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The Grassy Knoll

roll around in my head with me
1 day ago. July 21, 2024 at 2:20 AM

if you had two of her now 

so that you were never without 

what would you do? 

 

I can't stop considering the sadness of such a fond thought

now that such love is lost 

and you're crawling 

quickly

grasping

at the end of my chain

 

we may be aligned in the stars 

but it makes no sense 

to give a shit 

when there are far more important things 

for my mind to tend to

than thoughts of 

your reign

3 days ago. July 18, 2024 at 3:28 PM

they really aren't helping anything 

but there they are 

taunting me with our compatbility 

 

a day in the life 

of waking up to you

around you

and begging for the taste of you

to break my fast 

and sustain my morning 

hands around my skull

whispering husky nothings 

and allowing me to melt into your skin

 

as we go our seperate ways

throughout our responsible days 

the tease and taunt 

of appreciation 

for our respective roles

desires

structuring time around your movements 

 

stretching the fabric of reality to align us entirely

while time maybe be a construct 

you are a monument 

to everything a man should be 

 

aware and alert

compassionate and flawed 

every inch of your soliloquoy has entranced me entirely

maybe it's just that I know what I want now 

 

and we're both a specific brand of desire 

ebbed 

and set to flow in full force by the end of the day

washing over us like a sigh of relief and we lay back and let the smoke encircle the room

blowing you out like a candle 

has got to be the best way to end the day

that I'll likely never know 

`
1 week ago. July 9, 2024 at 2:23 AM

that is always the 

goddamn cliche

way of it all

 

the least important part of our lives is that we're perfect for each other 

or we're just mirroring what we want to see in someone who is willing to match our freak 

I can't quite tell 

All I know is that I want to hear more of your voice 

Crawl inside of it and take a nap

 

The inevitable fucking 

will probably come sooner than we think 

We're both pretty good at this game. 

3 weeks ago. June 27, 2024 at 2:05 PM

lonesome

maybe it's genetic

a long line of 

misunderstood

miscreant 

addled 

assholes

self important 

righteous and appointed 

maybe we've earned it 

though I am left 

rejoicing in solitude

while forlorn at the echos of my heartstrings

resonating 

through the sorrows i've forgotten to keep track of 

washing over me 

when I least expect 

to need a break

 

yeah yeah

everything is fine 

dont think 

too much about it all

it'll happen regardless

and if I just do it

it would be done already

but if I'm doing everything 

including myself

then what use do I have 

for anyone else 

3 weeks ago. June 24, 2024 at 4:15 PM

is that I want to be the fetish

craving 

unstatiable desire

just me 

whoever that is 

1 month ago. May 23, 2024 at 4:33 AM

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sense

sensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesensesense

2 months ago. May 11, 2024 at 10:41 PM

but over and 

over 

and over again

please 

and thank you

 

I've never made eye contact with anyone else 

definitely not this often

the infinite moment when you reach the deepest parts of me 

and linger 

increasing the need for you 

and fulfilling it all at once 

screaming and shouting is forbidden 

but you want to hear me 

and there are inescapable moments of ecstasy 

where you overtake me entirely

and get what you want 

no will left of my own 

 

 

2 months ago. May 10, 2024 at 12:40 AM

I want to reach out 

but I won't

it always ends the same 

I miss you

but it's dumb 

and I miss everyone 

 

Connection isn't all that rare

but people who value it are

I thought you

we did 

 

I don't know 

I suppose it doesn't really matter 

2 months ago. April 30, 2024 at 10:31 AM

Not that there's anything wrong with that. 

Solitude is where we find ourselves, 

or so the pensive like to say 

Being lonely offers you a distinct perspective

 

I'm not though

Lonely

Overwrought

disorganized

Slightly confused most of the time to be honest with you

Not really lonely though

Off put

by humanity as a whole 

would probably be more apt

 

Though I often find myself seeking connection

Life is much more comfortable without it 

Like missing your mom

when she never really acted like one 

in those universal moments where we all long for her 

the feeling doesn't prompt you to ring her up like some would never hesitate to do 

 

people tend to laugh a lot 

when I talk

or tell stories

but you would have to bind and drag me on stage to perform comedy

which is the same way I feel about dating now 

prospectives love to talk about effort 

"show me you care"

honey, I don't 

and it's going to take a lot to change that 

 

honestly the connection I long most for is community

knit bond together through sheer intimacy 

i find myself reaching out as much as possible to my people 

spread far and thin

because forging bonds out of desperation

is troped out for me 

 

There are humans out there 

I know 

Who could bond and relate 

But the exhaustion of socialization 

is something I'm reserving for game days and birthday parties at this point 

Reveling in briefness of expanding solitude 

 

3 months ago. April 18, 2024 at 4:21 PM

or the feelings? 

I've never really been able to determine 

the root cause 

though I am aware of some sort of dysfunction

as I like to say with music 

I don't have that great of an ear 

Definitely know when something is off 

Though not sure where to go from there

 

Maybe we try something new this time 

Grab ahold of the fear and discordant chaos 

Eh

Maybe we don't 

Peace and a chance to breathe

Deeply 

Delved into myself 

No one else 

Interloping 

Interfering 

Exerting their power 

However subtle and soft 

 

Constant distaste and dissatisfaction 

Through no flaws or faults 

Except my own? 

I am a good person

Who deserves love 

But does that mean I must accept all the love I am offered?

How spoiled a thought 

To have love enough to turn away 

 

As I think so little of myself to take whatever could be offered 

Because there will be nothing else 

that softens my gaze 

curls the corners of my mouth slowly into a reluctant 

blush-cheeked 

smile

but the need to evoke the romantic. On sight. 

Tripping over myself to worship them as one would god

Not the consolation of trust and attention