Need Feeding Like A Vampire Needs Blood

It lke the summer has p[assed by so quickly. Yet I am no closer to finding my dream Sub, not even a playmate. This is not the life I chose formyself at the age of 58. I do not feel life is passing me by yet the need to be wanted by a Sub/slave grows ever stronger and adds to the "something is missing in my life" Thats a real feeling only those that have a deep desire can understand. There is a need in me to feel fullfilled. I will keep going as my glass is always half full. I need to put myself out there in order to be seen and heard. To be desired by someone with the same needs. I have friends but they are the type that dso not live in my world. Its weird how lonely it can be on top of what I have endured. Still I live in hope. Writing it down gives me hope. The grass will be greener. I just hope it is sooner. I need to be flodded with endorphins. Where are you my equal other half? |I am looking for you. I hope you can find me.

Writing can be theraputic or a curse... I think "Theraputic" for now.

Sunday 15 August 2021

3 things have defined my last 12 months...

1. August 2020 I had a breakdown aka PTSD from childhood tauma, I am not going to go ito it here but it came back due to the affects of the Covid Lockdown. I had not been sleeping so my mind was alive putting pieces of my lifes igsaw puzzel together. it was when the final piece was put in place It was like an explosion in my head that I needed to let out, My mind was in termoil and I had a breakdown. I finally got things resolved with the help of my Job and Counselling. The last session ended on 6th December 2020 then....

2. 05 January 2021 My 38 year old Son.. my only child... died of the Corona Virus (Covid 19).. It had struck at the heart of my family. I know many do not believe in it so I do not or ever will expect you to understand. Someone sent this tro me and I feel so grateful for it.

3. July 2021 My 12 year relationship (8 year marriage) ended.

No fault of my wife or mine just a situation of life events which broke my strength and resolve.

I lost my beautiful home as I felt she needed it more than me and for the sake of sellling it I signed it over to her as she had the funds to clear the outstanding mortgage.

I now sit in a single room wondering how I got hear and feeling lonley. YES LONELY.

The need to be with someone that understand my needs as a Dom the need to feel whole when all I am now is a person a Dom without a Purpose.

They say the grass is always greener on the other side. I look at the USA and I wonder how great the female Submissives are how open and real they are to seek out a Master and fullfill their dreams.. yet here in trhe UK its like it is a fantasy.

So for now I will continue my search and try to pick up the pieces of my life that has taken a stuble along the way. I am not beaten I am not defeated.

Yet I am not whole until I find the Sub who will complete me the Ying to my Yang, The other hal of the missing 2 piece jigsaw to complete each other. I know she is out there and I hope she finds ME. As I have been searching without success.

I share this not for pity or sympathy but in the hope anyone realising this that you should NEVER give up what you feel and know is right for you no matter what life throws at you.

Theses trial I have faced has only made me feel stronger. The loniness will be a distant menory. Only the Sub who searches for me can end that. I beleive it WILL happen.

I will continue to up date this blog as it is good for me to bear my sole.

I am human after all.

my apologies for the way it is updated until I figure out how to make it look like a daily diary this is the only way it will be continiued

Master Ebony

My List

1 A woman that knows what she wants.

2. A woman that enjoys BDSM (Submissive)

3. She has to be Bi

4. Enjoys being photographed and videoed for personal pleasure. (anything else is a bonus)

5. Wants to be in Love.

6 Not materialistic but more realistic of lifes ups and downs.

7. Enjoys doing things at home at the weekends together.

8. A lover of toys objects for sexual pleasure

9 She must love food (no Vegetarians)

10. Happy to perform for her man.

These are the main things i seek in a woman.

Your views are appreciated on them :)

A friend told me way back in 1994 that he could no longer have normal sex.  Being the red blooded male I was at the time; I had no idea what me meant. Sex 26 years ago I was a youthful 32 year old. I got into BDSM  in photography in 1998 with the birth of the Internet here in the UK.

Since then I have hadc2 marriages in between trying to find my soul mare my other equal ie 100% Sub to me being 100% Dom.  This has proved more difficult than I imagined.  Normal sex became boring. I found getting a hard on more and more difficult to maintain... UNTIL I found myself standing there with my Suede flogger in hand and a nice juicy ass waiting to bring the flogger down across it.  

I made myself a list that I swore I was not going to compromise with. This was what I liked and nothing was going to change that.

Dating became impossible as all I could attract was wannabees and pure vanilla.

In 2009 I showed my list to a woman whom said said she would give my list a try. 12 years later I am now back where I started seeking my other equal half. I had compromised on every single one of my 10 list items for love.  

I realised 6 years ago I was not happy and I was not being fed. The need to be with someone that understood me and my needs was sorry missing drum my life. I had wasted 12 quality years of my life but no more. Am I to be single forever? Or will I find that elusive Sub thar yearns for the same satisfaction as myself that can only come from being in a pure 24/7 loving BDSM relationship.