There are so many ways to claim a sub. All the ways to mark skin. Bruises from impact, bite marks, welts, even writing my name or the word mine. All the marks- Do you have a favorite and why?
I am leaving this here
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer
It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms
We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear
We're slow dancing in a burning room
I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw
I'll make the most of all the sadness
You'll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
'Cause you can't understand
We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear
We're slow dancing in a burning room
Go cry about it, why don't you?
Go cry about it, why don't you?
Go cry about it, why don't you?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room
Burning room
Burning room
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we should have learned somehow?
Dont you think we oughta know by now?
Dont you think we should have learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we should have learned somehow?
Songwriters: John Clayton Mayer
I tested positive for Covid. I wandered here. I stayed out of the way, posted random blogs and talked about my cat, my inability to cook and talked to a few people. I lurked a bit, read blogs and thought what an odd little place.
Nearly two years later, I wandered back. Just before I got COVID again. I read blogs, lurked a bit, wandered into chat, talked to a few people, played Yoko to a friends’s relationship (he picked the Beatles reference). Posted a few angry blogs, sparred in the chatroom, talked about the new cat, my inability to cook and got myself blocked by a few people.
similar but not the same. Maybe I should get a dog and learn to cook. Change it up a bit.
I didn't wash that shirt
the one you wore
barelegged in my new kitchen
unaware of my gaze
making french toast
talking like this was nothing
not out of the ordinary at all
I told you that you were beautiful
you laughed without reservation
without pity "Oh Aiden you are nuts"
everything and nothing
when that little boy
slept on my chest
and you looked away
It was December
neither; wanted to alone
to feel it all
losing the world in an Albany snow
the flight you missed
the impromptu christmas
of gingerbread and popcorn
a pillow fight
But you went home
and I didn't stop you
I want her
To climb into my lap, into my arms, wrap her arms around my neck, lay her head on my shoulder, tell me about her bad day
to fight the climax, as if she'd deny me, her body then trembling, surrendering with tears streaming down her face.
to curl into me because she feels safe, to hold her so close that 'nothing could take her away from me'
to call me on my bullshit, rally against me, beat me at chess, remind me who I am, keep me humble
to surrender and be led, to all the places, tumbling in my bed, sigh against my ear and whisper her secrets
to tackle hug me, yell my name, happy to see me, throwing herself headlong into me
to have those wordless conversations with eyes and expressions that come from years of familiar words
to feel that wonderful helplessness, her hands held above her head, wrists captured in my hand her body soft and yielding
to whimper with release, when I coax her, breathy whispers, tell her its ok, I have you, you are mine, let go.
to be mine
From the beginning, you knew the score with him
had ways to protect yourself
he asked for pictures and videos
but did he ask you for you?
Did he get into your head, deep?
He was safe little one, I am not
You did just enough to call it submission
and in the end you Dom'd yourself
Were you ever out of control really?
you may have "subbed" for him
But did you surrender?
He was safe little one, I am not
He might have been satisfied
to not push your limits
with vibrator orgasms and
cum in your hair
half done tasks and no accountability
He was safe little one, I am not
You know what you get with me
not excel sheets unchecked
journals unread and sentences
for punishments? Really?
you knew what that was and wasn't
He was safe little one, I am not
I will push those limits
spank that ass
shove you against the wall
and make you breathless.
Remind you why we use stoplights
He was safe little one, I am not
Invictus comes from a poem by William Ernest Henley. Originally untitled; the title was added later by Arthur Quiller-Couch and editor of the Oxford Book of English Verse. Invictus is the Latin word for unconquerable. I will not be going further into literary analysis. But the word unconquerable has appeal. IMO it means that I cannot control fate, but I can control myself.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
My Niece loves The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I refuse to ruin her disney-colored world. I was sitting in the living room and considered the last week of my life. Because of my niece, the phrase Topsy Turvey entered my vocabulary and now comes to mind. I can be a domineering bastard. I think in some ways it comes with the territory. I am not a small man, 6ft 6 without shoes. I usually tower over most women. For some women it is a turn on. Women who are not accustomed to feel dainty and small next to a man. Under most circumstances, my size has been an advantage. Again for tall and curvy subs, it is a turn on. I thought that was an advantage this week, trying to help a couple friends, it turns out, not everyone sees my Domination as a good thing.
So, I admit that two women have me rethinking things. The one that threw herself in my bed (not a bad thing) and the one that locked me in her garage, (not sure if this is good or bad). It's complicated. One completely compliant, her tall frame, her dark hair, dark eyes soft curves, a complete delight. The other a tiny fury, a fire haired hell cat who's every look states in the royal plural, "We are not amused". For a moment, the idea was pitched to have them both, sister subs. Either one of them would have been a prize, I got greedy I guess. When the offer fell apart, I was happy to have my dark flower. I will be happy to train her and nurture her. She wants to surrender giving me complete control. I like that, it is in my wheelhouse.
However, the same approach with the hellcat could not have gone more wrong. I thought I could make her feel safe. She saw it as bullying. Like a lot of Doms of a certain age, (all of you guys that fell in love with Gor, I am looking at you) we bought into the willful woman being brought to her knees, unbroken and being trained, prized and treasured. We accept that most subs want to serve. They are again prized and treasured. I am not sure the little hellcats Dom knew what to do with her. I sure as hell don't. I do know my attempt to make her feel safe, infuriated her. I do know that my need to protect her and care for her became a less than desirable event. An event that ended with her standing on one side of door and me on the other. When she tossed her head and said, "I will let you out when you say you can be a good boy." I was confused. Shit like this only happens in those bodice ripping smut books. She's sick, I want to care for her. It is my life's calling.
But there I was, unsure if I wanted to strangle her or fuck her. Interesting, because I was supposed to be helping her. I don't think it was a desire to submit to this tiny terror. It was the overwhelming need to possess her. Is it just me or are brats maddening? Is she really a brat? Have I met my match. Do not get me wrong, I am enjoying the dark flower in my bed. The marks on her wrists from her struggling against the restraints says that. The sensual smile that greeted me says that. This is not a closed relationship, its not a collaring relationship- it is still open, play partners. I appreciate her and she is enjoying that. There are no expectations. I am good with that, its early in the experience.
The topsy turvey is, could I use a different approach with the hellcat? Do I let it go? Do appreciate her spirit from afar? Do I just decided she is not my type? It is a lot to consider and I am still rethinking the way I handle things. Remember, it is just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Quarantine left me with a few thoughts. One, I need to work on my work/life balance. Two, I have lost the ability to be social and three I need to learn to actually cook.
oh and for those that need their Bast fix Halloween pictures forthcoming.
I know some people who need to hear this.
Learn to swim… you won’t be afraid to burn a few bridges if you can swim on you own.