Contemplation.

So, I am not a very experienced Dom on the physical sense of BDSM as yet 😁. I am quite experienced on the emotional and energetic side, holding a space for someone and reading them. 

In the past month or so I have been chatting to loads of different submissive's and have noticed that the new or young submissive's I have spoken to seem to forget that they are allowed to ask questions. 

I find the conversation runs out because they don't contribute to the conversation, I have been told on a few occasions that they thought they were not allowed to ask questions without permission. 

I have to keep saying to them, I just met you, I am not your Dom, I am just a Dom you are talking to, you are not my submissive. you are allowed to be yourself and ask as many questions as you can. get to know me, if you do decide to submit then you know more about me, the more you know the better you will fit and the better you can surrender to your submissiveness, the safer you will feel the deeper you can go. 

I was browsing through different profiles and saw a picture of a woman wearing knickers with a print of a kitten on it. her pussy knickers. it reminded me of something that happened when i was young. 

My mother could have been a nun, as prudish as you can get, she revealed the last time she had sex i was conceived.

When i was about 13 years old, my prudish mother piped up a comment that blew all out minds. We were at a family gathering eating dinner, 20 of us sitting around a table at my cousins house; every one is eating, its quite quiet and

she says:

"I got a tattoo the other day"

the entire table stops and stares at her, mouths agape.

some one asks:

"what tattoo, where did you get it".

she says:

"it a tattoo of a little mouse, its in my bikini line"

she stands up pulls down her waist band and nickers to reveal her bikini line?

there was nothing;

my mother says:

"oh the its gone, my pussy must have eaten it"

As i have been exploring my own domination i keep being brought back to deep set feeling from my childhood. 

Trauma's, beliefs and patterns created by a society and father who objectified woman and the introduction to porn way to early. as well as a mother totally withdrawn from any sexual energy at all due to her childhood trauma.

It helps me understand what it is I want as a dominant. It helps me observe myself so I can re-educated those stuck or lost parts of me that I am only finding again now. I have been wronging myself for years for objectifying woman, when it was a learned behaviour not a choice. When i want sooo much more from woman than just a body to use, it is not who i am. 

But today i found those patterns, I have observed them gently, I have held a space for them to change, I have owned them with love and re-educated them to who i am now, not what my close minded society and parents showed me. 

I feel free from it, although it has just happened and I need time for it to process, I look forward to the harmony this will bring me and future subs. 

New doors have opened. 

I look forward to more lessons

its about bad sex. 

her name is anna Krantz. have a load of her music its deep and real for me. 

i was discussing BDSM and me seeking out to understand my dominance needs with a friend. She asked what is the most important part of domination for me.  She is aware that its been many years since i have had the opportunity to spend time with a willing, wanting submissive. So maybe my answer is naive and flawed. 

i answered her, the most important thing is to "know". she asked me what i meant by that. 

i said, as a dominant you need to know what kind of courage a submissive must have to surrender to her submissive nature. 

you need to know your own limitations so you don't go beyond your own needs and desires.

you need to know your submissive limitations, needs, wants and desires. 

you need to know when your submissive changes in herself at any time, she may not be able to use the safe word. 

you need to know where she is at, emotionally, physically and mentally.

you need to know the law. (in the uk if you accidentally hurt or kill someone in a sex game you are liable for it.)

you need to know how to look after your submissive before after and during a scene.  

you need to know how to cope with your own feelings and fears. 

you need to know how to cope with your submissive's feeling and fears

you need to know that the submissive is the one with the true power she can give it or take it away. 

you need to know the amount of responsibility that you have by taking on and living your domination. 

you need to know that if you fuck up you can be hurting someone who has given themselves freely to you. 

you need to know, yes you need to know. 

W

I've been looking and reading and commenting on the cage for about a week now. 

i watch myself not approach subs because i am not feeling within myself secure enough to allow my dominance.  

in my work i find if i suggest to a client a solution 95% of the time they follow it. i know i am doing it for their best and thus my best. thats what i am there for to help them be the best them. 

i want to do this with a sub who has an emotional connection with me that connects both ways, i know i can do it. i know i can be in control and help her become the best she wants to be in her way, not in mine. 

but something stands in the way and as i write this i see it is my fear of being connected to that initiates the fear. it feels like overwhelming responsibility that i am the everything for a sub and if i allow myself to be wanted and obeyed i get overwhelmed when in reality it can be as simple as commanding her to sit and be still. 

being either dominant or submissive is the surrender to allowing ourselves to be loved and wanted and needed. 

i think maybe my biggest fear.