You wont know me

All that consumes my mind today is getting home to my bed.

Today, i know exactly what i want.

I want to present myself to you, middle of the bed, face down, big, round, ass up. Hands cuffed behind my back, blindfold on.

I want Sir to admire me for a long time before he touches me. Run his fingers gently down my back, across my exposed pussy, down my thighs, and all the way back up and through my platinum blonde hair.

In my mind, i picture Sir pushing his tongue on me, eating me from the back, telling me how perfect i taste. 

I long to feel Sir's cock, so much so i know he would give it to me encrutiatingly slowly. 

I long to feel his heavy body weight on me, his big hands focefully pushing the cuffs into the bottom of my lower back, my head pushed hard into the matress.

I want to be bred. Slowly, and then quickly, until i can start to feel warm cum fill my insides, as he tells me to take it like a good girl.

Fertile, and full.

Then when he's done, i want to be held, closely, and told i am loved, while my hair is gently stroked and my body is kept warm in his arms.

My Sir took me on a date night to watch the movie, Dont Worry Darling.

Its a story of a women who slowly goes crazy, however the real focus for me was the aesthetic.

Set in the 1960s, she serves her husband. Meets him at the door every day with a whisky, cooked dinner ready on the table, she swans around with loose curls and colourful sundresses. Most days her husband pins her to a wall or a table as soon as he walks through the door and sips his drink. And it made me want this life. SO much. 

I knew he could tell. Serving the person i love is so important to me, being such a good girl. This movie captured beauty in femininity and lights a fire in those who want to be pinned to a dining table, and eaten out in a sundress before sharing a roast.

Im so excited to go add layers to my hair and go sundress shopping this weekend and fantasise about quitting my job, serving my husband and hopefully getting pinned to a piece of furniture. 

I know he'll come through. Im not worried, darling.

The last few months of my life ive had an incredible amount of change.

I have changed my address, my job, my relationship status and even my hair colour.

And the change feels refreshing.

I have always been self aware of my kinks, some new ones pop up in my fantasies from time to time but embracing a new dom means so many new experiences for me.

I have discovered an undeniable love of pet play. The adorable ears, soft leather collars with bells, tail butt plugs....its so cute and feminine and suits my cat like personality where i can be indifferent. 

I even enjoy the cage. But dont tell him that.

I find myself baking cakes in cat ears, and wearing my tail out of the house regularly. 

This is one of so many new kinks im embracing, its so unusual to find someone with totally different tastes to me, but he embraces my needs, and im getting more and more into his everyday.

Has anyone else experienced moving from a wonderful ex dom, to a new one? How did you find adjusting?

Fear

Fear can be exciting.

But the fear of not knowing what you'll get on the other side of the door can feel more like terror. Will it be a monster or a man?

I am overwhelmed by things i want to say but my Sir was not a good listener.

Consequences 

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. But what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object? Beautiful Carnage.

I lost my Sir becauae he lost himself. 

I look to a man for dominance, stability and emotional support. An Alpha who possesses total control over his own behaviour. Someone who is patient enough to build my trust, and self assured enough to be comfortable with a strong woman, who occasionally, for these rare men, chooses to submit.

There is a huge difference between a consensual power dynamic and paranoid possessiveness displayed as control. 

Choose the Dom who hurts you, with love, just the way you like it. 

So, over the past few months i have become obsessed with lingerie. The prettier the better, the lacier, the better, the strappier, the better.

Then heels. I never used to buy heels with the sole intention of wearing them to play. Shoes were functional to me and i didnt put any thought into them. Now i meticulously choose each pair to compliment what im wearing underneath the outfit.

My hair. For a scene i choose a very high pony tail that falls down my back.

My painted face. For play i like dark eyes. A heavy smokey eye and a dark red lip in a lipstick that can smear across my face, or across Sir's body.

I want to be perfect for Sir. I want Sir to see me and feel blessed that i am his.

It is new and unusual for me to put any value in the opinion of another person. But, i think i like it. 

After a break from this site i am back again. I always feel like i can cut it out, and conduct a normal, regular, small life and i do manage this for a period of time.

I feel as though i wear a mask. And i am exceptional at it. Sweet, small, quiet. Not over bearing. I can blend exceptionally well and i can fit into any group or situation. And no one would ever know.

No one will know that when i wake, shower and apply my make up for the day, i always picture Sir making my eyeliner run down my face.

When i choose my underwear before heading to the office it is with the desperation and fantasy that Sir might see it.

When i change at the gym i enjoy eyes on me. I train hard, as feelings of pain and exhaustion are comfortable and so enjoyable for me. 

There are so many moments throughout my day where the dark perverted side of my brain lights up like a christmas tree. But outwardly you would never know. And you would never guess. 

My tastes are unique, and often misunderstood and i suppose that is why i ALWAYS end up coming back.