ScratchPost

His gloved hand touched her cheek waking her from a restful sleep. He had tied her up earlier with a blanket around her snuggly and gone out for errands. Leaving a small boquet  of lavender peppermint, sage, and olive leaves  on the pillow which had already been soaked in the same dried flowers by him a few days ago. His mouth turned up  as her eyes fluttered hands seeking to rub the dust from her face without success. 

His fingers caressed her eyes as she closed them flinching back.

He sat next to her drawing hearts on her cheek and eyelids  with a paintbrush after gently brushing the sleepycrusts away with his gloved fingers.

He went to the bathroom retrieving a warm clothes with soap to cleanse her face,  blowing on it after to dry it. She watched, her mouth filled with a washcloth and electric tape. Taking a smaller paint brush, he painted a purple rose on her cheek with hearts around it... Rising wordlessly he walked to the kitchen bringing back sealed food for them both. She watched as he opened the factory sealed containers in front of her,  a small smile reaching her eyes.  Removing the tape, and washcloth, he fed her and himself slowly and returned the washcloth and electric tape

Reaching for the boquet, he took his time  taking apart the boquet, he tickled her face till her eyes lit.  

Turning he took a jar next to the bed and placed the harmless spider inside on her face guiding it with his finger over her face and away from her eyes, nose and ears. 

After a time he placed the spider back in the jar, looking at her, he set his clock for a few hours ahead, walked to the other side of the bed laying down he spooned her.  

Rising, with the sound of the alarm, 

He moved to a chair to watch her. He had to leave for work soon. 

He moved to the bed as she watched, untying the rope he watched her naked chest rise and fall  tape still on her face, wrists bound together at her waist.

Lifting her in the blanket, he walked to the bathroom placing her on his lap blanket aside on the toilet her legs to the side of his. Still he held her to his chest. Tilting her head up to his neck, she nuzzled him.  

After wiping her, he stood her up, attaching a leather braclet to her wrist, the bracelet had leather loops which were atatched to the walls by rope.   Long enough to lay on the blanket, a ways away,  or sit on the toilet if need be. He retrieved another blanket from the closet leaving it on the other returning to the room to get ready for work.  Once ready he cast her a final glance nesting in the blankets, he kneeled kissing the olive and lavender, he laid them next to her cheek.

*beach scene* 

Swimsuits me and another

Along with other people in the back

Giggles with a squirt gun in her hands splashing him with water quickly running to the sand squirts  me back... Turning laughing and giggling I sing

You make me wet don't you forget I may never do you you may never do me... But don't forget... Slips shades on putting down the gun swims over to him and whispers in their ear you make me wet.

Remind me with your eyes how patient people are not unicorns only Nobody rides in picture books. 

Remind me with your sewing skills that we can both share and wear something soft and wet... 

Remind me with your words and song how much I matter to you. 

Remind me with your lips licking what I one day want to kiss. 

Remind me with your creativity how

Much fun love can be

Oh nini asubuhi ya kichawi oh siku  

Kawaida, nina hisiahya ajabu ya

kusikiawatu wengi wanakuja njia

Yangu kutokea leo

Si los sonidos de la Tierra soon musica

Si los sonidos de la Tierra son como la musica

La brezza e Cosi amichevole che

solletica gli alberi, e gli ucceli ridono e ballano con me

 

I fall asleep alone in my own queen bed. In my own apartment.

Red sheets of soft surround me as I fade with a candle glowing. 

I have no partner, no master, no sub...  I do not hookup. I am alone and content.

 I wake surprised hours later in darkness to the weight of you with a gun to my mouth and a smile.

I know you. We are not close.  We are not friends But I know you.

Your blue eyes search mine still smiling. You press the gun almost softly into my my mouth.

You slide it in and out grinning wider. 

It's not a creepy smile... Like the ones you see in movies where the guy has cruddy teeth or this aura of I would murder the neighborhood... And rape everyone in it...

It's a mix of seeing a friend again for the first time in years... And the look of a teamate turning to another after winning a competition together. 

I wonder that I' dreaming of you like this...

The candle still burns with the scent of cinnamon vanilla finding it's way to comfort me somehow... Smelling a candle is better than smelling blood  or feces in my face as I have within other nightmares I remind myself.. 

My eyes reflect back in yours... Wide.

You take a strand of my hair in one hand whispering in my ear as you slide the gun out,

Tell me beautiful...how do you feel?

Lifting his head back I flinch and whisper

Scared.

Your eyebrow on your right eye lifts slightly...

Keeping the gun to my head 

You whisper again,

don't be. 

Your stradling me with your clothes on.. I have my pajamas on...

You caress my face and hum sweet dreams are made of these to me.

As your hand slides down my arms

Soft cotton and silk separate our bodies from touching. 

What are you scared of?

Still you whisper though the walls of my apartment are  brick...you tilt my face back up and eyes to you instead of the soft flickering candle.

I look at you and the gun now next to my lips the metallic feeling clinging to my teeth, gums and lips.

Trying not to stutter I flinch shocked again as if slapped. Taking one gloved finger your eyes caress my cheek the tear that rolls down... While I fight back anger... The desire to yell, which I figure is the reason for the gun... 

'y yyy o killing me... Of you raping me giving me STDs, of a child, of the pain you t t t t orttturing me, desecration of my body... A lack of sssacred space. Pppprivacy...'

Your eyes lock on mine

Honesty is good. But there is more...

You say softly 

Looking longingly at my lips you smile locking eyes with mine again.

 Sliding the gun down to my neck you get a blanket and cover me and just lay there with a gun to my neck...  Shifting positions to be up on an elbow  to the side with the other arm with the gun on top of me. 

Breathe sweetheart. I want you to trust me enough to tell me what your feeling. Relax. 

Y y y you've got a gun to my body... MY Head, my my  mouth.... Your  body is on top of mine, and you want me to what?! Not nononot happening your in my apartment! Mine... You sigh, moving an angle of the gun gun to trace my lips, effectively quieting me. You lay your head next to mine pinning my head  between yours and the gun. Taking deep breaths my body rebels mine calming down as you do and again you sing softly. Rest sweetheart. I close my eyes thinking you will shoot me... Tears streaming  silently sealing my eyelids shut....they slide down my face, my heart raging, you simply breathe deeply forcing my lungs to do the same. Shifting your heart mirrors mine slowing drastically but still as yours.  beating faster than normal  you kiss my hair and sing softly this is what I promise this you can keep kiss your eyes and lay you to sleep... I whimper.... 

Sweetheart just relax. Your not dying while I'm here. The only thing iIwant dead about you is your fear of me.

Visions of you getting ready to come over, of your plans for this flood my head as your lips touch my eyelids, my temple. Of your honesty  I drift to sleep

I wake alone with sun on my skin, and a single rose petal in my hand buttercream bursting to red around the edges.

And a beautiful rose braclet on my left wrist, green metal and white something that I try for 20 min to take off but cannot. 

Looking at the clock I see I have 10 min to make the bus for work...

You were in my home and I don't know how to feel about what happened.... So confused... I don't have time to get ready and concentrate I block emotions even from myself...

And life goes on....

 

Unraped of anything but my fear...

And my bare wrist.

Mtc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Agujeros en mi corazon
bang bang ese sonido horrible solo hace

que sea mas facil volar 

besando la luz de las estrellas 
saranado la luna
cantando a extranos Me elevo sanado corazones respirando vida de nuevo 
en zombies dolor y muerte busco la sumision de
las nota se elevan en...
llevar la paz a los corazones andrajosos
las palabras que escribimos
son las peliqulas en mi mente
canto para mi mismo

That part where you find the anger, the saddness, the reason to distance yourself... from the partner that cheated while doing something you love and they never did. that part... where I realize the hole is still there from the bullet of lies... looking down at the hole while it bleeds attempting to enjoy someone else.... birds have holy bones... is this how we learn to fly?

Moments....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

where you just wanna wake up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to a frozen ice cube

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

of happy sauce

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you can suck on....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

while he/she  watches bound in soft cuffs in the W00DS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Drowsly waking up himself/herself from the campfire   chamomile pancakes from the night before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh


Cravings.

*writes notes on trees around my territory on dead fallen bark with charcol stick, dipping my claws in aloe, comfrey, mint scratching the trees around for good mesure. 

Gone for the rest of the  year. Be back in January. Aloeha! Enjoy each other!

 

what did you do with the pain?
who did you give it to?
there is power in your heart...
did you share it with the world?
make love privately with a guitar?
did you walk for miles travel by car?
did red rain splatter on all that mattered
to you?
did you go on a quest not a wink not a rest
seeking answers on why why why
or did you sit and cry allowing your tears 
silent but strong to surround you with fears
as scars grew 
while stars blew out?
did you rebound
at the sound of her laughter
as it rang from the rafters
of the auditorium and halls of the school?
did you wander around thinking your a tool?
what did you do with it after you wrote
did you wear your pain like a coat?
marking you prey 
for all who came your way?
did you bind it for later with a lover
under the cover
of lust or love
did you drink 
chosing not to think about anyone but love with a ship
leaving no tip
as your bottle dribbles a drip
as you take a sip
a soft kiss on the lip
no one could take away
dispite time of the day
did you slide in a needle stealing kisses from  another
who wont ever turn you away?
or did you store it for time travel
so you nor another will ever unravel
their heart this way
aloe vera
will never scare ya...
even as you slice its body in half covering your body with its blood.
you could stick your hands in the mud 
feed it your tears from your eyes
never shower it with lies
as others did you.
I wonder sometimes what are lies what is true
so many things left in this life to do...
hold on to the shards lets find tape lets find  glue!
puzzles are fun
when you dont want to run
and throw it all away instead want to play