ScratchPost

I called him My Demon. though he had a gargoyle tattoo on his back I loved to make out with while he laughed. he listened to ICP and had a tattoo of them too somewhere on his body... that seemed alot more like a demon to me... (I never made out with that one)
one night he came over, bringing juice he had made and some other stuff for the food I had made. 
we ate, and went back to my room to lay down. we had spent weeks cuddling on the bed. I had super horrible nightmares back then that made it really difficult to sleep so I invited him over to I guess "tuck me in" or just have someone to SLEEP tangled up in.
I wasnt really ready for sex being surrounded by religious people telling me how wrong it was to have sex before a weddding. I didnt feel ready for a kid because I was in school at the time.
I remember getting tired after making out and kissing him all over his body, and having him do the same to me.
I remember him pinning me down thinking I'm not really ready for this but not being able to speak.I remember trying really hard to hit kick and bite him but not being able to speak. we wrestled for about an hour having him bite me back so many times all over my arms as he put the party hat on and played with my pleasure palace. he held me for a while afterwards, leaving after. I remember thinking how much I ENJOYED wrestling with him. I dont know if it was just what was in the coolaid he brought over, but no one ever told me not to trust the food or juice a man brings over, just dont go to bars and dont drink. dont do drugs. I've learned alot since then.
I had class the next day, I wore a white tank top, and jeans. black and blue bruises and bite marks with some skin torn away and scabs from blood COVERED my arms and my back.  I didnt know about safe words then... or actions. when I started to claw him, bite him it was to stop him from taking off his pants, from going farther than I was comfortable or ready to go because I couldnt say anything when I tried.
I wore a tank top because I felt really good the day after, I felt like though it went farther than I wanted, I had fun. it was ok to bite him, he bit me back... I enjoyed that aspect of sex could have just been the coolaid...
I remember though, feeling really happy the next day, motivated, and excited to go to class, something I hadnt felt in a while. I wonder sometimes 
 My professor from one of my class pulled me aside after class seeing my arms, asked who did it to me, and was I ok. who could he call for me.  I said yes. I was great. That was the best sex I had ever had. I wore a tank top to show off the marks because I enjoyed what happened. my professor (a man) didnt look at me the same afterwards...
I didnt see The Demon  for a few days. I dont know how he looked. I bite pretty hard too. ;)
what I do remember is that no one in my apartment wanted to be around me, no one would talk to me, my neighbors  classmates. and the 'friends' that lived next door wouldnt answer and didnt come over.
that was the only time he and I did that. I dont know if anyone else found out said something or anything to him... but I remember thinking I wish we had done more of it. 
what I do remember was I had fun that night and the day after with sun on my skin. feeling primal and powerful in a way others didnt  seem to understand.
I remember I felt like I had to break up with him because my social needs were not getting met. I had to go back to church because my roomates, my friends wouldnt talk to me... and as The Demon and I were not serious, I needed the social connections.
I sometimes want to go back to that moment and try it without drinking the coolaid, and the food he brought.... but I wonder, would I know what I like that way? 
would I have this sense of validation and acceptance of primal lust or love?