Mindspace

A piano playing gently: sweet cotton candy pillows as your head lays down. You embrace the wings of angels and taste the ambrosia of God Divine. 

A spring warm to the touch; mothers soup and a snow blanket. A mug of camomile and a good conversation. 

Your favorite time of year, when everything sleeps; completely still yet loud all the same. Your favorite pair of shoes; worn and dearly loved. 

Your reflection; this is you, beautifully broken and put back together with gold. You are whole no matter how many times you're dropped. 

A bed of rose petals; velvet touch kisses your skin. His lips; burned into your mind. His hands; ghosts upon your body. His voice; music to your soul.

The moons light as she cradles you into heaven, to be cared for forever. Peace in your soul. Calm in your mind. Love in your heart. 

Together you are safe, as He is your shield as life slashes at your throat. He is the white light that engulfs you.

He is Serenity. My Master.

A dark night; not a sight or sound can be had here. 

Silence; a cacophony of blades clashing, drawing life second by second. 

I am lost; an island far from sanity the monsoon eats me whole. 

Cuts; weighing on my soul, dimming the glow that defines moment by moment. 

The scream erupting;  not a heart can hear.

Pain; swallowing my heart, killing a part of this person hour by hour. 

This agony is; who I am, in dangerous complexity. 

-Pandaish

A sin indeed, call me a devil. 

As the shadows swallow the daytime, covered in dress, no one is who they seem. A bunny hops; that bunny is me, for it is all hallows eve. 

I am sex incarnate, it seeps from my mouth as words seductive. The mist seeps into your ears, a musical song, whispers of promise. 

I turn, another target. One is not enough; I need them both, their eyes on me. Maybe to many drinks were had, inhibitions dessolve. 

I am a succubus casting my spell with each sway of my hips. One brave enough, presses me against a dark corner. It flares, will I be made to honor my promise?

His breathe on my neck, like a hand strangling the sense out of me. Heart rate climbs, his knee between both of mine. 

Desire is palpable, thick in the air as smoke. I feel him; a temple against my thigh and I am a priestess. The miasma inhaled, he smells of weed and need. Delicious. 

Flares, fire of the earth heating me from the core. Brushing against the point of no return.. so close it throbs. 

All consuming it engulfs. No longer a flame now an Inferno. Need so deep it frightens you. Sobriety strikes. I need to be quelled. As I succumb another hand...another man.. brave he touches my soul; does it burn him, no. He engnites with me, and together we are lust. 

I am lust embodied. My need is great can one alone quell this fire. No I need more, I both of them. Mindless; raw as honey, sweet and sticky. 

I am the sin of lust and I am in control. 

Existing in a state of numb, on standby; surviving like an ember lone in the hearth..

Movement blurred as if time is the sun climbing behind the mountains; dusk ingulfing the last beams. 

Life; existing in a on a shelf collecting forgotten memories. A dissonance between spirit and mind like a wave break. 

As oceans rise and the world melts, sea and land meet again. A collision as combustive as fourth of July sky; a spray of color and shape. 

Days become clear, the haze dissipating. Focus is coming as sure as the clouds are soft and the trees are sharp.  Blur now a brilliant canvas; a manifestation of the clarity of mind. 

Joy; yellow as the sun. Excushiating; honey so sweet. Surely death could be had in peace in this warmth. All consuming; consciousness hot as a iron. 

Peace; cool as the moon. Soothing; a swim on a moonlight night. Surely death could be had in rapture in this silence. All consuming; spirit a serene as ice. 

Days become still, the warmth burning slowly within. The cup of tea steams; reminding us to be still. Live in the moment; remember it's scents. Cilantro in the morning, covered in dew. 

The ocean freezes waiting for the warmth to flare to mix the color of sky once more. Patience as strong as the wall within. Protected; a cocoon. 

Life; like a camera charging for an adventure. Only briming with possibilities, as foam of an IPA. A promise of fun the excitement like a promotion; well deserved and yours. 

Moments to look forward to; like a Sunday evening in winter. Contagious as the happiness of a child. So pure it could burn like metal; molten wounds on your heart. 

Existing in a state of wonder, ready for the next dawn; a lark in the mist...

Before,

I am floating, like a horizon below the surface that is just out of reach. My touch brushes ever so gently as fingertips on your cheek; rippling as a breeze through a willow.

Before,

Becoming whole; a part of me behind that reflective glass of the surface. Showing a vision of what existing as a singular person could be, how to be one with self,  how to be true; hopless. 

Before,

Underneath, a place I used to fear for it showed me what I had to pretend to be; what I had yet to achieve; now shifts. What the inky darkness' promises; salvation. 

Revalation!

Suffering and loneliness a loud as a silent room, screaming as the water swallows the anguish whole. Struggling for a simply clarity. An ounce of awareness. I see, a light a crack in that surface..so close. 

Now...

As my fingertips finally touch the surface my other half reaching out; desperate for release from that confined falsehood, the mask she wore to pretend it was all ok. 

Now...

As her shield drops and and her eyes find mine I see it finally, a place where unimpeded she can fly, reaching through the clouds of mist and spirit; mirror shattered. 

Now...

I finally touch them and pull her tightly against my breast for she was the very essence of me becoming one as she was me and I am her.

Now.... Peace. Where I belong. As a whole, pure and serene. 

Beneath his feet. 

-Pandaish

As you wander down the path of beautiful submission, innocent and pure; finding new facets of your soul. You can't help but feel the heat in your chest grow as you learn to love who you are and what you will become. The roads you could take are seemingly endless. Yet as you proceed down this rabbit hole of pleasure, self discovery, pain and heartache, you find yourself reflecting on the complexities of this vexing journey.

I am vast. Like an ocean left bare, untouched my mankind. You can look at my cool exterior, kind and bubbly no person would question the turmoil within. Why would they? Humans are inherently selfish. We all protect those we are bonded with, those we love, even those we hate; this line drawn in the sand is as stable as a performer on a tightrope. Tentivly balancing herself with the elements of the outside slamming against her as the sea upon the shore. The same could be said of this person in their entirety. Some moments are like hours, dragging its nails across the chalk board of my mind; the shrill burst negativity splashes the canvas of my self worth, generated by my own insecurities; by my own pain.

I am becoming a slave. From the standpoint of a woman who fears the world but does not back down to any challenge she faces. Growth is the essence of humanity, for when we stop growing we crumble. Suffering from the voices of mental illness, anxiety and depression. The constant energy of suffering and the lack of energy to do otherwise seems like a terrible way to exist does it not?

My mind is a battle of constant fears, worries, self hatred, bitterness, and pain.

My soul is innocent, pure and kind. Too sensitive for the horrors of this cruel world. Hurt by the lack of empthy seen in others; in society.

I am training to be a slave. Obedient, honest, pure.

So why does my mind hyper analyze this task. Why do I look within only now as everything is stripped bare in front of another.

Because I need to. I am tired. Dragging my feet, brused and battered along the glass littered road of life, submission, slavery, complete and total surrender is like the softest, warmest bed you have ever floated into like warm hands caressing your body.

As a slave, I am empty like a concert hall after hours as the lone cellist sings out in hope with beautiful melody. Echoing along its bare walls, perfectly balanced. I am wholly surrounded in the reverberating protection that is my Master. He shakes me to my bones, penetraites my soul with his voice, smooth and controlled. No worry exists here, no pain, no loneliness.

I am becoming a Slave; the purest form of feminine power, strength required to trust, to be who I am true to my soul is taxing. The energy required equivalent to 1000 suns.

Yet I am training to be a Slave. I will burn bridges to the past, murder the villains of my mind, poison the self doubt that consumes me.

I will become the purest perfection.

Just to see his smile. My Master. My soul and heart in his hands he tentivly reminds me I am his in my broken entirety.

-Pandaish