After an upsetting morning. My little Queen was venting. I maybe the more physically intimidating one, but the little feral feisty ones are *fierce*.
but
Well
maybe I can make this blog into something more cohesive later, but right now- I’m reminding her-
Gotta respect the HBIC.
Several people were curious about Umber’s list. She asked that I post it. She thought it would be helpful for me to show what I/we selected. At her request, I am willing to discuss why these items specifically. The items on the list are not judgements nor should they indicate such. This is private and her willingness to share is brave in my opinion.
This is the list that we agreed would begin the process of creating our structure. This whole process was us discussing her needs and my requirements. This list will be our structure until items are habit. This is not set in stone. I did not include the punishment/penalty or rewards in this blog. I am well aware of when she is not going to be able to create certain tasks and any Dom
if anyone is interested in how this is set-up in Obedience, let me know and I can get you that information
please note: our dynamic is not TPE and we do not identify as M/s. More intimate training details have been omitted and though I am willing to discuss overall ideas/suggestions. Umber’s specific tasks are not being shared to maintain the trust and intimacy of our dynamic.
if you have a question about why things were selected or my process, make a comment. I will not answer any questions that will make my sub uncomfortable.
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Self Care:
Shower -minimum 4x a week-
Hydration - 64oz (if it doesn’t have calories we will count it) HOWEVER 16 oz must be straight water.
intake - at LEAST 1500 calories
Physical improvement
step counts not less 7000 in any day
Workouts 4/wk
Recovery
5min each/ per day
rib stretching
abdominal breathing
pushing out
Emotional support
Pick three things to tell me about during our wind down call- you may want to log a reminder of each and how it made you feel. I will be asking specifically about how you felt. Be ready to discuss this.
Dream/goal setting
No less than 30 minutes writing per day- journal, blog or book progress. Anything that is putting -thoughts- on a page.
Your to do list is due to me no later than 9am cst.
Spicy task- varies weekly
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Let us know if there is something you’d like to discuss with us. We consider ourselves part of this community and am happy to help.
This song wandered into my random- wasn’t expecting to react as I did. Still a good song
I was given this advice concerning a relationship. I wonder about this a great deal. Is it even possible to go back to the beginning?
when you have been in a relationship or dynamic, you have had the opportunity to get to know someone on a different level. This is should be a deeper connection and there is knowledge I have that I can’t unknow.
Going back to the beginning doesn’t include the heady feelings that come with the firsts. You don’t get to make the discoveries and find the surprises.
In my struggle with a recent illness, I lashed out at a person I hold dear.. I own that error and have apologised. While there are reasons it was beyond my control, it damaged the relationship just the same. I’m attempting to rebuild trust and am struggling with “back to the beginning”. It’s harder to be just her friend again. I am told to think of things in terms of things before we were lovers. It’s hard to avoid re-assuming the role of her Daddy and her Dom.
Friends after so much more, is hard. I know she is worth it and although I’m not sure where to go from here. I know that back to the beginning is not something I can do with ease.
I was just in NY and staying in a hotel. It was a king size bed. It’ was too big though. The irony is the bed at home is much larger.
I know she’s feeling it too. She was at an event Saturday evening, she wasn’t feeling social. For me she feels so bloody far away.
so when she reached out because something was making her uncomfortable; (someone) I could tease and talk to her, but could offer no comfort.
I made her laugh and that had to be enough. I want to put myself between her and anything that upsets her. I am her safe place, but right now even further away than usual.
she’s on a plane tonight but not coming home to me. Closer but not quite. The Dom i. me needs to protector her and care for her. It’s hard to do, hours away The frustration grows and so do the restless feelings.
She needs to feel sheltered and I need to know she’s safe. I crave the peace that comes from her head against my chest and my hand stroking her hair. I miss the way she taps out the rhythm of my heartbeat with her fingertip against my chest. I think we both need to recharge.because this bleeding bed is too fecking big.
Very often, I am in one state and Umber in another. Life often conspires to make that time apart longer than I care for and it’s going to get harder and harder to make time together happen.
I suck at long distance relationships. Life gets busy and chaotic. I’ll call later becomes I didn’t call but I will tomorrow. Before you know it you’ve drifted apart. Long distance is hard. I’m determined that won’t happen this time.
There are things we do to keep things together. I am a creature of habit. I find myself building routines that include her. If I am there 7am est is teatime. When I am here teatime is 6am but it’s 7am for her. Normally, Umber is either- it’s five am oh my gosh time to get up and bounce through my day or it’s 10am and the only thing between you and your eminent demise is this monster ultra. So, giving her structure because of my teatime helps (like most subs, she’ll do things for me that she won’t do for herself).
So, when I am here- of late- morning tea is spent FaceTiming while I go through my calendar and she is putting together her task list. She snaps a picture and sends it to me. Then she’ll ask what my day looks like. I give her an overview even though she has access to my calendar.
It’s mundane and maybe a bit boring. However, there’s so much I can tell in the mundane things. She’s been fight some challenges lately. I can tell from that morning ritual if they are getting to her. The first greeting, sometimes quiet, sometimes cross and sometimes so bouncy I can feel her vibrate from here says a lot. I gauge it and I’ve learned her. I start my day with her. I end my day with her. 300 miles or so away but I know where her head is.
There are things we are still working out but I would love advice or suggestions on making this work. Long distance isn’t easy but miles should be the only distance.
Umber has very particular ways of voicing her displeasure. I get either the angry chipmunk or another clever threat to my existence. This morning, it was the latter.
Today, I was lecturing her about self care (again). She’s pulling faces, so I ask what has her distracted?
her: trying to figure out how to ask you for a favor, Sir
me: Angel , what is it? (She never asks for anything so I’m curious)
her: Well, I’ll need you to take your shirt off.
me: not a problem, but why
her: I need to measure your back for my new hobby.
me: oh. (New hobby… not surprised) so what is this new hobby?
her: Anthropodermic bibliopegy- like book binding.
I’m struggling a bit. My head is breaking down Latin- dermic means skin and biblio is book. Book binding… skin.. Bloody hell woman…
I shake my head and rub my forehead as she begins to giggle.. yes she got me again- but how the fuck does she know this stuff???
me: maybe you should take up knitting again
She erupts into laughter.
Tonight, I am wondering if fate is throwing challenges in my way to make me work for it or to caution me away from her.
one of those songs she’s played on repeat has a line..
I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind. Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life…
So life divided us again… responsibility here- keeps me here and her responsibilities there keep her there. Sure there could be play sessions and maybe a weekend here or there but it’s not what either of us want. The dynamic is there, the fire is there, hell maybe even love- but the bleeding logistics make this nearly impossible.
I take a breath. I suck at long distance relationships. If it were just the distance, I’d do it all in a heartbeat. Things here though, need more than just my presence- they need my focus. I will be basically raising a child. While it would be easier with her, she has her own battles and she is (I know she hates to hear this) fragile in health. These are not things she should add. I can’t make my responsibilities her responsibilities over her own.
It’s not the first time we’ve been pulled apart eventually we find our way back. This time was so damn close to the forever- next time we’ll have to make it there.
I am not a patient man. I wish I were; I always want things to happen just a little faster. I hate lines. I hate loading screens, and if everyone walked around with thought balloons over their heads so I wouldn't have to guess what they really want or are thinking, I could be a happy man. They don't though. So, I need patience.
There are things you have to wait for. There are things that are worth that wait. Dynamics (or any relationship) are like that. Playmates are amazing; not a criticism. Scenes can be anticipated, negotiated and can be satisfying. Still, there is something deeper. For that, you have to wait.
If you train a sub, you need patience. In someways it is like raising a child. You teach them your rules, you lead them, you care for them and sometimes you discipline them. If you like the challenge of a “brat” you discipline them a great deal. It all takes patience.
Along the way you build trust. When you have the same ‘playmate’ over and over, you learn things and they will too. You learn preferences; you understand needs. That takes time and patience.
When you negotiate a scene or play session, you get a snapshot of what wants and limits exist. It’s only a brief moment though, it often changes. Still, you talk it over and hammer it out. I want this or she needs that or no way am I changing your diaper- limits. (No kink shaming just an example of a limit for me). I can’t read your mind- so let’s sit down and discuss things. The effort to negotiate takes patience.
There are so many things and preferences that you don’t learn there. Those things build richer interactions. You learn things about yourself and yourself with them. Example: I don’t think of myself as primal, but closing the front door, saying to her “run” and chasing her through the house has a new found appeal. Learning the things she deeply desires and how they affect me has taken time and patience. Learning when her bratting is in fun and when it’s a cry for attention that she doesn’t know how to ask for- that takes patience.
I still wish we had thought balloons sometimes, but I want to know what she’s thinking. I still hate that tea takes 3 minutes to steep but I won’t drink instant. I can’t cook everything on high because I don’t want to wait but then am disappointed with burnt grilled cheese. I can’t demand the richness of full dynamic with only minimal investment. If I want something amazing, I have to take one step at a time. I can’t bring out the best in her or the best in me without patience.
I swear I’m learning, but it takes patience.
Brought to me by a cute little redhead with nothing on but my shirt and the marks from last night.
Ah.. Earl Grey steeped 3 minutes no sugar no cream and certainly no lemon.