The old ways

Title but confusing hopefully a can explain in this blog . I have read so many Bios not only the cage but fet and other sites , and I know we all preach about trust and honesty in dynamics . This the grey area all the newbies out in their Bios that they hate new to the scene and don't know anything yes honesty but I also see it as a green light , for wanna be Doms to get their hands on possible a very good submissive . 

One that can learn and be trained not abused and used in the first 20 mins , they can say that they are new to the cage or get and if contacted by a Dom then let them know that they are new to the scene . A real Dom would understand that and accept why it was not in the Bio, this may help keep our community alive and not lose someone who has made a big step into our scene . 

I covered this early on but have been seeing this coming more out there and it's more the women submissives. I have found it in FetLife but the cage is the worse culprit as you start taking with a submissive just chatting , all is going well you both say good night and talk in morning. As you log on and find you are blocked no explanation as to why they did it , to me it is common courtesy to say why they are blocking you .

It is like ghosting it is not a good feeling to have it happen to you , makes you think what you did wrong I know people will say it's the sign of the times . But what we all look for is honesty and trust , so when you are blocked it is being honest with the Dom and letting the submissive as well . Before you anyone that is going to block someone think about how you would feel , if someone blocks you and think it is not a good feeling .

My other pet peeve is ghosting especially since that book came out all these new do called Doms thinks it okay to ghost , especially when they start for the first time and think they can order a sub to do what ever he wants . Then gets upset and tells her you not a true sub in which he ghost s her as punishment , for one thing subs in that respect really don't care because the Dom has made the fundamental mistakes at the start . But then you get some Doms who think it is punishment to ghost a sub in one respect it is but Doms have to realise that 97% if subs crave contact , communication with out that they start to panic and over think things like what did I do wrong or why was he not happy , it affects them mentally .

If you going to use not being in contact with someone as punishment you tell them that they can not reach out to you for a time period , and why they are told to do this it does help but also still makes them scared. So before you ghost someone think about the issues that arise from that and be thoughtful towards your submissive..

This just a short blog I have been talking with other Doms and subs , and I have come to the conclusion that both do not liked to be blocked with out a reason . It might seem natural to just block someone with out saying anything , especially if you both have been chatting or texting and nothing has been said you not interested. 

I know submissives don't like it and start to stress out why they have been blocked , it also goes for Dominants as well as we have feelings to even though we are are supposed to be strong . It is just polite to say sorry you not my kind of submissive or Dominant, not interested then block the person just common manners . 

This is a two part blog which will break what some people think they can do and not to do , and how people see us from the out side . This is important that new Dominants and submissives know what they can do ,and Thier rights as a dynamic .

People on the outside looking in any Dynamic, relationship, lifestyle or situation only see what's on the surface , in this case a strong dominant standing over a kneeling naked submissive, he's in charge , he's powerful , she's weak, as is with most things , that is vein doesn't consider emotions , feelings, conversation, negotiation and inner voice that guides all of us .

Dominance and submission is a constant push and pull between two willing partners , one leads the other follows , one commands the other consents. the needs of each each  is different to take control to be controlled , are equal even though each partner is on different  ends if the spectrum. 

The misconceptions surround D/s are many 

• Dominants take what ever they want 

• submissives should never ask for what they want they're not real subs if they do 

• find shouldn't ask a sub opinions or desires makes them look weak .

• laughter, teasing, and silliness have no place in D/s let's serious business .

All lies Doms and subs are first and foremost people in a relationship and find it fulfilling in order, for it to be successful and last any length of time .

• Doms don't "take " anything without mutual agreement, consent and prior negotiation, they need a subs permission first. • Subs do as they are told and asked after ground rules have been set and consent gained.

• Both Doms and subs should also have freedom to express Thier wants , needs and desires when ever they want 

• Laughing, teasing and silliness need to have a place in every relationship 

D/s is give and take power dynamic each side feeds if the other.

Subs : power, control, and trust 

Without cooperation and willingness  to submit, there is no D/she may be  a Dom but  not dominating anyone unless he has a willing submissive. But the act of dominance from BDSM standpoint can't happen (legally) with out consentung and willing submissive. The freedom as a sub , is knowing you can trust your partner enough in order to let go  completely and follow the rules , guidance, commands and directions they are  given . A Dom needs to know they can trust Thier subs to follow all rules , protocols and do as thier told.

Emotions for a submissive little is very high the do need to have that connection where they know the Dominant is there always for them . If they are in sub drop or upset from day to day living , they know that he is around to help her . Set boundaries so that you both know you both will text or chat through the day , even if just to say hi this helps her to feel she is wanted if she does not hear from her Dominant for a day then the emotions serving and she thinks she has upset you and over thinks everything .

It is the same for a submissive especially in sub drop they do need know you will be there to help just to chat and give them praise and encouragement to get them out of sub drop . It's not a good place to be in and mentally can be damaging to the submissive , and it can last two or three days so you would to call her everyday to see how she is going . 

For me I make sure we have talk about the boundaries and what we do if the emotions take over her , make sure you keep in touch with your little submissive everyday and always praise her even for the little things she does . It helps to make them know that you really care for her and that you reliable and do as you say , don't ghost her for a day or two and I would never use as punishment unless she has seen really bad . Even then tell that she can not talk to you for the day no longer and why you doing it , but then everyone is different but the emotions are real and are there so they need to be addressed not ignored .

This is only my opinion and varies from Dom to Dom but after talking to a lot off Doms , I have come to the conclusion that what i do a lot do as well . Remember D/s dynamic first and foremost is a relationship and how you enter into a relationship is how you should enter into a dynamic . You she treat her with respect , kindness and be transparent just like a vanilla relationship.

Learn there likes dislikes , favourite food , or colour , what the do on weekends, these things will turn a submissive to start to respect you . And that is important but don't stop there you have to keep her knowing you care for her and not a play toy you own , it's fine during play if not 24/7 but if you live with her then you have to talk about what will change but keep dynamic happening . 

The biggest turn offs a Dom can do and believe the first two hours are very important to wether she is interested to keep talking to you or not . The biggest turn offs is to  say send me naked pictures , I own you and you will do as I say . They want to know the man who will be Thier Dom not a nerd trying to enforce his power straight away . A lot off Doms think that submissives are not allowed to ask questions that makes not a submissive not try . 

So guys think about what you want done that respects so much that you are in her head well before the dynamic or some that does not respect you but sorry subs saying this , mindless robots just going through what the is telling her .

Most things a Dom will let Thier submissive know but there are something's a Dom will not talk about, it is because they can not that they are weak . Which when you think about does not make sense as we try to teach our sub that admitting to something makes you strong and a good person .

I suppose the biggest one is submissives need aftercare well most it is the same for a Dom after planning a play session get it ready and actually playing like a sub we Doms gi into our own space , so after play we to need after care but in different way such as the submissive serves her Sir with drinks I like my neck and shoulders rubbed. Having my day she is proud off her Sir for a great play session . 

There are even little things more for the newer doms especially when he has a newbie submissive he tends to over think things such as an I hurting her what do I do next and the bid one is she happy with the play puts stress on newer doms , so submissives understand your Dom and realise he is human to .

Some people think if you are a Dominant it is easier than a submissive, who has all the rules to follow. And pleasing her Sir unfortunately for the Dom there is more work involved . First if the Dom is training a sub then has tripled he has to know when to train his sub such us obedience training , has to have a plan for his sub to follow . 

And inforce punishment when she does it wrong but reward her when she does a good job , he must be firm at all times when training in progress, as she reflects the Dom in public so she has to be as perfect as possible . When playing a lot of time the Dom will sit down the day before and plan the play session there 4 steps that I follow step 1 the beginning how to start you may went to start with sensual play with floggers "and yes they can be used for sensual play", or you can do hit and cold play .

Step 2 The middle session which could be again anything bondage tied to a cross or a stock or whipping bench , this can result in medium or heavy impact play . 

Step 3 The finishing could be anything you can think of mine or light whipping to spanking and rubbing the areas that you have bruised . If she is in sub space you have to bring her down slowly  that is stage 4 the mist important part of okay for the Dom.

If stage 4 is not done right the submissive will go into sub drop not a nice place for both . She gets depressed and some cry some get confused and the odd one will yell at you, don't take it that she is mad at you just the hormones. Ideal you take her to a couch and wrap a blanket around her have couple of bottles if water ,and sweet .

Why those three simple blanket to warm her as she comes back to reality she will shake and gets cold , the water she will be dehydrated, and sweets bring her sugar levels up . While all that is happening you must softly talk to her reassuring that she was great and how proud you are of her . 

While in the play the dom must always whisper in her ear if she is okay and that she is doing great . All this needs to be planned so yes it is hard work to make it look good . On top of that if you want to have music what to use for each stage and lighting sets the theme . 

First thing a Quote.

"A good Dominant does not need to blow his own trumpet-he "is" . He doesn't have to demand respect, he gets that anyway, he doesn't have to announce his reputation to the world who he is , because his reputation and respect of his peers proceeds him "

A good Dominant will not read a few pages on the internet, or look through a book then declare himself an experienced Sir with many years of experience. Good Dominants take Thier time to attend workshops, events to gain more knowledge.

A domineering person thinks that it is all about "being in charge" no matter what, often overbearing, loud, tyrannical they do control but in a oppressive way . A good Dominant exercises complete control in a more subtle way , with influences and thoughts .. he can be can be Authoritian and powerful but have the utmost respect for others and a high level of care and consideration , he takes responsibility for his submissive or submissives , he is Empathic and Sympathetic to Thier needs.

Submissives must be secure in Thier submission to Thier Dominant, on the other hand a Dominant is not to proud to ask for help or advice if needed . A good Dominant is sought for advice both from his peers and submissives, He is popular within the scene and makes time for everyone. He will never belittle others no matter what and treats all with respect .

A good Dominant is the one who is looked up to buy his peers and sought out by his peers and submissives, for friendship and advice .I could go on but that to me is the essence of a good Dominant, good Dominants also have longer dynamics with Thier submissive as she or he loves the way he Dominants.