Every year, I usually attend a coalition to end sexual exploitation global summit. This year, it happened on this past November 8th - 11th and it was really awesome. I pride myself on being highly educated, informed and self aware of what is going on in the world, especially in regards to women's rights and body politics. However, what I really loved about the summit this year was not just the range of speakers and topics being presented but the powerful messages that came from each speaker and their presentation. It was made clear several times by the men during the summit that the campaign to end sexual exploitation is not just a women's issue but a men's issue as well. A lot of speakers talked about the need for sex buyers to be held accountable in their participation to exploit sex workers and victims of sex trafficking.
I bring this here because there was a really interesting women at the summit who was not a presenter but she was networking with others through the community forums and she kept posting her website which proclaimed that BDSM is actually abuse and grooming. It really threw me for a spin because I did not agree with that notion. But I can definitely understand there being a community of people who have experienced BDSM in a very abusive, disheartening, disturbing and toxic manner. Those people definitely have the right to take space for themselves and make others aware of the dangers that come with BDSM community because yes, it is not all good. I've had a large portion of the men on this website message me and tell me that they've experience people trying to ghosting them and scam them. But I haven't heard yet about anyone being abused. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There are definitely people who do not understand the rules of BDSM. There are definitely people who straight up don't respect consent. There are people who don't see women as human beings. There are definitely narcissistic manipulators who do scam people, traffick people and do horrendous things to others and not even just talking about sexual assault. But you get the point.
I love attending this summit every year because it always opens my eyes to the major issues within not just the porn industry but the customer service and entertainment industry in general. I personally have my own things that I like to learn about because I am a survivor of incest, sexual assault and harassment. In the past, I have been cat called, followed home, manipulated into sex, sent unwanted dick pics, been slut shamed, victim blamed, you name it. This summit for me is always an opportunity to make community and talk about these things with other people who get them but especially people that want to talk about these issues and things.
I think if you are going to be involved in this world of BDSM, you should at least know what the risks are. It's not just exposure or shame but some people lives are literally destroyed. Even something as innocent as uploading a sext you received from an ex or stranger online, that can ruin someone's life and it has.
I didn't write this to scare anybody.
I didn't write this to shame anybody.
I wrote this to share my experience in hopes that it may do some good whether that's to inform or help others feel less alone.
One thing that makes me nervous is meeting people from this place. I don't want to go through anything horrible like I have in the past. That should be understandable.
I like to take my time getting to know somebody. But even then, in my experience, you can never really know somebody. Cause change is the name of the game in this world.
And that's the point.
Technology can be our friend. People can be our friends.
But they can also both be our worst nightmare.
So be careful.
Respect people's privacy.
Respect people's consent.
Respect yourself enough to know the facts.
Know what you're getting yourself into.
Til next time
Thanks for reading!