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Down the rabbit hole

Here I am, finally able to express myself, not for anyone to read, to respond, not to provoke thought.

Just a place to call my own, where i can speak my truth
2 weeks ago. March 10, 2024 at 7:53 PM

im here

 

im waiting

 

humble and needy

 

true and deep

 

 

4 months ago. November 8, 2023 at 6:17 PM

I’ve been thinking about mindfulness 

 

it’s easy, for a submissive when she has a Dominant influence in her life, each thought and action is for him, so treated with reverence.

 

each stroke of the hairbrush through her hair

each foot she pampers with creams and paint

each bit time she sets aside to learn something, to grow, to journal

 

each of these things are approached with such mindfulness, nothing is rushed, nothing is forgotten, nothing is done absentmindedly, it is all done with Him in mind.

 

it’s easy to loose that mindful state when she doesn’t have a Dominant influence.

 

easy to not prioritise journalling 

easy to forget to read that book, the one sitting on the coffee table

easy to neglect to smooth cream into supple skin

 

just thinking, that’s all 

4 months ago. November 5, 2023 at 8:49 PM

Today I’ve been reminded that there is community here

 

i just need to be brave enough to reach out toward it

 

thank you 

pea

4 months ago. November 5, 2023 at 7:29 PM

I changed my profile and my ‘collar’ today

 

im proud of myself 

 

I’ve been quietly starting to make some self improvements

 

but sometimes, although scary as fook, it’s better to shout one’s intentions from the rooftops 

 

im already missing fluffy poppets daily wisdoms and beautiful drawings

 

she inspires me to be a better and a stronger submissive

 

I’ve gained weight, in recent months, I’ve prioritised work over myself

 

so I’m setting my intentions here, to focus on my own well-being, for myself and my future possible Dominant

 

to loose weight, to bring yoga back to a daily routine for myself, a space and a time to focus on myself, to call my own


Im not looking for comment, im just making a commitment for myself 

 

pea

 

4 months ago. October 30, 2023 at 7:30 PM

You made me ashamed of my own voice

 

im not sure, but i believe that if you knew, if you really knew how much it cost me, to speak here, in public, for all the world to see and feel and judge 

 

that if you knew how much it cost me

 

that if you knew how long your voice would silence me

 

that you would have chosen your words with more care

 

it takes bravery 

it takes courage 

To speak here 

imagine then, the bravery and courage it takes for someone who isn’t sure of their own voice,

 

it took me months 

but I spoke again 

9 months ago. June 7, 2023 at 12:12 PM

I didn’t think i needed much

 

need

 

theres a difference between want and need

 

i needed honesty 

that’s all i ever needed

 

i didn’t think that was too much 

 

 

11 months ago. April 19, 2023 at 8:07 PM

Make me a match……

 

there is something to be said, I feel, for that.

 

something we are missing as a community 

 

a matchmaker 

 

to help us find our missing part

 

……….

11 months ago. April 10, 2023 at 5:52 PM

I’m feeling too broken

 

too broken to break

 

too wounded to open myself up

 

too broken and wounded to open myself to a Dynamic 

 

too broken and wounded to be broken open again

 

to broken and wounded, what if I’m broken open again and found wanting?

 

what if I’m broken open again, and my heart, my full beating heart, is broken?

11 months ago. April 6, 2023 at 8:18 PM

I miss

 

miss

 

i miss being his

i miss knowing I belong to him 

 

i miss being safe and secure, knowing

 

knowing I am safe in his charge

knowing I can curl into him

 

i can be the small spoon to his large

 

he can be the large spoon to my small

 

being safe

in him

 

as he is cherished 
in me

 

 

1 year ago. March 8, 2023 at 6:22 PM

Sometimes, I’m just all thought out

 

i miss having a Master

 

i miss that wonderful calmness that comes over me, when I know I don’t have to think 

 

Well, perhaps I mean overthink,

yes, I do

 

when I don’t have all these streams of thought, should I, would I, maybe, could I, 

 

Because my thoughts are centred completely on Him

 

And He will make the decisions 

and I will be content