Odd By Birth

This excitement has found its way to me once again.

Who knew a person could be so excited by chat bubbles. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a thing for chat bubbles, but the person behind them I just might. 

Being in this community is tough, sometimes it really makes me wonder if this is something I want or something I need. For in the life I lead there is no room for things unneeded. But this Sir is different. I feel safe, seen and heard. Steps are slow but so comfortable to take. To be able to just let myself float with a fuzzy head and Complete my orders and tasks. It’s become clear to me that this life is a definite need and I’m so happy it is. I just hope these snow covered winter days continue to feel this bright and warm. 

Every holiday season I become restless. Craving a warm body to pin itself with mine, a large hand woven into the hair on the back of my head. I wish for the send of my face shoved into feather soft blankets. 

Send me your musings to keep me warm. Something good to read and fantasize. Craving a soft dom. 

My submissive and myself has always felt like two different people. But as of late it’s been harder and harder to keep them apart. Once I ran from it, showed the world the opposite of who I was inside because I hated it. I hated that I enjoyed parts of something that was forced upon me by another. My pride kicked into dirt. Ego shattered. Something taken and not earned. Something I kept hidden but was forced into the light and worst off, by someone unworthy. Taking years to claim my sexuality back and running from it simultaneously. Constant fear. 

But the woman now, the submissive too, they have become one. No one can take from me anything that is not given. For my submission is the best gift any Dom could ever receive. I know how they look at me, the sub that used to run in fear from the hungry eyes now bathes in that unbridled heat. Letting it scorch my skin and flush me with color. So one day when I get to put my arm hooked into my Doms and look into their eyes and see the love, lust and safety reflected in their eyes I can soar knowing that I have given them my whole self for their desire and mine, and no one can take it. 

Until then I enjoy the heat. 

A title I used to hate but have grown to love.

A title I used to fight to unlock instead of finding comfort in its pressure upon me.

Oddity. 

The years of, why am I?

How can I?

What can I do to not be? 

Years of loathing and pressure from those around me and even more so on myself. 

Oddity, me, she is the odd and obscene. Not by choice, by birth. 

Growing into my skin, feeling the pull of it tightening around my throat until I couldn’t breathe. I thought it would be the death of me. But then……then I changed. The pressure faded and all that was left was bliss. You can’t fear what you have become yourself. Accepting  the tragedy and forming yourself stronger around it. I am odd. Knowing all that’s inside this head and seeing all that these eyes have seen there was no other way for me to be. Odd. But with a smile instead of a grimace.