the career, the nice car, the normal vanilla life that everyone lives. I DONT WANT THIS.  I want to look back on my life as an old lady and say wow I lived and I didn't settle for less than what I really wanted. Screw what society deems as normal. I AM NOT NORMAL. I am me, Winter, a submissive. I won't settle until I find my Sir and mine and his needs are met.