A Purposeful Journey

I just spent a lovely weekend with E. I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before I drove over, so Friday was basically vanilla - he cooked French onion soup, which was delicious! We caught up for a while, and he tucked me in pretty early while he stayed up for a while longer. I so love being tucked in, it makes me feel cared for.

Saturday we slept in a bit, and then cuddled for a while when we woke up. I practiced my cock warming and did a bit of worship, just enjoying licking from taint all the way up his balls, then gently sucking on them. It's a lovely way to truly feel my submissiveness after being away for over a month.

We went out for breakfast, and then back to his house after to nurse our food comas. I decided to take a nap so that I'd be fresh for the club and wouldn't be too tired to stay up late, so E again tucked me into bed. But this time, mmmm. I laid down in bed nude, leaving my breasts uncovered. He began by twisting my nipples and telling me to cum - which of course I did. He got more aggressive, pinching my nipples and making them hurt, then kneading my breasts roughly. It hurt but turned me on too, so I just kept cumming.

At one point he left the room and said he'd be right back. I said uh-oh, and he laughed an evil laugh. E came back with a wooden back scratcher, you know the kind that are about an inch wide, carved into a claw at one end? He started smacking the flat of it across my breasts, on my nipples, underneath, etc. It stung, but I get really turned on when he does that. He teases me about my nipples because I never got any pleasure from them in the past but now, wow they are SOOO sensitive. And we both enjoy that.

The painful pleasure and something about suffering for my Master makes me so hot. I was lying on my back with him standing over me smiling, my hands kneading the covers at my sides but not lifting to cover myself. I am his, and I love feeling owned and used for his pleasure. I just stared up at him helplessly while I had several more orgasms. And he smiled.

After my nap we got ready to go to the club. It was fun and so interesting, my first time at a place like that. We didn't talk to many people as E is pretty new there as well, but we enjoyed observing the competitive spanking competition, and then watched assorted couples doing impact play in various spaces around the main room. I was really impressed at what some of them could take, I'm a lightweight with the pain stuff though I do enjoy some. It was nice to see such a variety of people and variety of body types. E walked me around and showed me the various rooms as well, very cool.

We did speak to the owner for a little while and she was excited about the protocol dinner next weekend. E and I are planning to attend, it will be a great learning experience for me. And now that I've been there I don't see myself having an issue being a naked sub next Saturday night.

After we got home, we chilled for a little bit and then E gave me a choice. Impact play or the Sybian, he said. I chose impact play as I've been craving it. He then proceeded to tie my hands together, then bent me over the bed and tied the rope to the bedpost at the other end of the bed, pulling it tight so I couldn't get up. I shivered a little in anticipation.

I shrieked at the first whack, and then giggled a bit while I asked him what the fuck that was lol. A paint stirrer, but not the little thin ones, nope it was a good quarter inch thick and stiff. I really don't think he's used that before. BUT I asked for marks, and my butt for some reason doesn't mark very easily, so he was definitely going heavier than last time.

He switched off between different floggers and the stir stick, keeping me guessing. The flogger on my back is actually a turn on, it doesn't hurt so much as feel sexy for some reason. My bum is more sensitive of course and the pain wasn't turning me on so much this time since he was hitting harder.

I wiggled around a lot and at one point he mentioned that if we were at the club sometime he would tie my legs firmly too so I couldn't get away. I sort of shrieked "unh-unh!" Lol he was like "what did you just say to me?? You did NOT just tell me no!" And more beating ensued, of course with the stick in a spot that he had already tenderized. OWWWW!!! Lots of cursing and "Sir I'm sorry!!" followed while he laughed at me.

After a few more minutes I started to cry a little, and he laid down next to me and asked if I wanted to stop, or continue. I said "Ummm . . ." and giggled a bit so of course he continued a bit more and said that I was almost being a brat, telling him no, and not giving him a decision on stopping or continuing.

And then he started with the pinching!!! Jaysus motherfucker I don't know what it is about the pinching but I just couldn't take it, when he pinches my tender ass after flogging me I just lose my shit it hurts so bad. That spot just on the inside edge of the cheek, oh fuck me that HURTS!!!

We actually found a limit because I had to safeword after a couple minutes of that, I just couldn't take any more. Good to know, right? Weird how that was the thing that was just intolerable. I sobbed and he cuddled me, and I slept SO well that night and slept in late in the morning. Insomnia is my frequent companion so I LOVE the release I get from impact play.

But before we went to sleep I really needed to suck his cock, so I did that while we were lying there cuddling. When he starts talking to me, telling me how I'm in my proper place, I'm being a good slut, reminding me how he likes it, giving me dirty fantasy stuff like "I bet you'd enjoy that glory hole wouldn't you, sucking any big cock that came through, letting it go right down your throat, etc," mmmm, I get so fucking hot.

And when he puts a hand on my head and the other on the back of my neck and pushes my head down - I cum like crazy. I love how he uses me, in fact I'm getting wet sitting here thinking about it.

We talked a little on Sunday morning about how I'm not a hardcore masochist like some of those I saw at the club, but I do enjoy it for a while. More buildup would probably make it last longer and would likely help with the sexy factor, the light flogging and/or slapping on my ass and pussy get me very hot. But when I said I'd be a boring wimp compared to the ones I saw at the club, E said they would likely find me entertaining because I'm so vocal and wiggly. Umm, okay then.

After that we had food and I took a shower in preparation for heading back to my side of the state. E also had some work pants that were unhemmed and needed hemming, so I had brought my sewing box with me so I could pin them up and take them home with me to hem. We did that too, and then it was time to go.

But I'm headed back next weekend just for one night so we can go to the protocol dinner, which will be so interesting! E is looking forward to learning more about protocol as well. Can't wait to see how it goes. Oh, and I do have marks, though not as much as E thought I would. I keep dropping into my office chair and saying "ouch!" and smiling.

Today I told E that I'm still sleeping better since he beat my ass on Saturday night and asked if that means I need maintenance spankings.  He was like probably, we'll test it out this weekend and see how I sleep next week 😉 Okie dokie then.

I wrote this in November while I was taking a break from the site, illness makes me not want to interact with people so I bailed for a bit  Back and feeling good so thought I would share this.

I haven't been able to visit my Master since the beginning of October. I've been sick since I got back from vacation. I miss him.

E of course is not happy with my absence either, he is eager to play with me lol. While he is horny, I am not, because, well, I am sick. Illness, at least for me, knocks my libido down completely.

My submission has always had a strong sexual component, in part because my libido woke up along with my submissive urges and I needed plenty of Sex Ed 101, which E has provided to both of our satisfaction.

As we chatted last night I told him that I wished we lived closer to each other, because I'd love to have short visits while I'm getting better instead of having to wait until I'm well enough to spend the weekend together. I said that I still feel the need to serve him even though my sexy thoughts are not happening right now.

Since I haven't had this lack of libido since I've known him until now, I had to experience it to truly understand that my slave urges, the need to serve, to obey, is still strong within me even without the sexual urges. I knew that it was part of me, but this experience has helped me feel it inside instead of just knowing it intellectually.

E asked me what I needed, and I said again, I need to serve my Master. He asked me again, his voice getting deeper, and I fumbled a bit more before I finally said, I need to kneel for you Sir. Shiver. He said yes, you needed to remember how that feels, kneeling, looking up at me with that look in your eyes. And I did.

I was thinking about all that this morning when I woke up early. My fever is down but I'm still sick and overall just weak. I took a few days off work to rest. I laid there thinking about some future time, if I'm living with some future Master, would I be ok with him using me for sex while I'm sick?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's not likely that he's gonna want something from me while I'm puking in a bucket every 30 minutes or coughing my lungs out with pneumonia. But if I'm in bed resting, not feeling good but not in the throes of whatever agony, if he wants to fuck me, I'm not gonna fight it. I still need to serve and that makes me feel good even if I'm not feeling it sexually. I still want to please him.

Lol and I might feel it sexually anyway given a bit of encouragement. But in my thoughts, he doesn't just use me. He also helps me clean up after, and tucks me back into bed with a fresh glass of water and some Tylenol. He kisses my forehead, smiles - wait what? You don't think that Doms care, or smile? Of course they do! And it's my dream dammit now shut up. If I want to be a hopeful romantic I will. He smiles, and says, "Get some rest little one," before he goes about his day.

Sooo, as I was lying in bed thinking these thoughts, I had an unexpected sexual urge. Lol I took advantage of that and played with my Master's pussy till I had an orgasm, thinking lovely thoughts about our past visits, in the end pushing myself over the edge using a post-hypnotic suggestion that I have permission to use myself when I can't sleep.

Oops - um, I was on a restriction last week for my visit until we realized that I wasn't going to make it and I haven't felt any urges so haven't asked if I'm off restriction? Um, Sir, when you read this, lol I'm asking. But honestly the lovely pleasure and relaxation I got from my first desired orgasm in a couple of weeks would be worth feeling his belt on my ass.

As subs, we all give our 100% submission in a relationship when we choose to submit to a Dominant.  But what is our 100%?  This of course varies from person to person.  For me, as a slave, my 100% would be basically anything not including my work life and my family.  While I'm with E now as he trains me, in a future relationship, my 100% would exclude those things. 

For some slaves, their 100% might include all aspects of their life, if they choose that.  For a submissive who prefers to submit only in the bedroom, or in the bedroom plus a few other areas, that is THEIR 100%.  I'm not hitting all the types here but you can see where I'm going.

Real life dictates that 100% can only be what we HAVE to give and what we are WILLING to give.  Many of us have jobs, kids, elderly parents, family stuff, and a plethora of other shit that gets in the way.  But our 100% is still valid.  We're still giving all that we can give.

What about a brat?  A brat also submits 100%, I completely believe this.  Being a brat is a part of them, it's NOT partial submission or some such nonsense.  Brats may take longer than some to submit to a dominant, because many of them have past trauma and serious trust issues.  But when they do submit, they give their all.  They are intensely loyal and loving, and they deserve to have love just as much as anyone else. 

Brat taming isn't necessary - they're not fighting submission, they are showing their trust in a Dom by showing you who they are on the inside, and they're trusting you to understand what's behind the brat behavior.  A Dom that understands a brat won't try to push that down, but will continue to be kind, consistent, and trustworthy in his interactions.  He will value the deep level of trust that allows her to show her true self.

We all have our differences, Dom and sub alike. We all, including brats, deserve to be loved, and deserve someone who will show us that love unconditionally.

Thanks to SirsBabyDoll for reminding me, and for writing her awesome series "Art of the Brat." I'm still reading them, but I've learned a lot so far.

I saw a really good discussion on a status this morning on another site about the term "alpha" as it pertains to submissives.  I jumped in and learned some stuff, and started forming an opinion of my own on the topic.  Fun :)

I've always been uncomfortable with the term even when it comes to dominants, but even more so with submissives. It seems like a throwaway word, a weak descriptive word, while the word "Dominant" also implies an action, to dominate.  A submissive, submits.  

An alpha sub? I saw several different definitions of alpha sub, it was helpful for me to read through them and think about why exactly I'm not fond of the word.

The old definition of alpha sub described the first sub in a poly household, the one responsible for training the other subs and handing out duties. With the rise of a much more informal version of D/s & M/s, this has mostly fallen by the wayside and many aren't aware of it at all. I'm new to this world, though I am older, so this was new to me. 

Others described it as something that some subs, perhaps more insecure than others, would use to describe themselves to make them stand out from all the other subs, to seem better?  I don't think anyone is better or worse than someone else.  We're all different, special to ourselves but we're still just people.  But I can see the term being used that way.

Others described the alpha sub as someone who is dominant in their work world, for whom submission is a temporary escape from the pressures of the job. Something was said about how these women don't have a weakness that means they need a Dom to help or strengthen them, to paraphrase one commenter, they are all strength and power and just WANT to hand that over.  Hmmm, doesn't seem very sub-like to me, but ok if some like that definition, or parts of it. 

I am in the corporate world myself, and I am a leader. I'm not at the top of the totem pole by any means, but I have influence, and I lead a team. I have gotten comfortable in this man's world, and I enjoy my job. I've gotten to this place by emulating other women who check their passive aggressive bullshit at the door, say what needs to be said, and put in the work. 

However, I would not call myself an alpha sub - I'm sure many women like me feel the same way. To me the work world is the temporary place where I go to make money, though I do enjoy it and I'm good at it. Now that I've found my way here, submission is not my escape. Submission is my home, and slavery is my joy.

My two cents for today :)

I've been thinking about this topic more lately.  I've been chatting with another Dom on another site who approached me respectfully.  We're getting to know each other a bit with no expectations.  Lol it's good practice, I share with E what we discuss and my feelings about it - he doesn't require that, but I like to get his take on things.

This Dom, we'll call him B, is in a situation similar to mine regarding divorce, however not quite as far along as I am.  His isn't quite finalized yet, and I'm about 5 months out from mine.  He has been into kink for years, but it's really a new landscape for him because his wife was not, and advised him to seek it elsewhere.  So now he's free, and rethinking a lot of things.

Non-monogamy is one of those things, and I've been thinking on it as we have our email conversation.  There are books, I know, and they seem to address the questions that I've come up with, like how do you keep your primary person from getting jealous, or from being afraid you'll find someone else you like better and just leave her. And if you have this understanding from the beginning of a new relationship, how do you even bring that up?  I like you a lot and want you to be my sub, but I still wanna fuck other people?  I feel like a closed poly relationship would be easier to deal with, it's more like monogamy but with more than 2 people.  But still, there could be issues.

E and I - well I'm monogamous to him right now because I don't need another Dom telling me things that might conflict with what I'm learning from him.  He has proven himself to be a good trainer and a good friend and I don't feel a need to go outside of that relationship at this time.  But I also don't dictate what he might do with other people.  He may not be actively meeting up with anyone else right now which doesn't mean monogamous lol, but if he decides to that is up to him.  As I've said before, we are friends, and he is my Dom with benefits. 

I feel like monogamy would be lovely if I developed strong feelings for someone who felt the same way and wanted to be one-on-one, as long as both of our needs are being met.  But if I'm ok with E playing with others, could I do that with another Dom if I had strong luvvy feelings for him?  If all of his needs weren't being met by me, would I be ok with him having another slave?  Or just playing with someone else to meet those needs?  That's a good question.  

Conversely, if I found someone else I wanted to play with, would another Dom be ok with that?  What if we had strong feelings for each other but I had a need that he couldn't meet?  E doesn't really want another Dom giving me orders and contradicting things that he tells me, but if I wanted to just find someone to fool around with and that made me happy, he would be ok with it.  Does it matter if it's within or outside of the D/s world? 

In a D/s or M/s relationship, I think of it as an unequal relationship between equals.  Does the equality of our selves trump the inequality of the relationship?  Or vice versa?  I won't ask if it's fair because fair doesn't really enter into it, but is it expected that a Master could have other slaves but a slave could not play with another Master?  Or not play with another Master without him present?  

Lots to consider here.  I don't like to think that I won't find love again, meaning monogamous love.  But I'm trying to think of different permutations of relationships that could happen that would be equally valid, and not think of them as "second best."  If all the stars aligned and I found love, but he felt strongly about ENM in some form or another, I want to think about what might work for me. 

I'm new to this world and learning, but I'm also changing in major ways outside of D/s.  E and I were chatting today and he pointed out that I'm doing now what many do in their 20's because I was profoundly depressed and missed out on so many things.  

I'm going from introvert to extrovert, learning that I'm submissive, taking singing lessons - so much fun - losing weight, loving my life, and figuring out who I really am.  So why not reconsider how I think of what we call a "relationship?"  It may be a moot point if I find someone else who also wants to be monogamous, but I just want to open my mind a bit and give it some serious thought since I'm rethinking the rest of my life lol. Why not?  

I love that E is so supportive of me in all this, he really gets a kick out of watching my progress and hearing about my thoughts on things.  I really love the way he makes me think.  We had a great conversation this morning.  Thank you Sir.  

I'm lucky.

My childhood was pretty good. No great traumas, my dad was an angry asshole a lot but I wasn't beaten or molested by anyone.

My 20's were a black hole of depression. I don't remember much to be honest. Depression runs on my mom's side. I dropped out of college at 20. Acquired some sexual trauma from a coercive relationship I couldn't figure out how to walk away from before it damaged me. I got married and divorced a couple of times to losers. Had shitty self-esteem and worked crappy, low-paying jobs like factory, warehouse, and transportation work.

I came out of the depression at the age of 32 with an unshakeable sense of optimism that holds up to this day, along with an unwillingness to hang on to the bad stuff. Even my mother said I was a different person.

I spent my 30's like I should have spent my 20's - falling in love with the bad boy (don't do this, prison visiting day is humiliating for visitors and just sucks all around,) and dating various men that didn't really do it for me.

I chose not to have kids. My sister was a single mom of 3 and her babies were my babies. You know what I mean, those of you who have done the same. I didn't meet anyone in my 30's that I wanted to have kids with and I sure as fuck wasn't doing it on my own.

My 40's I spent with "asshat" or "twatnozzle" as my Master likes to call him. On the good side, I got my ass back in school and got a couple of degrees. I worked my way up in the company I work for now and I make a decent living. Sure I have bills, but I can pay them.

Twatnozzle got scary as I was divorcing him this spring but that trauma didn't stick with me - see the "unshakeable optimism" section. I chose to move on.

I got breast cancer, actually they caught it at the pre-cancer stage. Went through what felt like a zillion scans, had a chunk cut out of my boob, had 3 weeks of radiation treatments. All while dealing with scary twatnozzle. And working full time. Was lots of fun. Okay not so much.

I've faced my mortality and admitted my faults. I understand that I'm not special. I'm just a person, one of billions on our planet. I'll never be famous. The world won't mourn when I die someday. A few people might.

But I'm okay with all of that. I'm happy that I've been so lucky.

I love talking to my Master. E always has good things to say, makes me laugh, and makes me think.

Last night he called me. I was cooking and couldn't text very well so he decided to ring me instead. "You'll get a giggle out of this," he said, and proceeded to tell me about a "slave" that sent a message to him on another site expressing her interest. She's on my side of the state. In chatting by email on the site, she mentioned that she's very smart and has 2 Master's degrees. He was like oh that's great, I like smart women, what are your degrees in. She then told him she wasn't going to discuss that, she wanted to hear what he would do with her. Seriously?? Kinda rude and bossy right?

And then she said that she didn't have a car and he would have to come get her. And when she was with someone she stayed for an extended period, she didn't do just weekends.

I was laughing my ass off by this time. I said, you'd show up and she'd probably have like 4 garbage bags full of stuff and a couple of kids in tow lol. We had a laugh, and he said that if he was coming here, he'd be picking up the slave that is pleasant and has made things easy in our relationship 😄 Lol happy little glow from me, but really isn't a slave supposed to be pleasant?

It may sound weird that we talk about this stuff but E and I are friends as well as Master and slave. We have love for each other and chat by text every day, but we aren't IN love with each other. Really I think that's appropriate for my first D/s relationship. I really look up to him, he's a wonderful Master and friend.  We will continue to be friends even after our M/s relationship ends. Lol as he says, I still have much to learn so hopefully it's not going to end soon. We THOROUGHLY enjoy our time spent together as you can tell by my writings about our weekends.

And shit I've only been officially divorced for, let's see, 5 months as of November 1st. At this point the thought of getting into something seriously luvvy duvvy gives me fucking hives. I mean it really scares me because I'm so not ready to go there.

E also helps me think through things out loud - we were talking about my weight loss and how that is going. I expressed my happiness with losing 35 pounds so far, but also my feelings about how body positivity is great, but also makes me feel a bit like the odd man out for saying "my fat is no longer healthy and I need to lose it."

I was "fat and healthy" in my 20's and in my 40's (lol I was thinner in my 30's, less stress) but that changed with the breast cancer diagnosis. I don't have any genetic mutations for cancer, and obesity IS a risk factor even though people don't want to think about that. Please consider this people, your "fat and healthy" may not stay that way. Plus I never made peace with the weight, I've always hated it.

I'm a small person, 5'4" and small boned. I have plenty of muscle so I won't be as thin as I was in high school, but a size 8 or 10 is reasonable to shoot for. I reasoned out my plan for the upcoming months with him listening and adding his advice. I haven't been working too hard at losing beyond tracking my calories and doing a ton of exercise and outdoor work.

Now that it's fall and the temps are great but days are getting shorter, I need to change things up a bit so that I keep losing, and I'd like to even kick it up a notch by choosing better foods and eating less pizza lol. So E helped me reason out my plan.

We also talked about locations, about being "entrenched" where we are. My parents are moving back to Iowa to be near my sister and the grandkids, but I really don't want to go north again. I don't like the cold any more after almost 10 years back in Missouri. But I also don't have any family here.

Yes, I have dogs and ducks, but they could all be moved if I really wanted to go somewhere else. I LOVE my place in the country and don't have any desire to move at this time, but I just wanted to think about the possibilities if I was open to relocating eventually, for myself or maybe for a future relationship, who knows? My job is the kind that can be done remotely, so that's a good thing too. Or maybe I find someone local, or maybe someone relocates to be with me? Lol anything is possible, right?

E and I talked for a few hours, as we usually do when we call. Then it was time for bed since work starts early. Our conversations always give me a happy glow. I went to bed smiling.

I've been thinking lately about how I'm finding my own "flavor" of M/s. While E is training me as my current Master, at some point we will go our own ways and I will take what I've learned to a new relationship.

There are quite a few versions of M/s and O/p, and some aren't really my thing. But that's ok 😄 I read through a lot of things and it's helpful in ruling things out.

I'm not of the opinion that women are inferior to men. I've seen this out there from both men and women, and it's just not my thing. I don't think women are any less important than men. Lol hard to have an O/p relationship without the p, right? That's my opinion anyway.

While I do believe in equal pay for equal work, I am not a feminist. I like the idea of having roles in a relationship.

I LOVE feeling owned. I find freedom in being a slave, in letting go of all the behaviors I use to cope in the man's world every day and just be a girl. I feel free to be silly, sexy, affectionate, and girly. I feel free to serve instead of lead - and I also feel cared for and guided by E, which I love.

I love kneeling for E, and I love providing sexual service - we have focused on that quite a bit since I needed Sex Ed 101 - lol I wasn't that familiar with my body and how good sex could really feel. I need to please and obey E, and it makes me happy to do so. And he enjoys giving me pleasure, which is something I would like in a future Master as well.

What about domestic service? This I've been thinking about a lot lately. I've hated doing domestic chores for a long time, but I've realized that a lot of that is because my ex was a lazy sack of crap who didn't do anything at all.

But . . . I think I might enjoy domestic chores more if I had a real partner. A Master, who would take care of the guy type stuff, while I take care of my stuff. I think it would make a huge difference to have a solid partnership. I really do enjoy doing things for people that I care about.

There are still other things to think about. Monogamy? I'm not sure I would want to be part of a household with other slaves or serve someone who is also in a vanilla marriage, which I have also seen. I think of M/s for me as more of a one-on-one relationship. Poly seems to be difficult to pull off for a lot of people, and ethical non-monogamy seems like fancy language for fucking around. Again, this is my opinion.

I read profiles as well, and personal ads are pretty descriptive about what some people are looking for. There's the Dom who wants to share his sub with all his friends, while wearing 5-inch stilettos of course - her, not him lol. Old foot injuries mean that if I'm wearing a heel over 2 inches, I would not be putting my weight on them - if my feet are in the air, then ok.

But sharing with his friends? Hmmm, I don't know that I'd like that. I think I would not feel very valuable, and I want to feel valued. I guess you could argue that he is so proud of her skills that he wants to show her off, but I still feel kind of skeezy about it. To me valued means someone is a bit possessive of me. I'd have to think on this one some more if I was interested in someone who felt strongly about sharing.

MFF threesome relationships seem fairly common, or I'll say commonly requested anyway. I would say I'm curious about women. I've been attracted to a few over the years but never acted on it. BUT I'm very very fond of dick, and to the man it's attached to. I love the way a man smells, I love his voice, the shelter of his arms - a threesome with a woman would probably be fun but I'm not sure about the relationship part.

But you're a slave, you say, and your Master decides what you will or won't do!

Yes, but this is where you choose your Master very carefully. I won't use words like true, or real, because they are subjective. I think I'd like a careful Master, someone who is willing to grow in a relationship over time. Someone to work towards surrendering my limits with, to work towards allowing him full power over me in the areas that we agree upon.

Seriously, you only want to give up your limits with someone whose limits are acceptable to you, and his must-haves don't hit your hard limits. Pushing limits can be done and maybe should be expected, but I want someone who will take care with me.

At this moment in time, I feel like I'd eventually like a Master I could fall in love with, who would love me in return. Is that weird? I'm recently divorced so not ready for that right now, but at some future time I'll be ready for it.

Based on what I've learned so far about M/s and myself, I'd like an old-fashioned relationship, two of us, with him as Master or Owner, and me as slave or property. This gives me a happy little smile thinking about it.

The beauty of websites like this and others is that there are many types of people that practice many types of M/s. And I'm eternally optimistic when it comes to finding love, so there's that. We'll just see what happens down the road.

I know I'm missing more stuff, but I'll get there. This all takes research and time and care from an excellent trainer helping a newbie to figure herself out, and I'm lucky enough to have that excellent trainer :)

It's hard being a woman. Much of the work world is still a man's world. Through the years we learn how to find our way through this world, at least we do if we want to succeed. Lessons I have learned while working include:

• Pull your weight - respect is earned.
• Say what you need to say - nobody wants your passive aggressive bullshit.
• Don't be like that woman who screws around with a guy in the office (both married to other people of course) and gets caught snogging in the stairwell or fucking in a car in the parking lot.
• Don't tolerate harassment, but understand that sometimes a compliment is just a compliment, or maybe an awkward guy trying to start a conversation.
• Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes, just own them, fix what you can, and move on - men don't hang on to that shit so why should we?
• It's great that mental health issues are more accepted now, but be honest with yourself - if you need a mental health day every other week, it doesn't matter if you have approved leave, you're not getting promoted because the powers that be will think you're unreliable even if your issues have nothing to do with work.
• Oh god, period time! In a woman's world of work you'd get to take a day off every month, but it's not that way. Though many women would prefer to stay in bed, pop a muscle relaxer, curl up around your heating pad and pray for the grim reaper to end your miserable goddamn existence so your suffering will stop, you can't do that. You get up, drag your most bloat friendly pair of work pants out of the closet and stock your purse with tampons. Then instead of the muscle relaxer you down a handful of ibuprofen with a swig of diet soda to hopefully take the edge off, and then eat some toast on the way in to work to try to stave off the stomach ache you're gonna have later from too much ibuprofen. And you hope that no one fucks with you at work because you have all the charm and patience of a rabid pterodactyl, and if anyone pisses you off you'll glare at them with a beady dinosaur eye before you snap their head off with your razor sharp beak, and then you have to hide a body.

Women learn all these things, and hopefully it serves us well. Day after day, year after year we push through and these lessons and others are like rocks in an invisible backpack weighing us down. We eventually get used to the weight. We may even thrive and forget that the pack is still there until we find D/s and realize why it feels so good to submit. We get to take off that pack and set it down!!

I love submitting to my Master, E. It's such a relief to let go of all the crap, all the lessons learned about coping in a man's world and just let him be the man. I love being just a woman with him. I can be silly, I can be sexy, I can be girly, I can be sweet and helpful - I can be all the things that I can't be in the professional world. And I'm appreciated for those things.

While it takes a good Dom to make a woman comfortable enough to submit, it is a privilege for a woman to find that one, and be able to set her burden down.

I see the term "sapiosexual" bandied about a lot on various sites by both men and women. I thought I understood it but I looked it up, just to be sure. According to several dictionary sites it means "sexual or romantic attraction to highly intelligent people."

Hmmmm, ok. What do people consider "highly intelligent" I wonder? Rocket scientist? Loves book clubs and talking about all the "important" books of the day? Able to converse in 3 languages and cuss in 5? What does this really mean to people?

Ok I'm generalizing here on the "highly intelligent" thing but you get my point.

I think intelligence comes in many different types. 

I love a man who is open to learning new things, regardless of his age.  To allow yourself to be a beginner at something takes a special mindset.

I do like some traditional intelligence in a man. I admit, subject-verb agreement turns me on lol. I appreciate a man who likes to read, regardless of what it is - ok well preferably not just porn, I'm thinking more of magazines or a Chilton's manual if he's not into books. 

I love it when a man can string words together in complete sentences with punctuation and everything. But I don't need a rocket scientist or a CEO or a PhD or anything like that.

There is emotional intelligence of course. I think most of us want someone with this type of intelligence.

There is also the common sense that life experience grants. I'm a huge fan of this one.

I really love when a man is good at working with his hands. That's an important type of intelligence to me.

I think we are all affected by our life experiences and this was something my dad has always been good at. He was a chemist by trade before he retired, but he also took care of the cars and turned the attic into another bedroom with a bathroom, for instance.  He could install wood flooring, put in a bay window, fix my bike, build a fence, etc.

I greatly respect men who can work with their hands, even more so now that I'm on my own and doing a lot of this type of stuff by myself.

I don't need a "highly intelligent" man. I do like an intelligent man though, who enjoys learning, and is hopefully good with his hands. Kindness is important though too. Smart is meaningless without the ability to be kind to others. Oh wait, my Master E has all these traits - go me for picking a good one :)