1 month ago. Sun 24 Mar 2019 03:09:18 AM IST
Lectura necesari, non apenas...required reading, not hardly…
Hey all two or three of Henna's faithful (and stunningly masochistic in the not good way) readers… had a giant spew bubbling up that required words to paper (screen, dammit, to screen…) Prattle commencing, I recommend leaving now to avoid the copious vomitage upon the page likely to be forthcoming…
Started this last night but didn't get too far because I needed to carb up and try to get some sleep. Had my first race this morning since I got sick end of last year. On a bit of an endorphin high atm, was awesome to get back out finally. And no, didn't come in at the front of the pack, I am a lumbering dinosaur after all, but wasn't in the back group with the ladies pushing strollers and old people power walking either, so it's cool.
So, what could be so big that I elected to resurrect Saudade from the great dirt nap? Had something I needed to write I suppose. Not of any more import than any of my previous entries though of course. Ooh, perfect segue, love it when that happens unintentionally…
Took a minor hiatus with my blog and interacting here (although have still been writing a shitload of my own stuff though) with a bit of an assist from the powers that be after I posted an entry that didn't follow community rules. Quite pleased they allowed me my words back with the promise to sanitize and go forth and sin no more. So over this next little bit I'll be (re)updating the ol profile and reposting (most) of my previous writings with some minor edits. Don't say I didn't warn you…
Will you get to some sort of point, you tautological word ho…
Okay, okay...so today's spew brought to you courtesy of, well, you...
Had been starting to interact again these last few days following my unfortunate bout with insanity and was feeling reasonably okay with the idea I didn't need to turn tail and run from a place that I'd found where I thought I might be understood, at least somewhat. Happened upon the following during my Clash period. (Come on, work with me people... 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go’...fuck, hate having to explain my stupid humor!) I know I'm poaching someone else's first blog entry of it, but it's a good fucking song, hotter than hell vid, and it's Bebe. Just deserves extra exposure.
Don't go getting all excited, this ain't actually my last hurrah here at Cage. Think I might understand the actual meaning of the song after quite a bit of consideration though.
‘I know I've said it all before
But it won't hurt to do it all once more…
Maybe I'll never change
But I'm still glad I came
Try again another day
But for now
This is my last hurrah, once I start
I ain't gon stop til I go too far
Last hurrah and it's okay
Maybe tomorrow I won't feel this pain’
Bebe, and her co-writers (yes, I should credit, no, not going to…), did exactly what many artists seem to do for me. Put my thoughts, quandaries, and questions into words. She isn't saying this is really the last time she'll take this path, the walk in the dark, the excess, the craziness. She knows it's not 'good’ or 'right’, but it's her answer when the pain comes back, and it always does, to exchange the bad hurt and chaos for the good kind. Ditto for me, without a doubt.
Noted there has been more than a bit of discussion of late in blogs and blog responses (have no fucking idea what gets discussed in chat, just easier to stay out of that beehive for me, I'm entirely too slow…) about what people choose to share. As in who is just being dramatic or shit stirring, and how others should best handle things that upset, frighten, or disturb them, and what crosses lines of unacceptable behavior. We do have community guidelines there to keep anyone from overstepping anyone else's privacy by disallowing naming others without their permission, and the guidance to attack opinions not people in the event of disagreement. I don't have any skin in the game with anyone else's blogs. I'm not owned, not protected, do not own, and am not protecting anyone. I speak my own words and share from my own experiences and opinion.
So the title of this blog...nothing I put out, either here or in response to someone else’s blog or forum is required reading. Have something supportive to say? Great, please feel free. A suggestion or life experience that might help us all grow and learn? I'm all ears, might not work for me but good on you for sharing. Disagree with me? Again feel free to provide your input as long as we all follow the rules. I actually rather enjoy a good stirring friendly debate. Think I'm just a pretentious windbag or drama queen, why in the hell have you read this far?
I've previously stated, on an embarrassing frequent basis, that I considered the Cage my community, my people, my family in a way. I'd drank the kool-aid, bought into the pats and hugs and words of support given to me and others struggling and reaching out for souls who might understand us.
Now sadly I'm seeing it a bit differently, doesn't feel quite as close or safe. I trusted people told truths, wanted the best for me and others, and believed that most here thought I was a decent and caring person, although a bit odd and broken. Thinking I was mistaken in my naivety and wishful thinking though. I suppose there are likely people here like me, sitting behind their screens, who want to support and share and help and grow, who take words written as genuine, and see the nick or handle as a flesh and blood person with feelings and the right to a voice as we have gathered here to get through this thing called life. (thank you Prince...you are missed…) But there are also those who only want to hurt, break, manipulate, threaten, use, and fuck with people. You pays your money, you takes your chances, I suppose.
In this grand theatre that is the Cage, it's okay to be the character you want to see yourself as. Do remember though, that every goddamned one of us, Dom/Domme, sub, little, Switch, Master/Mistress, slave, pet, Primal, etc, etc, etc. is real behind that keyboard. We've all made mistakes, hurt people, been hurt, been confused, misunderstood another's words or actions, been misunderstood, and acted poorly at some time. No one from the most intuitive Dominant to the lowliest slave, has all the answers or knows the one true path.
If you have a hard spot with what someone chooses to discuss there is an easy out for you, just don't read it. Like many of us, I've succumbed to the temptation to get involved because I thought I understood something. But in a world of half-truths, pure fantasy, and game playing that's a sketchy proposition at best. Guess I know better now…
So the wrap-up? I'm not perfect, but neither are you. I'm going to keep using this space to continue to work through that which I carry when I feel the need. I'll try my damnest to follow the rules of the site, because I don't want my voice silenced completely. I'll also likely weigh in when I can if I feel like I have something constructive to offer someone else. Don't like what I have to say, or just me personally, please do us both a favor and walk on by.
Wonder why I'm not just leaving if I'm this disenchanted? I'm not sure to be honest. Been a lot of hurt here for me personally, but also a lot of healing, guess I just want to see which end of the teeter-totter ends on the high side. Feeling pretty damn cynical atm though.
Not exactly my usual idea for a sexy shoe pic, but I felt pretty damn happy running this morning, so here is today's submittal…