Truth

I’m not owned or collared. 

So why do I wear a very delicate lock on a chain around my neck?

So others who “if you know, you know” will notice and recognize who and what I am. Sometimes I wonder if, walking through the grocery store, I will meet someone’s eye, and their gaze will drop to my neck, and they will look back into my eyes and give a slight nod that says “I see you.”

But more importantly to remind myself of who and what I am, despite the fact that I’m not partnered or owned or collared. 

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that when the grind of daily life gets to be too much. Or the weight of not having a partner feels defeating. 

I don’t need a big huge lock and chain to remind me. Sometimes something small and delicate and subtle can carry more weight and mean more than the heaviest chain.

I will be more than “not enough” and “too much”.

I will be sees and wanted for who I am and the submission I have to offer.

I will be worth the effort to get to know.

I will be worth the time it takes to break down my walls.

I will be valued for more than just my physical body.

I will be thought of with a smile.

Worth the distance.

Worth the questions I ask.

Worth the reassurance I need.

Until then

I will kneel in the silence of my room.

I will be here to support my friends and those whose writings and pictures I appreciate.

I will do the work on myself that will allow me to submit when and if the right person comes alone.

I will keep myself open to possibilities.

I just saw the following quote and boy did it resonate with me. 

“If I am meant to be alone then please take away my desire to be loved. because it hurts to crave something i might never have. it hurts to look at people who have someone and wonder what it feels like to be chosen, to be held, to be loved the way i wish i could be. i get tired of pretending that being alone doesn't bother me. if being alone is truly what's meant for me, then please, take away this ache in my heart. take away this hope that someone will come, because it's painful to keep waiting for love that might never arrive.”

It’s hard to want something so badly, and yet to feel like it is floating just outside of your grasp. My life is good, don’t get me wrong. Good job, amazing family, great friends…..and yet there feels like there is one piece missing. And I’m truly happy for those who have found what they are looking for. And a little envious if I’m being honest with myself. I fluctuate between thinking I’m too much and not enough in the same breath. And logically I know that, for the right person, I will be everything for them. I’ve been doing the self examination and work for several years and feel that I’m in a good place and ready. I’ve tried to be patient (not one of my stronger virtues). Praying this test of patience brings me what my heart desires. 

First day of break and I’m already struggling. Not sure what to do with myself. Just goes to show that I don’t function well without structure. I put together a “to do” list and I don’t feel like it’s enough to keep me busy. I’m not good at just relaxing. For some of us the struggle is real. 

When the nurse says “have a good visit” and you say “thanks, you too” and you try and fix it by saying “have a good day” and then you just go sit in the corner of the waiting room like 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ok yeah and it’s Valentine’s Day. For those who are unattached, it’s just another Saturday. And it can be a difficult one. So be gentle with yourself. 

This is your reminder that you are beautiful/handsome, amazing, worthy and enough! Do something nice for yourself and celebrate the extraordinary person you are. 

You wonder why you never get a response when your opening line is “nice tits or “oh I’d fuck that or “send me more pics” or “wanna come over and chill?” or “I’m looking for a Mistress”. 

You wonder why we say “no thanks” when nothing on our profiles even hints at compatibility, connection, shared kinks and desires. 

You wonder, when everything is laid out as plain and simply as you can, why nobody takes a moment to read a profile. How hard is it to engage in simple, polite, respectful conversation? We may be submissives or slaves but we are humans and deserve respect. For the love of Pete, put some energy and effort into it. It could make all the difference. 

Feeling like I am too much and not enough at the same time. Such a hard place to be. 

That’s all. 
The end

For those in the path of the storm, make sure your toys are all charged up, would hate for them to lose power at a critical moment. 

Just a friendly PSA.

Stay safe!