My Random Thoughts

I just took the KinkTest.Org test - how accurate do you think those tests are?! Thoughts?!

96% Rope Bunny
82% Submissive
75.5% Masochist
72% Experimentalist
67% Slave
61% Vanilla
57.5% Degradee
50% Girl/Boy
42% Daddy/Mommy
41% Exhibitionist
38% Dominant
36% Owner
35% Brat Tamer
35% Brat
32% Voyeur
30% Master/Mistress
25% Degrader
22.5% Sadist
18% Ageplayer
16% Primal (Prey)
16% Switch
16% Pet
7.5% Primal (Hunter)
6% Cuckold / Cuckqean
0% Rigger
0% Non-monogamist
0% Findomme
0% Pay Pig
0% Swinger

I feel that assignments are often an underrated aspect of D/s relationships. At first, I was hesitant to implement tasks into my past dynamics due to my full-time employment and freelance work occupying so many hours of my day. I didn’t want the assignments to end up being “another thing I have to do” or “something that will stress me out on top of everything else I have to do”.

Now I can confidently say that I would not want to have to miss them anymore.

For me, the task or assignment should have a purpose for

• my growth/education
• his/my benefit
• training or to gain information
• personal care
• or to simply keep me busy

The last bullet point is probably the most important one to me! 😄 I like staying busy. Executing tasks gives me the feeling of having a purpose. Completing tasks is an accomplishment for me. It makes me feel needed and it makes me feel good.

I need a daily check-in routing (communication is HUGE to me) and providing my partner with what is requested including but not limited to: collar and jewelry, clothing, personal care, playing, self-care, bedtimes, writing/reading assignments, etc.

I realized that my kinks can't be "turned off". I can't exactly explain what draws me to it and at this point, I am not worried about it anymore. This is who I am and this is what I want.

My submission is earned. My Dom will work towards it rather than demand it.

The key to earning my submission is respect, communication, trust, loyalty, and his innate desire to care for me.

I have to be physically attracted to him, sure. But the mental, emotional connection is vital for me as well.

Discipline.
Honesty.
Patience.
Respect.
Sense of humor.
Trust.
Understanding.

The base of a successful partnership where I will feel comfortable submitting in is:

Friends first, lovers second, and D/s last. Otherwise, the dynamic will not have a solid foundation and I need that emotional/mental connection.

Playing in the bathroom of a restaurant, car, dressing room, library, park bench, etc. Oh, the ideas that come to my mind. 😈

Me, on my knees, a belt around my neck while he’s working. I bury my head between his thighs as he holds the belt in one hand, and grips my hair with the other.

Walking to the car as we leave a restaurant. He pushes my legs aside with his boot, presses me to the window, pulls my hips back, rolls his hand up my thigh until he reaches my excited mound.

Walking through the front door. He puts his belt around my neck, pushes me against the front door, on my knees. Taking my soft, curly hair in one hand, pulling his cock out with the other. My wrists held over my head as I hear him say “open your mouth”. The corners of my lips raise when I hear his instructions as he pushes his cock in my mouth.

Teasing him anywhere, and he's putting me to work anywhere. 😈

Coming home after a long day of work and suddenly he grabs me, pushes me to the wall, and whispers something dirty in my ear. He then proceeds to drag me to the bedroom, pushes me on the bed, and ties my legs and arms to the bedpost. He puts a blindfold on me and at that point, I am probably already dripping wet. He slowly kisses me all over my body and massages me all over. Then he starts whipping me, choking me and spanking me., and thrusts himself into me. He stops and teases and edges me until I beg for release. He finally allows me to orgasm and I am spent. He unties me, picks me up lovingly, cuddles me, feeds me, and brings me water. After-care is as special as the session. He strokes my hair and tells me how much he loves me. He uses me one last time whispering “good girl” in my ear and we fall asleep.

I miss that.

“My” Dom will not

• have a cock pick as a profile picture or anywhere on his profile. He’ll have class!
  (More power to anyone that does – you do you!)
• have an empty profile description that leaves me wondering who he is and what he is looking for.
• immediately ask for naked pictures. Although it’s FL, my pictures show quite a bit.
• disrespect me.
• be inconsistent.
• ignore me.
• lie about being married or in a relationship.
• establish rules and doesn’t expect me not to follow them.
• skip proper aftercare.

“My Dom” will be

• Accepting.
  He will accept me for who I am and will take my needs and desires into consideration at all times.
• Communicative.
  Communication is essential in my D/s relationship. My dom will be very interested in me, not just my sexual wishes. He will ask me about my needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits, etc. He wants to know all of me to ensure he never endangers me physically or emotionally.
• Confident.
  He will be successful in his career, or at least happy doing what he is doing. Although he has whips, chains, etc., he will not need them to be dominant. A whisper in my ear and maybe a firm grip of his hands around my neck will do the trick just as well.
• Consistent.
  He will be consistent and will never let me wonder where I stand with him. Inconsistency is a very unattractive and dangerous trait to the submissive who services him, in this case, me.
• Courteous and Respectful.
  He will not use yelling or insults as a form of communication and he will not ignore me. Ever. Point, blank, period.
  Honest and Trustworthy.
  He will be truthful and open so that I feel comfortable being completely emotionally naked in front of him. Honesty is based on trust, and without that, there will be no relationship.
• Loyal and Consistent.
  He will be loyal to me. He will not seem desperate for my attention, but will unambiguously let me know that I have captured his attention. I will eventually be the center of his attention and there will not be another woman that he is remotely interested in.
• Patient.
  He will not demand my submission, he will earn it. He will wait for me to be ready instead of pushing me into anything I am not yet comfortable with. At the same time, I will be open to new ideas and he is allowed to expect that from me. He will give me the appropriate time and will teach me how to serve him. He will take his time to select me as his submissive because he is serious about me, wants to be able to be good to me, and lives up to my needs.
• Enjoy Responsibility.
  He will take responsibility for my body and emotional well-being during scenes. He will also make agreed-upon decisions for me in everyday life. He will make mistakes, and admit to them.
• Put my Safety as his Focus.
  He will be willing and able to research and educate himself on the D/s lifestyle. He’ll learn the proper way of playing with any toys and equipment before using them on me. Because my well-being is most important to him.
• Have Self-Control.
  He will always be level-headed and won't lose control over his behavior or actions.

"It hurts", she said, brow furrowed, tears pooling.

"I'm aware", he replied.

I'm also aware of how wet you are."

The journey of my submission has been a long, emotional rollercoaster. I didn't fully understand and discover myself until my early 30's.

I am in control of every aspect of my everyday life. On top of that, I am extremely organized in all areas of my life to the point where I’m pretty positive I could be diagnosed with some sort of OCD.

I am a strong woman looking to surrender in relationships.
This may sound and seem simple, but took me years to figure out. In my younger years, I was drawn to men who almost mentally abused me. I still struggle with that sometimes. But I know better now.

I'm submissive with masochist tendencies and I want to be used, possessed, and owned. At the same time, I want to feel needed. I adore fierce, possessive, and sadistic men, who are caring and affectionate as well.

It all makes sense now.

My submission is earned, not assumed, and not given to everyone. Only one to one special person deserves my submission.

Not only do I need to trust my body to my Dom physically, but I also give want to give myself to him mentally. The psychological side is the most powerful and most dangerous to me, as I expose myself completely and therefore put myself in a vulnerable position. It’s the most rewarding aspect of the relationship I am seeking, but also the one that scares me the most; Because I could get hurt.

The key to a successful D/s relationship for my Dominant to get to know me. What do I thrive off of, what works for me, what makes me happy, what scares me, what makes me uncomfortable, etc. A successful D/s relationship involves communication (a lot of it), trust, and transparency rather than going in blindly. It's important to talk about likes and dislikes. Being completely transparent and open has allowed me to a journey of self-discovery I did not see coming. At the same time, everything about it feels right. I feel like I belong in this kind of partnership. I learned how to be able to let go and hand myself over to my partner.

It's not just a state of mind, it's a state of being.

Along the journey to finding out who I am as a person and a submissive, I also learned that I need a dominant that is willing and able to assume responsibility for me. Deep down, I am sensitive and require a certain duty of care. I need him to fully understand my needs and wants as I bounce off of his energy. It's a fragile dynamic.

If I am treated with respect and care, I will obey. Not because I want to, but because I need to.

To me, TPE is, I would almost say, the most important dynamic of the relationship.

I enjoy passing the authority of certain, previously negotiated parts of my life over to my Dom. There’s something so powerful about being able to trust someone to the extent of allowing them to make decisions for you, and knowing they make those decisions with my best interest at heart.

It’s a very meaningful dynamic that provides an incredible amount of happiness to me. On top of that, it makes me feel safe. My two safe places are likely in a TPE relationship and having my neck in a belt!

I’ve had discussions with someone people who asked me: “Why are you making yourself a mindless beep to your partner?”. I don’t think that’s what I do. I am smart, opinionated, and independent in my everyday life. I DO NOT want to be that way in relationships. I choose to surrender; it makes me happy and feels safe. Besides that, no outside person would notice, for the most part. They would probably think, we’re old-fashioned.

TPE, to me, is about structure. I need structure in all areas of my life. I have to stay organized and have a routine in everything I do. TPE creates rituals that are expected. It also shows me that my Dom is consistent as he would enforce the agreed-upon rules. I am not able to be in a relationship where my partner doesn’t enforce agreed-upon rules, as I will not be able to submit or desire him then (learned that in my last experience). I need him to want to establish dominance over my life. The foundation of TPE is love, acceptance, and a huge amount of trust and it’s fulfilling when he desires my services as much as I crave to provide them.

I desire a Dom with leadership skills who wants to take on responsibility for me to some extend. I want to follow his lead.

I'd like him to look out for me, and what’s in my best interest before looking out for himself as I appreciate a level of selflessness. He should provide structure and stability.

Effective communication is huge to me: Identifying communication styles and needs of both parties, and adjust to one another.

I want to be guided, motivated, and that he genuinely trying to figure out what I need to be happy. I want him to care about my stressors and my daily lives which ultimately leads to me being able to count on him.

I want to trust him and I want him to elevate my life!

Let’s face it: This lifestyle doesn’t resonate with everyone. For some, it sounds dangerous, criminal, and maybe even abnormal. To me, it comes naturally. Even to the point where I struggle when I do not have the dynamic in my life.

I ENJOY getting hurt and being used by my partner and at the same time, I am his world and he would do anything to protect me.

• Why do I enjoy a forceful hand at the back of my neck?
• Why do I LOVE a belt around my neck?
• Why do I enjoy it when he spanks me?
• Why do I like a whispered command in my ear while out in public?
• Why am I crazy about the suspense of knowing and at the same time not knowing what is going to happen when we get home if I "act out"?
• Why do I want my partner to take me when he wants me?
• Why do I feel wanted and desired when my partner takes me in the middle of the night, face pinned down by his hands?
• Why do I love it when he says "good girl"?
• Why do I love when he asks me "Who do you belong to?, "Who's whore are you?"
• Why do I love saying "I am yours", "Thank you, sir", "Yes, sir"?
• I have no idea what it is that makes me feel so good about this dynamic. But at this point, I'm not worried about it.

I CRAVE it, I WANT it, I NEED it.

I am a submissive, rope bunny, masochist, and slave - this is who I am.

I need a dominant, rigger, sadist, and master - this is who I want.

I have not idea what draws me to this lifestyle, and at this point, I'm not worried about it anymore.

This is simply WHO I AM and this is simply WHAT I WANT.