The wall took long to build.
Each stone firmly set in place- next to, on top of, the one before. The mortar between each was a thick miasma of fear, loathing, and cowering.
Every rock was my defense, a shield between my almighty self and all that could be.
And oh! How it towered!
i could only see the side that walled me in, keeping me “safe”- its grayness never fading, solid in its stubbornness to simply be. My hands would touch all of the limits contained in the hard surface, and be reassured that this was “good”. This was all i needed. The cold rocks were my companion in the land of what i thought i could handle.
Until one day, a tiny bit of warmth seeped through.
My fingertips were strangely sensing another world on the other side. It was one of fire, sensation, and promise. My long-held weakness could not do the Herculean task of dismantling what stood between me and such scarlet heat.
But His flogger took down a brick here.
And His paddle removed a boulder there.
Until all that remained was my strong- frail self , held close and warm, amidst the ruins of what once was.
Rule 35: my limits do not have to be forever – i trust my Master to take me past them when He expects that i am ready – for each side of the wall of my limitations is both pleasurable and a challenge – one side more intense than the other. My only hope in such transferences is that Master will be able to take me there again and again as my relationship to Him progresses through time; that He too will need it as much as i will, and that He will not be afraid to increase the intensity while we are there.
