the grassy knoll

my heart is laying 

steady

slowly 

beating 

fragile 

at your feet 

your sweet nothings are 

exactly that 

so sweet 

yet nothing 

not a promise 

or an adoration 

some simple admitance 

never treading farther than can't be undone 

explained 

the line is there and it is bold 

and angry 

everything that we ignore 

god I wish so badly you had come to see me 

even just to lay listless 

and hear you 

I could weep

at the distance 

but it has been months since I cried over you

utlimately 

no one holds a candle to you, babe 

the butterflies and peace of mind 

sliding through me 

like you should be 

if there ever comes a day when the brush of your fingertips graces my skin 

I may just crawl out of it 

I don't know of a better way to sort myself out than just free writing it out of my addled mind. A thousand thoughts a minute and at least half are of you. I know i am just a silly girl, lost in her feelings, but I think I fell for you immediately. 

My heart, my body, my soul cires out to feel you near again, but regardless of the future I know I am not easy. The path never smooth. but it's mine, not one lost to time or addiction, but the call of my heart. I suppose there is only so much regret in that. 

As my mind dreams, the possibilities that lay before us seem endless. 

I just want to lay in your arms and listen to you. 

When it's all I want to do. 

Show you my tits 

and homemade poptarts 

Beg for you to cum inside me 

while I watch you stroke 

The Monolith 

of my lust 

god you really have ruined me 

your hand on my throat as good as a collar 

the rasp in your voice wrapping me tighter 

around your thick, calloused fingers 

coaxing adoration from my core 

No other answer for our insatiabilities 

than more

more 

more

in your veritable river of desire 

nothing satiates like 

you pouring yourself out 

to fill me up

to the brim

tangled between blankets and under sheets 

knotted to each other knowing 

that time is short 

sweet

forbidden 

but this is the only one we have 

something that I keep reminding myself 

not quite a mantra but 

a comforting thought 

even if there is no time 

moving forward 

is the only way through 

through without you

dangling in the eaves and 

hoping that we don't 

drop 

out of each others peripherals 

your tender reassurance 

has me contemplating 

my permanence 

who am I

even

to you? 

an entertaining thought 

a mistaken identity 

just a girl

in the world 

floating around and 

yet here we collide 

heads butting 

into the wall 

back deep into that dark night

though nothing has changed 

there will be no 

same 

trudgery and drudgery

we soldier on

marked 

exsanguinated 

as the gods have fated it 

since dawn

how foolish of my silly thoughts to run away

into a false light of hope 

and down a path of fantasy

of course 

of course 

don't wait for me 

because I am off doing my own thing babe

when you least expect it 

creeping along down a path alone 

the crunch of the leaves the 

disrupt of the breeze 

will lead your hands 

to my heart

and I will cry out

for you to be gone 

and then we'll realize 

that it's time to sit right here 

and stay a while 

maybe your fingerprints

align the curves of my shattered places

bonding together that which was never missing 

but nearly broken

the fragility of each drop 

of my humanity

is especially fragrant 

in what could possibly be the middle of my life

maybe other people do hold a place dear

worth the pain of knowing 

how much we all fail to be 

what we wish we had 

swallow me whole 

and see how I come out the other side

hopefully for the better

I used to weep

at all the little things 

that made me smile 

now it's only when I think of you

oh but I am not allowed
these rampant nothings

to what end?
inevitably my own
unhealthy
and unhinged

I would die in your arms and call it true love.