the grassy knoll

oh but I am not allowed
these rampant nothings

to what end?
inevitably my own
unhealthy
and unhinged

I would die in your arms and call it true love.

it is simply not possible 

for us to dive so deeply into each other 

the simplicity of time and space 

stretching so thin between us 

should be enough to dampen the flames

but the fire rages on

consuming me entirely 

disallowing free thought

will

being

trapped beneath your memory

gasping at the futility of it all

he's a storm

and you're a garden

for so long i've waited to feel at home 

all thoughts of you

are a toruture

to every cell of my being 

the aching dream

of running my hands up and down your thighs

burying your cock

into my soul

the back of my throat a mere

consolation prize 

flopping 

and flipping 

wistfully dreaming of softer things 

dragging you around the world 

to all of the stunning places 

just to see the look in your eyes 

I was unaware that someone could exist so beautifully 

and unaware

admitting it yourself in the first step

so they say

but you should know that I adore you

the yearning to lay myself at the mercy of  your will 

an offering 

opportunity

te quiero mucho, lover boy

nothing really explains 

that first intimacy 

with no hold barred 

and complete explosure between two souls 

we shared a phone 

passwords

accounts 

emails 

identities 

there was no clear distinction between one diety or the other 

but the worship we held for 

each other 

was tangible 

sour sticky sweet

 and oh so real

nothing really explains 

why nothing gold can stay 

but we are held fast and tight 

to the human ideals that surround us 

and influnce our biology on a traumatizing level 

whether our hearts 

ebb and flow with the moon and sun we are 

captured 

here on earth

by the soil and salt 

until we are reclaimed

and made whole 

so vibrant and alive 

maybe I'm smitten 

but maybe I'd never survive 

if you looked at me like that 

As if 

a sick and ridiculous dream

there is nothing

within me that could evoke 

such tenderness 

from someone like you 

how she can't see whats right in front of her 

should be a capital offense 

though you put on a good show 

there is no pretending 

as words on a page 

as soon as the literate eye is met 

deciphers and devoured 

deeply felt and wholly understood 

nevertheless we persist

fodder for my broken ego

and i'm sure yours too 

meanwhile, the slow seep of surrender is my ultimate betrayal 

it's always safer to place losing bets

through the eons of existence 

the consistency of fate 

rebounds consciousness 

why can't that be what it is this time? 

total nonsense 

inexplicable 

fate 

i'll hate you the moment you walk into the room 

my most ardent hope

that it will

melt away in an instant 

and i can hug you tight and warm

without puking 

or burping! 

indelicate

anxious indigestion 

truly, i am the bravest girl in the world 

to allow the indulgence of human emotion

unprecendent and uncalled for 

But we forge ahead and through uncharted territory grasping for significant beyond the individual 

The 

Individual

The Man 

A prime specimen of one, at that 

we aren't allowed to think about that! 

not anymore 

one thing at a time 

health

care 

home and 

wealth care 

love only fits in where it falls 

into each other and ourselves and 

ideally 

not through the cracks 

and back into the past 

if only a heart could break all at once 

rather than wilting slowly as a well tended flower 

each petal falls and another shattered panel of good memories has tumbled along with it 

where i had found peace and joy

for the first time 

was mirage 

illuysionary and 

cruel

if only people could leave well enough alone 

is it that impossible to depart with good intentions?

maybe something inside of me has been so fouled along the way 

this is as i am

compounded down into a small enough piece

of mind 

that you carry with you always 

fulfillment in service 

of you

there is something disheartening in knowing 

ignorance may be bliss 

after all 

cradled in strong arms 

father time has whisked us awake 

and far beyond the comprehension of mortals

there is a boundless nothing that 

inescapes 

the limited mind 

voided 

and packaged for return 

there is nothing worse 

than not being allowed back

home 

where your heart knows that you belong 

is a place that doesn't 

exist 

on this plane 

no matter how far you 

might want to

fly 

grounding can keep 

eyes on the horizon 

and traction

propulsion can be 

formulaic 

while interaction

is beyond calculation

comprehensive 

without form and 

void 

throughout 

a residual tone 

as it echos 

out to no one 

There's so much I would just come out with. If it were different. In so many ways. 

Why can't I let you know what I want?

Is it because I dont fucking know at all? 

You, it's all of you though.

All or nothing, baby. I don't know any other way. 

Consume me entirely. Don't leave a scrap left to share. 

There isn't a part of me that wouldn't benefit from being affected by you

Your touch

Your sounds 

Smells 

The magnetic pull of your orbit is sucking me dry

As I resist every turning of the tide 

Without you

How can you rest, when you're bookended in misery

and the presence of demise 

Even as I bare my soul before you

Laid at your feet like some sort of sacrifice 

To the turmoil you've endured 

All just to make you grin

Giggle 

Gravitate away from the pressures and pains you pile up on yourself 

With intention and purpose 

God you're so fucking hot 

You might know of your appeal 

But do you know what appeals to me?

As you embody each Vitruvian aspect of my dreams 

Unaware of yourself 

Yet still controlled in your wild ways 

A partner should be a safe space in which you can set yourself free. 

Regardless of how life molds and changes 

Through the waves of time we are worn and caressed.

How rare that we are meant to move at the same pace as those who we find ourselves attached 

however tenuously 

to in our endeavors and decisions. 

A partner should hold us in high regard, as a reflection of the self 

A reflection

of the self 

and their esteem

forever degraded and dragging through the mud of the past that

will never be severed

Projections and protections

Meaningless in the face of eternity 

Fuck happyness 

I'm pursuing peace 

of heart

of mind 

in this house 

We're running full speed towards ambition with our flowy skirts on

Twirling through meadows of success 

Sun in our hair as we crest the peak of fulfillment 

Run your hands over the hills 

Through the woods 

And hold onto the trees

Because here we fucking go