The Grassy Knoll

at least not just once 

the relief found in 

admittance 

will not suffice 

if I can't see you

at least twice 

convince myself 

that feelings are fleeting 

and the blush on the rose 

will fade rather quickly this time of year 

but you 

exude a difference 

and the buzzing 

entangled feeling

as numbers glide 

and bruises fade 

I find myself missing you

Maybe I've made a huge mistake 

and the pattern that I find myself 

repeating 

stuttering over 

again

leave me craving gallons more 

to drown in your gaze

teasing 

taunting 

bad behavior 

reality should be half a sweet

maybe we're still kids 

giggling under the sheets while eager fingers

search for the sweet spot 

longing just for your laughter

now longing for release 

the sweet sounds of your pleasure 

the ringing in my ears 

pulsing of my pussy

reaching out 

tangled up in your reassurance 

and the risks 

we're both so eager to take 

I seem to be a glutton 

Acting out and 

Rashly 

Ripping my way through rebound after 

Fucking rebound 

Attention seeking 

but less of a whore 

and more of a scared and timid outsider 

Teetering alone, wallflowered 

As though it were a cliff's edge 

And I am brooding and Dickensian 

Forgetting myself 

Behaving selfishly

Though to great personal detriment 

Far too obstinate for guidance 

I should be at peace but within myself is never quieted. 

A never ending stream of questions and possibilities begging for attention. 

Not everything needs to be solved right now, but I suppose conditions are prime for clarity. 

Maybe I should lean back into a bit of mysticism for direction. 

somehow all of these people who say their interest stems from reading my profile thoroughly are not in their literacy era. 

not looking. don't ask. 

far too emotionally volatile to engage in anything at the moment. and generally otherwise occupied. 

Oh, to love 

Be loved 

Of all the mundane plateaus 

none of you

as much as I'd love for it to be enough

I have such little faith

and less room in my heart

to suffer a fool

So many things have been free falling through my head as of late. It's hard to hold anything still long enough to process it completely but I'm doing my best. 

Dominance is intriguing. The level of trust where you can completely let go and know that adversity will not inevitably follow. Leveling my own control over certain situations also seems to be mandatory for me. I wish I could explore without causing pain. 

Is it love or am I satisfied? 
touch drunk and totally mystified 

questioning everything
 denying myself at every turn

survival may bring a sweet bliss
ideally shared 

tangled and tripping over each other along the way.

So deep in my emotions, just the thought of Cameron Diaz made me tear up. I could elaborate but why not just leave it at that. 

I can’t wait to even out. But it’s nice to feel again.