A moment and then another

I am lost in a good way

My silence speaks volumes of my actions

And the words I don't speak are like prayer coursing through my veins

Absence here indicating my presence elsewhere

Living, doing, being, closer

To my dreams

To my self

To the Ocean

Things I can be proud of, that stay deep in my belly

And those other voices being banished to a quieter, less consuming, whisper

The birds are calling and I can hear them so clear today

An exhale with such relief

I did it!

I found my way back to a place I remember

A place that was shown to me

I feel it in my bones

The beauty 

Such relief to feel it again

Words cannot describe

Babylon

Paris

Dawn

Home

You're doing it right

And truth becomes you

Stick to the plan

Keep going

And stay silent

Till it's time to speak

Perhaps I need to remember that every time I feel anger toward my mother, it is really grief, and for all her ignorant words, I am learning to be evermore present and understanding with my own dear ones.

I don't need her understanding or approval.

I see myself beautiful, brave and honest.

It's time to put it to rest.

.... "been trying to meet you"

It's a thing with me, song lyrics always playing in my head. And Pixies are a love of mine ❤️ 

It's been a long while since I said "hey". I've been doing life. I have a lot to say but also not.

I'm enjoying the quiet slowness of my Saturday morning with this music massage for my mind...

Enjoy ✌️

After letting so many wrong ones in, it's so hard to let anyone in.

I didn't know anything about intruders.

Ripped open, I see them now. But I'm a little shell shocked.

However, those wounds turn to gold.

I let the right one in.

Now it's just time to believe it and feel it entirely.

I burst with admiration for these two women

Who keep their heart open

And are unapologetically so themself

Two stories that are my inspiration 

It's so nice when I am not centre stage

But I am in my mind

Without the need to put myself in front,

On display for others,

Content in the background 

Quietly feeding my soul

With you

At the alter

Why do I still care?

When I so desperately want to let go of other's opinions, judgements, jokes

Why can't I let it go?

How do I let it go when it always feels like I'm right back in the same place, doing the same thing -

Caring

Worrying 

Crying

I'm always so angry with myself for trying and failing, for letting myself hurt, for trying to take advice or fix me

The last thing I need is advice

Always trying, trying, trying

I need me to stop being so mean to myself

But I don't know how

I don't know how to love myself the way I need to be loved 

And I don't know how to filter what I care and don't want to care about.

I don't know much and I feel so much

I feel crazy

Please don't tell me to "let it go". It's all so very easy to say but very frustrating when I feel stuck, which is often.

A year ago

an anniversary that keeps repeating 

Remember this Jack?!

What love is to me...

Words that mean other words

Love is no words 

And all feeling

Love is the sunshine on my back,

The rain on my skin,

The breeze kissing my forehead.

Love is a hand held,

A whispered smile,

Tears falling on my legs and

It is a soundless scream.

Love is the scratches on my skin,

The itch of grass or

The bruise from a fall.

It is the roadmap written on my body,

The scars of my suffering and

It is the crying birthed from so much beauty.

Love is my heart bursting and

Choking me with a thousand silent tears.