It's a new day

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} - What is your why?
- It’s a values thing I suppose.

How did your journey start?
- I started with research.

How did you know you were dominant/submissive?
- Months of self assessment and a deeper understanding of submission.

What attracts you to a dominant/submissive lifestyle?
- Clear expectations. Structure. Communication.

How did you know this lifestyle was for you, over say a vanilla relationship?
- I was infinitely disappointed in the level of commitment from previous relationships and found solutions oriented communication unwelcome.

If you're submissive, what motivates you to serve and submit each day?
- Trick question? This assumes I have a Dom to serve daily but I’m a submissive with or without a Dom. I am submissive whether I choose to submit and serve someone or not. But when I do have a Dom, I am motivated by my desire to achieve something greater than I could individually. Also… I have a praise kink so being lavished with all the “good girls” is a delicious treat.

Do you ever just not want to?
- Yes.

And if so, how do you navigate that?
- Depends on why I don’t want to. Because I am generally compliant and obedient resistance is usually a sign that something is wrong. It could be trauma or anxiety but it isn’t because I intend disrespect. So it is best navigated with patience and investigation- though sometimes I don’t respect my needs enough to create space for them and in those moments I just do what I’m told. (Not recommended.)

plussizebrunette​(sub female) - Can definitely relate to your answer to how do you navigate when you just don't want to. Trauma or anxiety can be crippling sometimes.

cutiepatootie​(sub female) - Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses. Not a trick question, I haven't really considered or understood the idea of being a sub without a Dom. What I'm noticing is, that rather than being actions and service, it sounds like a way of being for you (and having a sense of who you are and what you need). I love the compassion and patience you have with yourself to know what's really going on when you meet resistance, rather than punishing yourself (or being punished) through it to gain obedience.

I too am drawn to clear expectations and boundaries, and that makes a lot of sense to me. And 100% love praise, so nice to know I'm not alone in that! This is so helpful :)

ozark hiker girl​(sub female){Owned by E} - I ran across D/s in fiction, I had run across it as a young woman but didn't explore it then. I realized as my last marriage was going down the tubes that I was purposely choosing weak men and I was EXHAUSTED from being in charge all the time because I hated it. I did research on this and other sites, and finally joined this site with the intention of learning more. I was lucky enough to find E, he is a wonderful trainer.

I love submitting to E. It gives me peace and I feel supported. So far I haven't felt like NOT submitting beyond when I've been ill and/or exhausted but E understands that life gets in the way that way when we're separated by distance.

cutiepatootie​(sub female) - I love this, thank you for your thoughts. I'm glad you have found E, and a sense of peace through submission.
It is an interesting thought that we are curious about BDSM because we notice a need that isn't being met. I totally relate to the exhaustion and wanting someone else to take the lead! I'm so grateful for finding this site.

sexycurves​(sub female) - Some good questions. I'll be here looking for answers too ☺️

Bunnie - “What is your why?”
This is how I relationship and experience love on a level that is truly nourishing and satisfying to who I am as a person.

“How did your journey start?”
By placing one foot in front of the other. Baby steps. And it continued by following the breadcrumbs.

“How did you know you were dominant/submissive?”
I didn’t. I didn’t even know what those terms meant. People have always told me what it is they see me as, and I learned early that that’s how it works. We each bring out a different energy in each other and between us. Stepping into that role, however, is where I discovered that submission nourishes my soul.

“How did you know this lifestyle was for you, over say a vanilla relationship?”
My desire for an imbalance of power.

“If you're submissive, what motivates you to serve and submit each day?”
Love, adoration, respect, duty, responsibility to uphold my promises, an innate desire to give.

“Do you ever just not want to?”
Yes.

“And if so, how do you navigate that?”
With self-honesty.
To me it’s all about mindset.
Acceptance.
This is where the importance of working continuously on mindset becomes invaluable. Learning to serve with enthusiastic acceptance will help as a reminder when there are those moments one just doesn’t feel like it. I remind myself that I have made a commitment and a promise. I am there by choice, always. Communication on an ongoing basis to prevent things like resentment or anxiety or misunderstandings.
It’s those moments that show how sturdy the foundation is that you’ve built on… which is also a great opportunity to see where it needs some focus and strengthening.

cutiepatootie​(sub female) - I can hear such authenticity shining through, I really appreciate your thoughts. It sounds like so much happens in the mind, and with personal inner work, before anything else. Thank you for your thoughts!

MarloweS​(dom male) - I started my journey through natural inclination, starting with holding a partner by her throat, and some light slapping and hairpulling. She loved it. Over time, I sort out partners who desired 'rougher' sex and who wanted to explore their sexuality (not just as a submissive, but as a sexual, sensual female).

I gravitated to dominance, and didn't feel inclined to switch or be dominated. Aside from the physical roughness, I find it a deeply intimate experience.

I'm not sure I would say I was specifically attracted to Ds as a lifestyle per se. I see that the way I play is authentic and natural. If there is an attraction, it's to the pleasure and intimacy that the Ds dynamic has (in potential at least).

I've tried to return to vanilla relationships before, but the sexual side of vanilla just doesn't feel natural to me. On the plus side, introducing a 'vanilla' partner to kink and having comments, such as "you make me feel like a woman again," suggests where my talents are and who make suitable life (or play) partners.

CanBiWife​(dom female) - I would love to tell you my story … and hear yours

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