Ramblings

For the majority of my life, due to intense various trauma throughout my life, I felt like I needed to have someone in order to be happy. It usually ended with more trauma and a lower depth of depression.

Now, after years of therapy and staying by myself, I can proudly say that I don't need anyone. Do I want someone? Yes. It would be nice to:

Cuddle on those rainy days/nights(or all the cuddles all the times)

Pick out what my girl is wearing for the day and seeing her smile with happiness 

Brush her hair while she sits at my feet

Cut up her steak and feed it to her

Wash her hair in the bath

There's just so many things, more than I have time to list(at work) that I want someone to emotionally pamper. But, I don't need it to survive or to be happy in life. And that knowledge makes me happier than I have been in my entire life.

So 5 months ago I posted about changing positions due to health reasons(didn't realize it has been that long already). Just recently I finally had the required MRI to verify that indeed I have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a murmur, and ventricular tachycardia. The murmur and tachycardia I've known about. The HCM though...basically a genetic mutation that causes a wall in the heart to thicken, blocking the amount of blood that can enter the chamber and be pumped out(one of the several types of HCM). This condition also causes SCD, or Sudden Cardiac Death. There's no cure. Fun times lol! So that's the update for the health.

I come on here every so often and go through the personals out of curiosity. I have to say that based on what I read I continue to be happily single. I've come to realize that I really have no desire to deal with somebody else. There is no patience or drive within me to focus any of my time onto another individual. I would rather enjoy whatever little time I have left focused on me and doing what brings me joy. I'm much more relaxed and happier since I left the dating scene over a year ago, and that's more important to me. Will be going to Oregon next week to visit some friends and enjoy as many waterfalls and mountain hikes as I can! Anyways, enough rambling from me. Enjoy yourselves!

So before I was just working an insanely high amount of hours and really didn't have the time or energy to devote to a relationship of any type.

Now, for health reasons, I am on a more normal 40 hour week(at night though). And honestly? I still have no urge to get back into the pool. I like my freedom and lack of drama. I like not having to spend so much time interacting with someone else instead of doing something I want to do.

Will this change? Maybe, maybe not. Right now though, I'm happy. And that's what matters to me.

I'm almost 47 and I am considering getting snipped. This has been brought on by someone literally trying to use me as a sperm donor so they could give their best friend a baby who can't get pregnant herself. I wasn't cool with this manipulation, so it didn't end well. It got me thinking though. I don't want more kids, nor do I want something like this to be able to happen again.

So ladies. Would you prefer a guy who is snipped? If so, what are your reasons?

Gentlemen who have had the procedure. Were there any complications? Has it affected your orgasm in any way? Erections? What about mentally?

I appreciate any useful opinions and experiences, and thank you for your time.

I seriously need to get back into practice. Have been ignoring it for months, and it's showing in my mental health. Time to take charge and change that mentality. Back to daily practice, and relearning how to let go. I will improve myself.

I loooove the 100+ hour paychecks! I hate the 100+ hours...

Lol...that is all 😁

Yep. I love 'em! And if you're mine, you will have them. There will be some attempt at discretion if necessary for work(at the neck/shoulder joining where it can be covered by hair or shirt collar). If you wear boob revealing tops at work though, you're out of luck. I will put hickies all over your boobs, including the tops. Either accept that they will be showing, or wear a more covering top at work. I'm trying to put hickies everywhere. Boobs, pussy, inner thighs, butt cheeks, wrists, wherever. If you are mine then I am marking you as mine(in a non-permanent way)!

This is my personal opinion and preference.

I prefer women who use little to no makeup. When you start caking it on it damages your skin...and becomes deceptive of your appearance in my opinion. If it takes more than 10 minutes, you're wearing too much for me.

I also don't like filtered pictures. Let your natural beauty show! If I'm into you, you're going to be pretty to me! I want to fall asleep and wake up next to the same person who walks beside me during the day. Not two different looking people. Maybe I'm weird, but that's my preference.

Currently at work, start of an 11 hour day. It's foggy and dark, which is nice. I have the band Defiler playing. One of the things I like about my job is that I can listen to music all day. I'm a metalhead. Metalcore, Deathcore, Melodic Death, Symphonic Metal. Those are my mains, and they bring me peace and happiness.

The other thing I like about my job is that I get to see the sunrises. They aren't always spectacular, but I get to see them.

I'm grateful that I have a good paying job that's steady and has benefits, even if it's physically demanding and long hours.

I check the site periodically, so if anyone messages me don't be offended if you don't get an immediate reply. My work is dangerous and I have to focus on that. I work in a sawmill around machinery that can kill, maim, or injure in an instant. Respect that please and don't get uppity for no quick replies. I guess that's all for now.

What are you grateful for today?