Online now
Online now

Fantasy writing

He came in, and in that moment my heart dropped. I wasnt sure what i was feeling, whether it was fear or excitement. He caught me looking at him and in the moment he asked "should i let you go?". That question made my confusion worse, should he let me go? Should i stay? What would happen?. Without realizing it, i got out of my head and saw him looking puzzled. I havent answered his question yet, but how could I? I had to say something though, anything. I quickly replied back with "oh, i am in control now". What was that? What did that even mean? I didnt have much time to really think about that though because he quickly launched at me and said "excuse me, listen here you little slut, i can keep you as a slave, would you like that? OH MY GOD, why does he keep asking me questions, like I'm supposed to know. Ive never been in this situation before and i can barely figure out what I'm feeling, let alone express it. Before i knew it, he just walked away and closed the door again. There i was in this dark cold basement with no clothes on and cuts on my body. I wasnt cold, maybe it was because I spent most of my time in here trying to understand. I yelled "why don't you be a man for once" the door swung back open faster than I could finish my sentence. "Are you fucking challenging me, you have no idea who you are dealing with". What have i done, could he be dangerous? I mean sure I'm chained up, cut, and naked but none of it bothers me. When he is around me I can see the care and fear in his eyes, maybe he's just as confused as me. After all he did kidnap me.
2 weeks ago. May 14, 2024 at 5:53 PM

From the beginning we are created with some type of structure. Rules, boundaries, tasks, etc are all slowly laid out for us as we get older. Some of us don't get this, or only get fractures of this. Leaving us to crave more.

My sub space, is my comfort. I overthink, why am I not good enough, why did I have to become like this, etc. When I have a strong present dom, he takes these thoughts away. The embrace of his warmth or the sound of his voice to just bring me back and keep me safe. 

A dom is important to me because he knows,cares, and helps me. Sometimes my slave sub comes out more. Sometimes without him, I feel empty, useless, unfulfilled. Just the thought of him, or a strong person in general helps me feel better. 

Am I weak? No of course not, my mind is my biggest enemy at times. Just because I prefer to have someone help me battle this and other stuff. Doesn't mean I'm incapable, however it can become stronger than me. When left unattended and I am left alone.

Maybe this is why I hate being alone, what do you think?

Should I go into more detail?

1 month ago. April 23, 2024 at 5:18 PM

We are told a cookie cutter life is what we should strive for since childhood. When someone goes against this and trains you to realize that life is so much bigger than this black and white thinking. You crave to have this life. It is so different, so deep, so loving, and accepting. That's when the real fun begins.

 

I was exposed to it early on, making me unique. Being unique came with its struggles though. It caused confusion, constant understanding and growth, and to become strong. It was tiring to say the least. I wanted so much out of life. True happiness and bliss.

 

I tried to be open to dynamics. I tried in person dynamics, I tried long distance across countries, I tried online. Nothing ever felt right because I always felt like I had to suppress desires. I had enough.

 

I started thinking the lifestyle wasn't for me. It didn't matter how freeing and happy it made me feel. So I searched in the vanilla community for a husband and that cookie cutter lifestyle. In no time at all, I found someone. I tried expressing and bringing up the lifestyle. In hopes to get everything out of life I could. He saw me as a kinky bitch that likes sex. After explaining time and time again. I suppressed as he didn't understand and I was in to deep already.

 

Suppression is a tricky game that ultimately fails. When your true desires start coming to light. Like a moth to a flame, I felt lured back to the lifestyle. I needed it, I craved it, I wanted it.

 

How can I be selfish though, I've created a vanilla life. I can't go back. I can't stop. Or can I? 

 

True desires will always be apart of my life, they will always be in my head and I will always be seeking until I can find it.

 

What do I do?