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A moment and then another

I only exist in the space of the other. My strength, my joy, my love - We are the moments we share.

I have no title, no absolutes, no fixed adornment. I am not submissive in the sense that it is in me and absent in another. I am what I am at the time that I am. I am submissive to all and to no one. I submit to the world in complete faith of its wisdom, acceptance, love and deliverance.

I cannot be defined in absolutes but can be labelled with qualifiers just for common understanding and no more - ever disrupting, ever changing, ever subsiding, ever becoming.

I grow into another and another. Or is it that I strip down to become less and less.
1 month ago. May 4, 2023 at 8:51 PM

After letting so many wrong ones in, it's so hard to let anyone in.

I didn't know anything about intruders.

Ripped open, I see them now. But I'm a little shell shocked.

However, those wounds turn to gold.

I let the right one in.

Now it's just time to believe it and feel it entirely.

1 month ago. April 21, 2023 at 10:24 PM

I burst with admiration for these two women

Who keep their heart open

And are unapologetically so themself

Two stories that are my inspiration 

 

1 month ago. April 12, 2023 at 10:45 PM

It's so nice when I am not centre stage

But I am in my mind

Without the need to put myself in front,

On display for others,

Content in the background 

Quietly feeding my soul

With you

At the alter

1 month ago. April 7, 2023 at 7:30 PM

Why do I still care?

When I so desperately want to let go of other's opinions, judgements, jokes

Why can't I let it go?

How do I let it go when it always feels like I'm right back in the same place, doing the same thing -

Caring

Worrying 

Crying

I'm always so angry with myself for trying and failing, for letting myself hurt, for trying to take advice or fix me

The last thing I need is advice

Always trying, trying, trying

I need me to stop being so mean to myself

But I don't know how

I don't know how to love myself the way I need to be loved 

And I don't know how to filter what I care and don't want to care about.

I don't know much and I feel so much

I feel crazy

Please don't tell me to "let it go". It's all so very easy to say but very frustrating when I feel stuck, which is often.

 

2 months ago. April 3, 2023 at 9:46 PM

A year ago

an anniversary that keeps repeating 

Remember this Jack?!

 

What love is to me...

Words that mean other words

Love is no words 

And all feeling

 

Love is the sunshine on my back,

The rain on my skin,

The breeze kissing my forehead.

 

Love is a hand held,

A whispered smile,

Tears falling on my legs and

It is a soundless scream.

 

Love is the scratches on my skin,

The itch of grass or

The bruise from a fall.

 

It is the roadmap written on my body,

The scars of my suffering and

It is the crying birthed from so much beauty.

 

Love is my heart bursting and

Choking me with a thousand silent tears.

3 months ago. March 5, 2023 at 10:20 PM

How do I surrender with each new day?

Gradually

With the things I love

Rituals that ease me into the day

With a smile

Some effort

And a little reframing

Appreciating what I see, what is present

 

What makes me smile?

A smile from the heart

A hug just because: I love you, I need you, I want you

A thank you for being you 

Showing up

Playing

Completing tasks and challenges

New and exciting experiences 

Being naughty/cheeky

Seeing myself so beautifully broken

Blooming

Seeing others bloom

When I feel truth

When I surrender

When I'm clear

 

 

 

 

 

3 months ago. March 3, 2023 at 12:48 AM

My stumbling experience, a collection

Of dark night, bright lights, broken dreams and sweet desire

Layed out bare to scavenge, ponder, release and grieve

 

Trying ever so hard to be light, 

Until I sink and drown in my own weighted mind

To fall restlessly into darkness,

Only to find what I'm so fearful of, my greatest power and beauty -

 

To my Dark Heart, ever deeper surrender.

 

 

 

KO

3 months ago. March 1, 2023 at 10:19 PM

Is this KO yet? I thought I had died but there's always more dying to do, right!?

Oh God!

The headache eases

The grip on my chest not so tight

Breathe easy now.

A little frivolity (Fuck it!) is the lightness I need now.

3 months ago. February 21, 2023 at 9:13 PM

It's a deep contentment

Where I'm exhausted and can feel it entirely in body and mind

Spent with utter satisfaction

Knowing I put my all in

For a peace of heavenly silence

Reeping what I sow - so sweet

3 months ago. February 20, 2023 at 7:43 PM

The mountains

We climb

Every morning

 

Every morning 

Mountains to climb

 

Climb the mountain,

Dance with silence