Having been a submissive both online and irl. I have noticed (well in my opinion anyways...) there are two major different kinds of submission. I’m not speaking of type of submissive we all know there is way more than two types of that. The want (as I refer to it) is where a submissive has a want to submit. This doesn’t necessarily have to be with any certain dom, domme or top. It’s just a want they have (I'll explain more shortly). The next is The desire (as I call it) is the desire to serve the one dom, domme or top you are with.
Why do I bring this up you may ask? Well honestly, I’m sure some don’t fully understand the differences. I spoke recently with a friend in P.M. about it and the person felt as if maybe others didn’t get that. So, I figured well why not write about my expression of it. (And I told my Wolfie I had started it SOOO must finish it now lol)
Let’s dig into The want... I always thought I was "serving" my former Dom’s in the past I was an O.K. submissive. A bit overly bratty and extra needy sure but isn’t that normal? If I was in an online D/S relationship and they asked me to do something I said I did it But I usually wouldn't or I would brat the hell out of them till they ended up caving in for me it was all too easy to get them to do so. If it was an rl D/S relationship id do the same in a way. Id only do half of what I was told to. I mean hell if that’s how I’d get my spanks and paddling’s I was SOOO going to brat the hell out of you. But even rl was too easy to top from the bottom with these doms. I had a want to submit... However, it was never fully a desire or need. As a switch, I would end up topping from the bottom. I think a lot of subs do until they find the one that they have a desire or need to submit for. In most basic of terms that I can think up the want is simply wanting to submit while still wanting a real dom not a fake but not really caring about much more than just getting that want. Make sense? So wanting a real dom yes wanting to submit and feel his or her dominating power following over you yes. Wanting to rush into bdsm possibly a yes (for some). But wanting that real connection this is where we trick ourselves by confusing our want with our desire.
Ok so now that I have rambled on about that….
The Desire to submit is a huge difference once you find your desire. For me it came on like flicking a light switch. (Like I had been in the dark about what my desire was.) I’m by no means new to BDSM so the fact that I saw something in a new set of eyes (shouldn’t have but did) surprised me even though I learn something new daily. So the difference is (again this is all from my point of view… we all I’m sure!... have our own but this happens to be mine so 😜 ) You no longer want to fully brat them maybe a little just to be cute now and then but not full on bratting. By full on bratting I mean no playing with others (if that was your thing in this it wouldn’t be) without having explicit clear permission (if poly that’s another story). When asked to do something you don’t second guess it anymore you gladly oblige to their want of you. Not because you “want” to serve (get this part right and stuck in your head) but because you have a desire to serve them to make them happy, smile, to make them proud of you. So in basic terms you go from only wanting someone to sub for to having a desire to sub for just this person. Be any and all that they want or need you to be your mindset changes its no longer about you. Its about them.
I could be totally off base with some people and that’s fine please feel free to comment I love feedback. However, if that fed back isn’t helpful or is about my grammar tbh I can careless. I don’t write to write professionally. I write in a tone of voice so what you read here is how I would say it in person as appose to writing I’m more of a talker. Which is why grammar and me don’t like each other. Ai hope you all enjoyed my thoughts for the topic.
