The Rabbit Hole

I'm sorry your profile made me laugh out loud. I'm sorry you were the most handsome the app had around.

I'm sorry I made you laugh and cry during our first chat. I'm sorry I made you feel young again, remember saying that?

I'm sorry you made me feel alive when 8yrs since my husband's death all I wanted to do was die.

I'm sorry I fell inlove with you even after you told me the "1" couldn't be you.

I'm sorry I looked into your blue eyes and saw where your demons hide I'm sorry I should have ignored your lies. 

Most of all I'm sorry for all the things I didn't know but here I am before you begging please let me go.

Love you my friend thank you for helping me to grow.

It was just a dream just a dream. 

Who was I to think even for a second he'd still be thinking of me.

I was delusional you see.

Just another young girls fantasy.

Letting go letting go as I whisper "your free."

First of all I'm starting this blog because I don't want to which is a huge reason why I really need to. I've never liked letting people find out who I really am in fear that getting to know me is finding out I'm not good enough and also the first step before rejecting or leaving me. So I'm here to talk about the good the bad and the ugly that I feel requires me to put walls up and has inturn only caused me pain and loss and the reason I'm still single. 

Second when life gets hard I isolate in my room and won't share with anyone the pain I'm feeling I hold it in and swear I dont need anyone's help and I tend to cope In a destructive way which takes me ten steps back which is of no help to the healing and growth I'm trying to achieve at this time in my life. 

So here I am with my story, thoughts, secrets and heart ache so please be gentle as i for the 1st time in my life am going to practice transparency and try to be as honest about who I am as I possibly can. 

There's many more reasons but I'll stop there as those reasons alone are good enough for me to start writing this blog.