CtAndy's Random Thoughts and Writings

You ever question if your supposed friends actually give a shit about you? Your family? Co workers? Really anyone that you see or interact or deal with in any way? Are you the one that's always putting forth the effort and sending the messages first or making the calls. Then do a little test and see what happens.

Cease all contact. Stop messaging and calling. Just stop one day and don't be the one that initiates contact. See how long it takes for those "friends" to reach out to you. And then once they do, if they do, why are they reaching out to you?

If the first conversation after you have gone no contact is about them or something that they are doing or that they want then they aren't your friend. They are using you for their own purposes. If it takes them two weeks to message you but their first concern is what's going on with your and if you are ok then they might be decent friends. If they haven't reached out to you for a month or longer, you were simply a convenience and nothing more.

Real genuine friends that you talk with all the time will realize something is up within a couple days and their first questions are going to be what's going on and are you ok. Someone who is using you or considers you just a convenience either isn't going to notice for quite a while or their primary motivation for contacting you has something to do with something they want.

Don't be blind to fake people. They will consume your entire soul and smile at you the entire time.

I'm thankful for all the happy fathers day wishes, but simply put I refer to my writing from a year ago. Unfortunately not all of us will get a great steak and a blow job today.

Keep in mind all the dad's that have to be away from their families and their kids today not by their own choice. Many are working or are deployed or just aren't close enough to see their kids today and it's rough to say the least.

So I raise a glass to all the dad's that are away and can't see their family today. I know it sucks and my thoughts are with you.

Not for everyone by any means, but sometimes you just want to sit on a woman's face and put her to work while you enjoy her efforts. Most women won't even consider it. Most of the women that do don't really commit to it and really just get close without ever really getting into it.

Rarely though, you find a woman that really gets into it, the kind of girl that will rim until you tell her to stop, the whole while playing with her own pussy and gently stroking you with the other hand. 

Some of them love doing it just because they love to submit and obey, others love the humiliation and filth of submitting to the point that they will lick a man's ass, but rarely there is a woman that really gets turned on and even gets off from it. The world needs more woman that will fully commit to cock and ass worship like it was their last meal. 

Damn I could really go for some of that right now

Why is it so hard to find someone that will consistently and thoughtfully communicate? And in the rate instance that you do find someone who does, they are basically half way across the country or on the other side of the planet.

Why does this concept seem to be so difficult? Why is it so hard to find women that want something with a little more quality than quantity? It's there honestly that much of a gender disparity on sites like this that there are dozens of men for every real woman? I've seen posts and stories talking about how some of these women who in a general sense are quite average, who have hundreds of messages from different people. How does that even add up?? The math just doesn't work so where is the discrepancy?  

It honestly makes no sense to me how things are skewed to the point that they seem to be. It didn't used to be like this. It shouldn't be this hard just to find a decent conversation.

What is the scariest thing in the world for a lot of people in this lifestyle? 

If you think about it, many people in the lifestyle have spent years searching for their perfect partner. Some have been looking for years and are still looking. After looking for such a long time for someone that fits, you get very used to looking and longing and wishing and hoping. It almost defines you in part. The process of searching is not just something that you are doing, it's become part of who you are, part of your identity. 

So what is the scariest thing in the world for someone like that? Actually finding someone that fits them and is what they have been looking for. 

Initial excitement and happiness over finding someone turns into anxiety and trepidation about endless possibilities that will almost undoubtedly end in heartbreak and disaster. Becoming emotionally connected and attached to one single individual, that through experience we have learned will almost always end in failure and pain. The what ifs, the maybes, and the well this happened last times, are all there to ruin the good thing once you have finally found it. The stress of the negative possibilities causes strife and difficulty, and ultimately you withdraw and eventually push away. 

The scariest thing is finding what you want, and then screwing it up somehow. The problem is that this fear of screwing it up is often the reason that it gets screwed up in the first place. Once you spend so long looking, finding is scary.

There isn't quite anything that is as soothing when coming down with a cold or being sick a fresh raw honey in a hot drink.

Now I'm taking straight from the bees fresh, not that artificial corn syrup infused shit you buy at the grocery store. That's shits horrible for you.

This is part of the reason why we raise bees and do our own honey. It really is one of nature's super foods. You should look into it if you never have.

There is a special kind of boredom that one experiences when living long distance from your partner, especially when going from living together to then living apart. 

At first you get the whole feeling of freedom being able to do what you want, when you want, and how you want. After a while though, it starts to feel like you are kind of lost almost. You have played all the video games, watched the shows, read some books, but after a while things just start feeling kinda empty.

Along with that, for those of us that have that pesky need for physical touch, makes the word longing not exactly cover the whole that takes a place inside you. You look forward to the short snippets of time that you get to have with your partner, but those only happen every couple of months. You even search for new partners and interact with all sorts of people who ultimately end up more disappointing than anything else. Most people are disappointing, and underwhelming, and the vast majority of the time are entirely dishonest. 

So what's left, well boredom and a longing for the feeling of belonging again. Another day ticks by slowly. At least we know it won't last forever. Or hopefully not.

Where would you recommend for someone new to try and connect with like minded people? Where do you look for kinky friends, partners, education, or interests other than here? Where have you had the most success finding people with similar interests? What is the current go to place to find people to play with? Where do you look?

Something that I really enjoy but havent had much opportunity to do as of late is erotic hypnosis. I've been missing it lately and I would really love to do a session, or a few, if the right person were to come along. I'm particularly fond of trigger play including forced orgasms or orgasms on command, edging and orgasm denial, sensation play, voyeurism, and a wide variety of other things.

I have 7 years experience as a Tist, looking for a cis female, around my age or younger, preferable slim or athletic in build, and most importantly an open minded and willing subject.

I'm more than happy to discuss any details of what I would like prior to agreement to do a session. Informed consent is particularly important to me. The goal is to have the subject enjoy the session as much as I do, the last thing I want is for someone to regret something after the fact. DM if you have any questions or you might have interest.

I'm also more than open to general questions and discussion on the topic. Being that it isn't the most common of kinks, I know that is often considered some kind of mystical taboo that most people know very little about. I would be more than happy to chat with anyone or answer questions in general in the comments so anyone and everyone can learn if they are interested.

Other than that, no matter what else is going on in the world, I hope you all have a phenomenal day.

What are your thoughts?

Love it?

Hate it?

Love to hate it?

Completely neutral? 

What do you like, want, and enjoy about this sort of play? 

For those that don't like it, why and what would you prefer instead?