Slave Think

Let's talk about autonomy; a sense of self beyond who you are to others. A single flower in a meadow of wild blossoms. 

Most don't know, as for myself I also didn't know until it was set in stone, I am creating a life. Once a single flame on the mantle now a fire in the hearth I am a catalyst of a new soul. 

The journey has be rough like a cats tongue, too short and sweet to ever actually commit to memory, I already morn the loss of movement within me. The flutter of little wings against my spine. 

Behind the sense of wholeness this new experience has filled me with the awareness of the incoming loss of autonomy. A single feather on the pheasants tail, part of a beautiful mural to help bring balance to the birds flight. 

Will I still be me when this being leaves my body and becomes a whole themselves? Or will I loose myself; my individuality that makes me aquamarine in a sea of green. 

Will my collar still have meaning? Or will I become just another single who has blended into the crowd contributing to the economy of this world. 

I have decided that regardless of how I have grown and changed in these last 9 months, how my heart has grown bigger and will soon have an extention outside my own body in the form of separate sweet small star; I will remain me. 

I will remain a soul who shines with their own light and helps reveal the way for others whom come into my life and I will stay a whole person. A little. A slave. I will always be who I was and who I am; only now I see my love in a physical form that will smile at me in the purest sense.

And I am so excited to meet him in 2 more weeks. He will be here, outside my body and within my arms. 

And I will always and forever be me. 

-Pandaish

I spoke of an island once...

Alone I stood waiting for someone to want me. 

I was asked to visit someone else's island recently.. it was beautiful..filled with love and passion and all it did was remind me of what I'll never truly have.  

So I'll stay on my little island..surrounded by the crystal clear water; the shimmering water blue as the open sky, taunting it tells me we are friends..

Watching the sun set once again as I see the lights start to illuminate the surrounding islands; I hear their joy.. their laughter and I envy them. 

Only after I was asked to leave that other island did I really understand that I was just...an entertainment. Someone to give that island a little variety. I was never...really welcome there. 

Only after I was asked to leave that island did I realize how lonely I was and how much of, a wasted battle it was trying to find somewhere that had room for me.

I give up. I will build my wall of sand and shale, to keep my heart safe. I will watch through my windows all the wile, cementing myself in.

In a little glass case sits my heart...dimly glowing after all the hardship it has endured..I must protect it. 

Joy no longer exists..the little things like the little animals that shared my island used to be enough to not feel so alone.. now I see them and realize.. they're not alone as I, they have families to return to..people who want them around.. 

As I unplug the lights to my island.. I sit in the darkness; the only glow like an ember of a flame if my little heart, bearly keeping itself alive. 

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to...melt onto the sea and become foam. I don't want to sit here anymore haunted by the laughter of the other islands..

If you see my little island, suddenly appear in the dark as you navigate this ocean, grant me one mercy....

Please....

Leave me be... 

I can't anymore. 

-Panda.

I scream in silence. 

The white snow blankets the bare ground. 

No sound is noticed. 

Let's talk about growth; the peach tree in my childhood backyard; a viridian green canvas with blooms of yellows, oranges and reds. 

Like this tree, I was once plain. My branches covered in the leaves of my life experiences I began to wonder when I will ever produce a fruit; a memory or an experience that I will never forget, my colors swirling on the velvet smooth surface.

Vibrant is what I am ready for now, but that doesn't mean I don't like my green leaves that laint my body. Each is a story, a chapter in my life that shows who I am and what I am about. 

Each day that passes I gain another leaf full of images and scents and sounds that create the fundamental base for memories. And I treasure each one for they are a part of me. 

I have the two best caregivers that nurture and water me, encouraging me to grow even taller, stronger, to produce more beautiful juicy fruit.

My Daddums who tucks me in a night and makes sure I get my rest and am full of nutritional experiences that help me learn what it means to feel safe. 

My Master who shows me the elegance that is complete submission and the absolute love that comes with such a role. He shows me who I can be as a person and helps me push through that uncomfortable process that is the soul of growth. 

I am like the little peach tree in the back yard of my childhood home, under the great oak it still sits to this day. I see it now and again and remember the day I planted it. It was small, and weak and new; now it is strong and big and so beautiful. 

My growth is like that little tree; against all odds it survived but not only survived; nay it thrived. I see it sometimes in my minds eye; it is me and I am it. As I start to produce thoes beautiful fist sized fruit, warmed by the suns rays; sweet and filling. I am so greatful for my caretakers. 

Without them...I would still the sad little twig of a tree with bearly enough life to produce a single peach. 

Thank you to my Master, Max Heathen and to my Daddums MedicineMan. 

You have helped me bloom and grow and I will never ever stop repaying that care.

Forever in a submission of the heart, body, mind and soul- I will grow. I will reach for the stars as they shine above my head just out of reach.

-Pandaish

Let's talk about Love; a grapefruit sky filled with whipped cream clouds. Slow, deep feelings that no matter what happened you know you will always and forever have someone to call your person. 

This type of love has hardships and pain and because of this has grown deeper then the roots of an ancient redwood tree; strong and nourished it feeds from the very earth you share. 

This type of passion was started from a small ember, dull and warm and has since grown a strong endless flame, matured into a fine brandy as it burns down your throat; carmal and wood.

The type of patience that is calm and soft; a freshly wind dried sheet warmed by the sun. Soft and gentle is folds around you keeping you safe from the demons you run from, the ones that chase. 

Marriage to your DD Dom, even after years of hardships and petty fighting, is still the most wonderful you have ever known.

You are treated as an equal, communicating and doing your best to be the best partners. A pair of swans forever together on the pond of life.

You are treated as a little, small and pure, you are cared for in the way you've always needed and loved the way you desurve. 

You, together are learning life through all its difficulties and all its joy. And this bdsm journey is another chapter in our lives that will help us grow into the technicolor roses we strive to be. 

I love my DD, My husband in live and my partner I have chosen to be with everyday of my life. 

On thoes days, when we look at each other in the eyes and wonder how we ended up here I promise you; I will remember the joy and happiness we have and will continue to have. I will be yours forever, learning and growing together; striving to be the best us we can be. I will always be by your side encouraging you to chase your dreams. 

I love you my dear husband, my DD, my best friend, and I swear to you, I will always give you all that I can, all that I am. 

-Pandaish

Let's talk about soul bonds; though the burning sands of time in the endless circle of the universe the crimson red ribbons of fate have bound us.

Reborn we are over and again, souls searching the infinite depths of life searching for one another; a twin flame among forest fire run rampant. 

For much of our lives we search for that other the matching flames in which you desperately crave. The lone swan in search if it's forever mate, crying into the darkness begging for an answer. 

Like the oceans rise and fall with the moon we, souls, beings of light an dark, move and flow with time in its ever-going loop. We adjust to new obstacles and adapt to hardships, amazing creatures we are, and yet..

All we ever want is a person(s) to love us for whom we truly are inside, in all of our joy and pain. In all of our sorrows and anger. In all of our pleasures and peeves. A leaf on a tree perfectly blocking the sun from your eyes. 

To be blessed with such an opportunity is like being blessed with a child; rare and commonly given to thoes whom don't deserve it.

When I am faced with a chance meeting...a string of kind words that caress your cheek with such tenderness it makes you want to cry, I will not squander it. I will always work hard to become better, a better person; kinder and more understanding. A better partner; patient and open. A better soul; pure and simple. 

This is my promise to you Master. 

I will always work hard to make you proud. I will always be kind and listen to your plights, I will always serve you fully to calm your waring soul. I will always bring you joy by being myself. 

I will always love you for all that you are and what you still have to become. 

This slave loves her Master. 

-Pandaish

Let's talk about blessings; small as a simple shell on the beach, beautifully hidden amongst the sand and sea glass, dazzling as it reflects the buring sun. 

Sometimes blessings show themselves in compassionate likeness; a passion of words, spinning like a spell in the air, they melt and form into an image so incredibly vivid; a gypsies ribbon on the purple moor. 

They come and take months to see; a shadow following, in every corner they wait for you to reach out your hand of light and meet them halfway. They are there, if you are willing to see and grasp them. 

There is a beautiful complexity in a person; a never ending canvas, different colors schemes for different phases of our lives, how unique every single one is, how exquisite. With complexity comes loneliness; a waltz in an abandoned ballroom only the single swish of movement can be heard. 

Until at one moment there are hands around your waist, warmth against your back; a flame in a hearth on a snowy winters evening. There is hot breath upon your ear, a hand around your throat; a cool glass clear pool on a summers day. 

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes; a light touch on your cheek, a strong fist in your hair. There are thoes we have yet to discover and yet to earn and that is the elegance in blessings. They are infinite. 

I have found my most recent blessing in my Master and my Beast; a compassionate set of arms to keep me warm and a frighteningly sharp set of claws to keep me safe.

If this Slave is to never get another blessing in her life, if she has forsaken the being of all beings then so be it. For she had her Master and her Beast, and then home in which their arms incircled is all I have ever wanted, had ever hoped for. If I were to get anything more at all; they would a blessing. 

-Pandaish 

Let's talk about loneliness, in a room full of people; a turtle doves woeful call not answered. There is something about feeling alone; a darkness at the edges of your heart that you feel constantly. 

There are some days when it's ok, when you can smile and joke, but then,

You feel it. At the edges of your conscious mind; blackness. 

You see it. I'm the faces of your friends as the lovingly gaze into eachothers eyes; pain. 

It consumes you. As a ravenous beast inhales it's most recent kill; blood stains it's maw, merciless. You can't fight it, you're not strong enough. It's claws fuse to your bones and meld with your muscle. 

Skin to skin: a canvas of splicing.

Sinew to sinew: you won't ever escape. 

A simple emotion...defined plainly yet when one tries to show someone or explain in words it always falls short. Exhausted, you stop trying to explain, to reach out to others.

Eventually, a simple touch on the arm, can cause the tears to fall. 

Loneliness is something I fight with constantly. I wonder if there will ever be a day, where I don't feel this way, and I accept that there won't. 

-Pandaish

I have this dream where I am stranded on an island; small and searing with the sun; not merciful. The sound of emptiness and waves.

I sing out lines or prose, rhymes and rhythms, beats and melodies. A prayer to anyone who can see and hear me, as I sing... for someone.

Anyone. 

I beg for someone to stay; to be here with me or take me away; a bird eloping through the sky in an intricate dance of forever vows. 

Don't visit me here on this lonely island, don't come to view the beauty and experience the wildlife and leave me..here.

Alone.

On this island, as the sun sets each day I realize how close I am to so may other islands, some bustling with laughter and life. And I realize that thoes passing through...already had an island all their own. 

No one was going to save me from this island... I just had to hope someone decided that what it had to offer...meager as it may be.. was enough. 

-Pandaish. 

On most years I consider it a nominal tradition; a bench in a park year after year used and neglected. 

For one year is was the worst day of my life; a scar on a tree only causing a knot to forever form. 

This year I stayed busy and happy, today is just as another; I became redundant, serving all to numb my mind from the pain lurking in the shadow of the mountain of pleasure. 

This year....I might be happy; growth from the caterpillar to the butterfly I gasp as the breath of new joy wells within bursting from lungs a melody of....me.

Dare I embrace this feeling.. this radiating glow that has become overwhelming? Dare I embrace my lust? Dare I beg for it. 

All I want...is to be used.  I want to he the party favor you'll never forget.

I want to serve. 

I need to serve. 

Please, Master, allow me to be who I am, a hot slut with a desire to please in every way. 

"Blow out the candles." Master whisper in my ear. " What do you wish for?" He asks.

Dare I? Dare I speak?

-Pandaish