The Phoenix will rise.

Gone through the day and everything is great? Like so perfect that you have to pinch yourself and you are just waiting for the shoe to drop? 

That's what this last weekend brought me. After many hours of discussion and bargaining hubby finally relented and allowed me some freedom to explore and show him that we aren't going to suffer because of my requests.

Can I say that life is absolutely beautiful right now in my little bubble minus the lingering effects of covid and not being able to go back to work yet...

I finally get to enjoy the land of happiness and am doing my best to show him you can love being with people and your spouse/family as long as you have strong communication, respect for each other, find common ground on rules, and reassure each other that you're not leaving them for someone else... this is going to be an amazing journey and I am so blessed to have both Master and hubby by my sides...

The Phoenix is finally alive... everything is brighter.. it's time to live life to the fullest...

Why can't things change for the better and stay that way?

Why do we get trapped in a rut over and over and over again?

Thank you for being here for me no matter the circumstances Master.... you are the light in a dark tunnel...

Even though it was terrifying for her because unknowns have a way of flipping her panic button. Phoenix was lucky enough to gain a new friend out of the last week.

Never has phoenix been more grateful for a patient master who not only listened to all her fears but also addressed each and every one.

And also grateful for the wonderful new chaotic friendship of flitter...a beautiful woman who has a life which parallels much of her own ...

The Phoenix spreads her beautiful wings and shakes the remainder of the ash from their tips before settling back in masters embrace....

She had always prided herself with the openness and willingness to help others but now she finds herself at a crossroads...

What she has is amazing...but can she truly keep him to herself while still claiming to want to help others reach the place that she has?

Does she risk everything by opening the door?

Does she shut down and lock herself away once again protected from the cold harsh reality that is life and the fact he was never hers to keep?

Her heart and head at war with each other....only time will tell if her choice was the right one ...

She bows her head and waits...kneeling patiently...hoping to feel the touch of his words...praying he'll say "good little one" not "good bye little one"...

Leaps of faith are terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time...

The Phoenix trembles...

On one hand master is enticing her to finish her paper early but on the other hand life is calling...who will win??

An MBA program is no joke she's learning...thank God for master and his guidance...without it Phoenix would procrastinate terribly ...

The Phoenix ponders her schedule...there has to be more time she can carve from somewhere to dedicate more time to her research And writings...

She's safe in her bed of ashes...refusing to come back out into the cold dark world...the light left with her goodbye, she pushed him away...scared he would hear her words and leave without looking back...

But suddenly a solitary light beam plays across her warm cocoon....a hand carefully scoops her up and cradles her against a solid chest...she feels a heart beating steady against her face...

Terrified of what will be revealed she slowly lowers her wing revealing the welcome sight of masters face. She is stunned... speechless...he didn't leave her after all. He gently caresses her back with his fingertips...

You are mine to protect and guide until I say we're done little one. And don't you forget it...ever again...

With his words tears flow, washing the ash away and revealing her gorgeous plumage once again...but this time instead of soaring high above destined to fall she simply snuggles deeper in his embrace...home once again.

Thank you for seeing through my fearful blister and standing firm... alex'sescape...I bow at your feet...heart full once again.

It's amazing how the light of a new day shines a new prospective on a problem.

The Phoenix struggles to rise from her ash bed, her wings weak...feathers soft and downy...she's completely vulnerable...

She doesn't want her master to walk away, she wishes to bow at his feet groveling for forgiveness...how can she make her husband understand she is a better person who is happier and wants to make more time for him and their child when Master guides her?

Phoenix does not want to escape into the fog of drugs and alcohol to numb her pain, she wants to face it head on knowing she has the strength of both men at her side to catch her when it becomes too much.

So with that being said... alex'sescape...my wonderful Master...will you please please please consider this my most humblest apology for reacting the way I did...not giving you the opportunity to help guide me through this minefield? I reacted out of fear 🥺😱🙇

At this time snug in her bed of coals and ashes the Phoenix doesn't want to face the day...why is saying goodbye so difficult? 

The saying all good things must come to an end has never had truer meaning or deeper feeling as it does now...

Thank you again for everything alex'sescape...may we meet again in another life...or even another place.

So just when she thinks everything is beautiful with life and all the players in her daily drama are happy and things are going smoothly the ugly truth slaps her across the face. Brings her back to reality and makes her face the fact that there is one unhappy person in the house she has built...her husband. The one who has the final say in what her actions mean and how her actions affect her family has spoken and brought her house crashing around her ears.

The Phoenix once again finds herself at a loss as she says goodbye to Master, the one man who unlocked her potential...the one who taught her it was ok to be herself, to not hide behind a mask of acceptable behavior.

Once again she will lock herself away and pretend everything is ok...she is ok...when she's secretly suffocating...drowning in the loneliness and denial of her true nature.

The Phoenix bursts into flames as she flies directly into the sun....the ashes float along the breeze...landing where they may...

Thank you for all the guidance and the wonderful teachings alex'sescape...you have left a mark on my life...goodbye Master....

She sits stunned in the passenger seat as she hangs up the phone her mouth hanging open in disbelief.

After a few unsuccessful tries she finally finds her voice and without looking away from her phone screen tells him..."that was the Master program I applied to... they accepted me." She slowly raises her eyes to his, "I actually got in".

Feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, disbelief, and the best ones of them all hope and wonder swirl through her in a flurry of emotions.

A journey that began 15 years ago is one chapter closer to being completed. Alex'sescape.. dearest Master...thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me see me...😘