Online now
Online now

Things Going On

I just thought I would use this blog as an opportunity to get some thoughts down and maybe get some feedback.
2 years ago. March 17, 2022 at 10:36 PM

Hello friends,

I have taken some time off from this site and have recently started using it again.  I had met a lot of cool people on here with whom I have lost touch.  For now I am not a premium member so I thought maybe blogging would be a good way to communicate and interact with fellow Cagians.  

The reason that I have taken some time off from the Cage is because I have been deeply immersed in a new relationship.  I had wanted to try being polyamorous for a while and my Daddy at the time had said that it would be okay after some discussion.  I had been talking to an old friend online now and then and an attraction popped up between the old friend and me.  He had revealed to me that he had used to be a Dom a long time ago but had gotten out of the lifestyle.  I found this very intriguing and enjoyed discussing some of the things that I enjoyed about the D/s dynamic with him.  My Daddy at the time gave me the ok to be in an internet/phone relationship with this friend.  I began doing submissive things with both partners, which got a little confusing at times.  My Daddy told me that I was not allowed to have another "Daddy", though, so I called my new partner "Sir".  I tried very hard to give both partners equal attention and to give both of them what they wanted and needed from me.  "Sir" and I found each other falling pretty hard for each other.  We both have a goofy sense of humor, which is something that I didn't share with my Daddy.  Sir and I both delighted each other to no end and my Daddy started to notice this and I think it made him feel inadequate.  Eventually my Daddy decided that he and I couldn't be together because, he said, the fact that I was in love with another person meant that it wasn't true love between us and that he would always feel like he wasn't enough for me.  He made some other salient points about the issue that I can't remember.  So my Daddy left and Sir became my Daddy.  My relationship with my current Daddy is different in several ways from my relationship with my previous Daddy.  For instance, I am a human pet in my new relationship and I was a baby girl in my previous one.  My relationship with my current Daddy is still long-distance-only because of Covid but we hope to change that soon.  I am really in love with my new Daddy but I am pretty sad about losing my previous partner.  My previous partner and I were together for 4 years and married for 3 and I had thought that we would always be together.  I have struggled a lot with feelings of guilt about destroying our relationship by becoming polyamorous.  My first Daddy had said it was okay, though, to be in a relationship with another person, and he chose to leave me; I didn't leave him but sometimes it feels like I did.  I have gotten a little closure about the situation by talking to my previous Daddy who says that he is happy.  I was intensely worried about him being heartbroken.  That was probably the thing about the whole situation that bothered me the most.  So, I have been in a state of being very happy with my new partner and being very sad about losing my old one.  It has been hard but my new Daddy is very supportive, is a very good Dom, and is utterly delightful.  I have been appreciating these things while being heartbroken at the same time.  I never thought things would work out like this.  I was, and I suppose I still am, genuinely in love with two people at the same time.  My new Daddy and I decided to be in a monogamous relationship after not hearing from my previous Daddy for over six weeks despite repeated attempts to contact him.  I didn't think that a polyamorous relationship had worked out so well before so I thought a monogamous relationship was a good idea.  My previous Daddy finally contacted me and said that he still wanted to get a divorce but that he would like to be intimate with me maybe once a month or so.  My new Daddy didn't like this and said that I could choose to be with Him or with my previous Daddy but that He wouldn't be with me if I wanted to be with both because we were now in a committed monogamous relationship.  I chose to stay with my new Daddy but this has been a very confusing situation.   

obsequiae​(dom male) - Well, first off let me just say no matter the reason, that's a lot of emotional turmoil to go through. I will say Ex-hubby is ridiculous for just straight up cutting off the relationship rather than having a conversation like "this is taking more of a toll on me than I thought it would, would it be okay if we had a conversation about this?" and go from there. But also ex has some cajones on him being like "i still wanna get a divorce but can we like fuck once a month?"! And new guy isn't impressing me much either. I can see where new guy is wary of the ex, but also at the same time giving you a flat out ultimatum is kind of wild to me.

This is very much just an outsider's view and based on a very narrow post about specific events, but neither of these men read as effective communicators or emotionally mature beings.
2 years ago
Avanova​(sub female){owned} - Before he left ex-hubby and I did have a lot of conversations about how the fact that I had another partner was taking more of a toll on him than he expected but he would say that he didn't want me to end things with the new partner because he wanted me to be happy. We tried setting different parameters to help make ex-hubby more comfortable with the situation but, ultimately, those parameters didn't help. Thanks for your input!
2 years ago
kyubii​(dom male) - This sounds like you are poly by nature but your Daddy's are not. I think you need to decide if you can be happy being monogamist. If the answer is yes then pick a Daddy. If the answer is no then choose neither and start fresh. Ask yourself if you would be happy watching your Daddy going out on a date with someone else. It is easy to give your heart to others, but how do you feel when someone you love do the same?

2 years ago
Avanova​(sub female){owned} - Thanks for your input!
2 years ago
Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} - Hi Avanova! Welcome to blog land 😁! What I read here, and it's just my opinion, you were not in a Polyamorous relationship, rather an Ethically Non-monogamous (ENM) relationship! To me there's a BIG difference. Poly usually means more than one love and that all are in love (in some form) with each other, and play a role in the relationship (triad, etc.). They all have a role (not all sexual) with one another. An ethical Non-monogamous relationship is when you have multiple partners that are aware of the others, but are not involved in, or take a role in those relations. It can work, both Poly and ENM, but as always communication is always the most important factor.

I am happy to hear you are happy with your new Daddy. May the two of you find love and happiness together (and with others, if that's what you choose). ❤️💖🌼.

I hope my comment may have helped some. 🤍
2 years ago
obsequiae​(dom male) - Sorry to get into semantics here but Polyamory is definitely not just confined to "multiple people in one relationship together". Polyamory is basically when you are having multiple consensual romantic relationships which may or may not happen to contain a sexual relationship within them. Any good polyamorous relationship is by it's nature ENM, but not all ENM relationships are poly. ENM is just an umbrella term for all of the various ways one can, with consenting parties, engage in anything that deviates from the standard "2 people in 1 relationship that are both romantically and sexually exclusive" monogamous relationship.
2 years ago
Avanova​(sub female){owned} - Hi Morley! Thanks for your thoughts on the matter!
2 years ago
Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} - You're welcome, and yes, they're just my thoughts ❤️🤍🌼
2 years ago
ScarletRose​(switch female){MR H+RL} - I would highly recommend the book "The Ethical Slut " by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy. It has really helped me learn and navigate the world of ENM.
2 years ago

You must be registered and signed in to comment


Register Sign in