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Chaotic and twisted thoughts of my mind

Hello all
I'm unsure if I should create a blog, my thoughts not all will understand, they may seem dark to some yet I find peace in who I am.
This journey is so very new to me and yet I am unsure if I will ever understand my self, yet I am finding peace and comfort in excepting myself.
I find myself writing down my thoughts that are constantly in my mind it helps calm the chaos.
I thought a blog may help me to better understand them.
2 years ago. February 5, 2023 at 3:26 PM

 

The good girl in me

She craves to be at your feet
She craves to feed 
Your every need
She craves that you need her
To be everything that you seek
She craves to please you
She craves to serve you
To worship her only desire
She craves you control her
She lays that at your feet
She longs for you as
The night does the stars
Her body calls for you
Longing for your touch
Twists and turns with desire
Your breath upon skin
Your voice that ecos
Through her mind
Her mind desires your thoughts
They calm the chaos of her mind
She hangs off every word
Mold her shape her
Allow her eyes
To see what you see
Her body she gives
Use as you desire
She is your toy
Your slut your good girl 
She sees your hunger
Your longing of control
Burns deep with in
She wishes to please
She must please your every need
That Is who she was born to be
Allow her to be the good girl
She needs to be 

Oh sweet darkness
My home thats far
From the light
The black wolf
That walks beside
Helping to guide me
Towards souls
That dwell in the night

A place that brings
Quiet and peace
Yet with darkness
Comes light
Light that shone
Through the darkest
Of night
It shines within the
Souls that live
Under the moonlight
Darkness has beauty
Creatures and souls
The light no longer there home
Beauty that can be seen
With out being told
It lingers with in them
It dwells in the soul
Come out from the shadows
Walk in the night
Allow the demons
The beasts to
Rejoice upon the moonlight
Where souls are free to 
Show their true light
For in darkness
I see light
The inner beast that
Must be allowed to
Take flight
Take my hand
Do not fear me dark soul
As I see your light
Dark soul allow 
Me to show you
How to dance upon
The moonlight
For there is unseen
Magic and beauty
To be found apon
The moonlight 

White lace dress
Once beautiful and clean
Now drags along the ground.
Torn tatterd shredded
It sings a simple song
A vison more beautiful
Then ever before
The girl who wears
Walks alone in the darkness
Only her black wolf
Her constant companion
By her side
Her journey has been long
Once lost among scars
Heartache hidden under
Clean white lace
A smile forced upon her face
With nothing out of place
Magic is held within
The darkness
Beauty that is timeless
And never out of place
Souls of beasts that linger
Deep with in

They hunger to be heard 
In darkness there is light
Their thoughts whisper
Through out the darkness
Something I find never
Out of place
The girl in the darkness
The one who seemed perfect
With the smile upon her face
Has found her home
She dances under the moonlight
In shredded lace
And mud upon her face

Lustfull desires
Unspoken words
The dwell in my soul
They linger and burn
They hunger and desire

Yet I find there are
No words to speak
Will you see
The unspoken words desires
That linger in my mind
A body so full of
Desire and undiscovered sin
It hungers for your touch
It craves to be
Taken devoured it
Burns deep with in
It runs like a river
through my veins
Yet only seeks one
He is my world
The one I dance upon
The moonlight
Where creatures of
The darkness take flight
No shame or judgement
Just untold souls
Pure dark yet light
They hold dark secrets
As they dance upon
The moonlight 

The darkness holds
Many a soul that speak
Hidden with shame 
The troubles and sadness
Heard through the night
They do not ask to follow
The shadows the lurk
Tormented thought's and beasts hidden
That dwell in there mind
Some have grown tired
Or lost there way with no light
I seek their presence
Burden me with your troubles
Whispers of worry and doubt
I see strength in your demons
Allow them flight
Let them dance with demons
That play at night
For there beauty in the darkness
Only seen by some
The unworthy will not see
What they make you become
Embrace that darkness
For I see your light
It dwells within you
Yet out of your sight
Let scars be seen
And felt by those who see
They hold no judgement
Of who you may be
Take my hand dark soul
Journey with me
Take sight of the demons
As the dance in the night
See that they are pure
And that they hold light

The darkness once is my home

New scars are found 

From the light the come

They dwell and hide 

They hide and wait to deceive 

Souls unwelcome, tainted 

Un pure, Lustfull, greedy 

Darkness that holds un trust 

Faces that hold intentions 

Not told nor seen

To follow with out thought

To follow with out knowledge 

To follow with admiration 

Trust given without question

Trust taken without thought 

Promises told and spoken

Through deceitful whispers 

Whispers that eco in my mind

Tales of truths to unfold

The black wolf holds secrets untold 

He leads me to learn 

He leads me to see what 

My eyes do not see 

Yet he never leaves my side 

My constant companion 

 

The darkness is my home.
I belive there is light to be seen in dark souls.
The beauty they hold yet has not been told.
A light hidden deeply.
Buried in the deapth of their souls.
Souls that love deeply and creatures of the night.
For these souls are magical and dance under the moonlight.
I look for my reflection in the water.
Once clear and clean.
Now all I see is blurred and unseen.
No path ahead to be seen.
My hart once long ago buried in the depth of the soil.
With rain it may grow, like a seed planted long ago.
The flowers that bloom in the darkness
Represent each hidden soul.
Their beauty is breathtaking and alluring.
I find light in the souls that dwell in the darkness.
There reflection to them also not clear.
Forever searching for something that may be near.
Yet they call to me as if whispers in the wind.
I find myself standing in your presence.
The black wolf walks by my side.
We followed your call.
As I stand before you I see beauty in the beast.
A allconsuming hunger needy yet strong.
I feel how it flows through you like a river of fire.
Yet I see that I am haunted, haunted by ghosts of the past.
Will you see a light that dwells inside.
Or just darkness that belongs in the night

I thought I'd have a go at this, I'm Definitely not a writer lol. Apologies in advance.

The day is drawing to a end, I've tried to keep myself busy while you work in the office.
My last task of the day is to clean the play room, this room is my favourite one in the house.
The room that allows Sirs fantasy's and desires run wild.

Where I give my mind and body and soul to him and allow him to play.
For they are his.
A room that takes me places that one could only dream to go.
The door opens with a slight creek, that little noise draws my mind straight to him.
I can always hear when you enter the room.
My eyes dart across the room, your collection of toys always amazes and excites me.
As I clean I get closer to your toy box, thoughts drift through my mind.
Lustfull and thirsty thoughts.
Showing me just how needy I can be.
Thoughts of you, and how you use your tools as if you where making art.
I open the box, my eyes glisten with excitement.
Yet a reminder lingers in my my mind.
These are Sirs tool, for his use only.
My eyes distracted by the ropes that hang on the wall, the feel of them in my hand makes my body tingle.
I run my fingers along them they remind me of silk on my skin.
Unforgiving at times but soft, I entwine my fingers through them the tightness it brings makes my body quake.
I remind my self that this is not the task that has been set.
My eyes go to a roller that has been left on the bench.
My thoughts drift once again.
These tools that you use cause pleasure and pain a form of release.
Feeding the hunger that lingers inside.
As I hold it in my hand,  it makes my mind run wild.
Tools that only belong in Sirs hands.
Thoughts run through my head, would it feel the same if I tried it instead?
I place my foot on a small stool , bend over and place the roller against my skin.
The feel of it cold and unforgiving against my skin.
When Sir uses the rollers, they set my senses on fire.
My body burns for him with desire.
A silent reminder of why these tools belong to him.
As I start to roll it on my leg, a feel a hand run up the inside of my thigh.
Slowly buy surly making its way up higher.
Yet no door creeked,
As this hand runs up my thigh the, other one runs up my back .
I feel him lean over me yet only his breath is heard.
His body preseed against mine.
A reminder of who I belong to.
His breath fills warm against my skin as my body softens, for its his touch that I yearn.
His hand has made it to the back of my neck
A soft growl can be heard, a sign of his hunger a desire a thirst for what is his.
His to take anytime that please's him.
A desire that makes me bight my lip.
A growl that makes me week at the knees and overly wet
A single word is said
"Kitten"
Nothing more and nothing less.
The silence seems to feel like for ever.
Only your breath on my neck.
Your hand that once ran up my tigh, now notices that I'm wet.
" needy kitten, those toys are for my hands not yours"

Your shadow in the darkness
I found alluring
It's light catching my eye
Yet Glimpes only caught
I follow on with my journey
Holding myself back from getting to close
Yet you appeared more frequently
As if you where calling to me
Beckoning me towards you
My reflection in the water
Reminding me of who I am
Allowing me to find courage
The will towards moving forward
To find the light that calls me
A silent voice that whispers
Through the tress
Soft and peaceful
I find comfort in you light
And warmth in your hand
A warmth I have not allowed
Myself to feel
There is beauty in your darkness
A presence strong yet kind
This journey new and exciting
Allowing you to guide me
Trusting that you will
show me the way
To worship at your feet my only desire
To please you, to be your every desire
Yet when I stumble, all I find is darkness

A warmth now grown cold
The light I once found in you gone
Confusion sets in
The hand the once held out in kidness

Now gone

Left with questions and no answers

 silence and choas all the remain 
Your presence has become
one with the dark again
Yet no light to be seen
Lost and unknown
Searching for what I do not know

I followed your shadow in the darkness
A light that had intreged me
Words whispered in the wind
Dark soul will you hear me
What do you seek and yearn
Will your words fall upon my soul
Words not heard by others
Words ment for one
I find you in the darkness
Still and calm dark yet beautiful
My Words fail me as I try to find
Strength
A Strength I know dwells inside
Why do you run?, I find you ask
I run from scars from the past
A pain not want to be felt again
Hidden hurt yet to be set free
Your Words drift into my soul
You do not fear the darkness
Yet you fear loves scars
I draw closer finding your wisdom
In your words
A reminder of who I am
A strong wind blowing through the trees
I feel my fears fade away
Like the wind once  so strong
Now calm
Trust so long not given
Returned to you
No urge to run from fears
Of lost  loves hurtful scars
I draw closer to your light
With trust and faith 
Two lights that shine so bright
You fade into the shadows
My mind plagued with thoughts
Chaos runs through my mind
The darkness My once safe place
The black wolf stands by my side 

 My constant companion faithful and strong

 




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