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Saudade

"Memory of something with a desire for it." (Duarte Nunes de Leao)
1 month ago. Jun 28, 2020, 2:19 AM

For Faith...

 

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl. You make my world a better place, thank you for wiggling your way into my cold crusty dinosaur heart.

Your Mommasaurus, Henna

 

 

 

1 month ago. Jun 25, 2020, 3:42 PM

So...going to go ahead and put this out here so it's loud and clear...

I don't alt. I have no reason to. I've gotten better about identifying when a voice of reason might be needed but isn't likely to be received well by the group, but that said, when I feel the need to speak to something, best damn believe that I want it known it's coming from my own fucking mouth. 

If someone asks for my counsel or I see a situation that I think I can provide insight on, I try to help. I am upfront, although I try to couch things gently when possible. I will not be an echo chamber and frankly, if all a person is looking for is someone to prop up their misguided worldview, I probably am not the right ear. I calls it like I sees it.

And yes, if the intention is to hurt my feelings I'll provide the satisfaction of saying I am when someone blocks me vice talking things out. If I'm being blocked for listening, providing perspective from the view of someone experienced with both the highs and lows of both this place and the greater Lifestyle, and advising allowing the heat of the moment to dissipate before acting the ass, then I suppose I have to be okay with it though. 

Finishing up with Henna's take on drama...with so many new folks about some of Cage's ancient history may not be common knowledge, and no sordid details here, it's not necessary, but suffice it to say there are periodic big blowups that occur and stir things up, where ugly words are said publicly, sides taken, spitballs thrown, and lots of people were hurt. I've been through this, and a part of it, and I speak from experience. Neither side is ever completely right, nor the other completely wrong. And it never strengthens us, it only weakens the collective, and births more pain into a world already full of it. Why do that for no good outcome? There's never really a 'winner'. We all just lose. 

Be well, every last one of us,

- Henna

1 month ago. Jun 18, 2020, 10:26 PM

It's not dinosaur related but I'm also a closet Star Wars lover...so I'm working away and I just take one little tiny quick look at the shopping site and I see THIS.  I MUST HAVE THISSSSS!!!

 

Be well and may the Force be with you...(totally shoulda saved this for a Fourth be with you...no patience though..oh well...)

- Henna

2 months ago. Jun 1, 2020, 7:15 PM

Celebrar...Celebrate!

Per Checkiday.com it's.........

 

Woohoo! 

 

 

I apologize...great moves but...oof ,that music...

And how about one for the littles...

 

 

Sorry for the jurassic earworm! 

 

Be well all,

Your friendly neighborhood Hennasaurus 🦖

 

4 months ago. Apr 8, 2020, 2:44 AM

Raro...weird

Apparently we are all feeling the pink moon's influence...

In honor of all the beautiful weirdness out there, thank you for each being who you are! 

 

Be well Weirdos! (said with love and solidarity!)

- Henna

5 months ago. Mar 10, 2020, 2:38 AM

Bagoas de dinosauro... Tears of a Dinosaur


Wicked sad day for a Dinosaur…

 

My furry family member and four legged running buddy crossed the rainbow bridge today. I'm thankful he wasn't sick too long, a matter of weeks really, and now he's no longer in pain...but I hurt like a motherfucker….

 

I don't presume to know what comes next, for either the four footed or two footed of us, but I hope he's running free in the fields chasing the bird and squirrel spirits and swimming in the ponds on some other plane. Please take care of him, Universe, he's a good one.

 

Be weller than this ol girl, friends, and if you have four foots in your life please give them some extra snuggles tonight... sometimes they have to leave before you are ready for them to. Thanks for listening,

- Henna

 

 

5 months ago. Feb 19, 2020, 10:51 PM

Hey All, 

Time for another Primer entry...  if you aren't sure what the old girl is talking about here's the skinny...months ago, I got rather irritated at the (what I considered) poor behavior of a newish person who then elected to 'accidently' block me rather than talk it out like a couple of adults. In lieu of sitting there stewing I figured I'd whip out a 'Helpful Hints from Henna' for folks new to the community. It originally started as a sort of tongue in cheek idea as there really is no primer or one twue way of that which we do, but there are definitely the same ol same ol asshat maneuvers that are routinely attempted, usually by those unfamiliar with the community (but sadly enough, sometimes it's oldsters too…). I admit I got a little carried away with the unrequested knowledge transfer and whipped out a small number of general information (basic level I thought) Blogosphere offerings before coming to the realization I just sounded like a pompous windbag (hey, it happens occasionally!) and my warblings were unnecessary and not terribly helpful to anyone but me. Sooo, figured I'd just bite my tongue until something else came up that begged my vomitage onto page and sure enough, it appeared! Yay, right! I personally got another one of those awkward messages that I very politely replied to (for real!) and got blocked, then noted this morning another of the girls got hammered by someone different messaging inappropriately. Standard warning here, you may want to turn away now before getting mired in the muck, jus sayin'. It's a typical Henna long-winder...


Explosions de escopeta… Shotgun blasts


Alrighty, you are new here (or not), excited and ready to meet all these neat people! So many profiles, waaayyy too many to read all the way through them all! So you craft a perfectly worded introduction spiel that follows the role you've crowned yourself with.


'Kneel BITCH, you are now my slave' is one of the thoughtless wannabe Dom throwaways we joke about often, but more often the intro is well thought out and carefully crafted to convey what the person most wants the recipient to know about them. From a D type it might be a full-fleshed out description of how they choose to dominate and what form they expect a new relationship to take. From the S type it's usually some variation of how good a sub they are, compliant, ready and willing to serve, etc etc etc, but other times it's just a laundry list of all the things they want done to them by a kink dispensing Dom/me.


Okay, so here you are, you've got this great opening line you are just itchin' to try out on the world and sooo many people here in the Cage...hmmm...how to get the message out that you are in da house, single (or not), and ready to mingle...what's a body to do?


Well, you could always do a personals ad. Boy, that takes patience though. You'd have to wait until someone answers you! OMG, too slow you think.


How about answering someone's personal ad? You might havta tweak your finely worded intro speech a little to answer whatever they put in the ad but it's a good option, dammit though, still only reaches ONE person!


How about post the spiel in Forum or as a Blog? Lots of potential partners might see it there. There is an 'Introduce Yourself' thread that Villanelle maintains so that's always a good start. Doing it as a stand alone new Forum thread will likely get you a response from someone directing you to either the Introduction thread or Personals but it is done occasionally. As to blogging, we always put out that your blog is your space to put out whatever you want/ need to in the world of the Cage (within our codes of conduct of course)… although most of the seasoned Cagers tend to look a little askance at the Personal Ad as Blogosphere outing. Still, no rules against it so you do you boo.


Ah ha! Eureka! You've come up with a brilliant and innovative plan! No one else POSSIBLY could have thought of the sheer magnificence of it! Just send the same spiel to a bunch of folks! KERPOW!!!...Shotgun Blast, buckshot errywhere!!!


You manage to figure out you can filter your view to just your target audience, say females who are hetro and Dominant, between the ages of 28 and 42, and live in Kansas, US of A...but hell, that takes some thought and effort and well, you aren't really sure what all your preferences are so maybe it would be a better idea to just send your missive to anybody with a vagina! You are sure to have somebody respond then!


🤦 Yep, you are bound to get some responses that way... unfortunately they prolly ain't going to be what you were hoping for. Some of the responses you may get include pissed off Dominants (or subbies, they can get a bit rabid about poachers too just so's you know), if you don't know already here's a tip… if there's something in {brackets} behind a name it's a collar statement. It's normal convention to put either a partner's name or some other descriptive like 'taken', 'not looking', 'protected', or the like in that space. Guess what that means? That means that the person isn't interested in your mass mailing proposal. It's a dead end, a false lead, don't waste your time.


(Quick shout out about poachers...look, I get that Life is complicated, sometimes connections happen unintentionally and some relationships are just meant to die a natural death, but if you get off on the idea of 'stealing' someone else's chick or dude do remember that the person you 'steal away' from an established relationship just fucked around on their partner...hmmm...wonder if eventually they'll do the same to you?...nah, prolly not, 'cause you are special, right?)


Anyway, so as soon as you go fishing for someone who has clearly identified they ain't interested in anyone new you just put a nasty taste in a lot of people's mouths.


Then add in the responses you get from the people who took the time to fill out their profile. If they firmly identified what they are looking for, like homosexual or some other role contrary to what you'd like them to be, trying to overtly convince them you can 'fix' them or 'will teach them to enjoy something different' you aren't being a saviour or wonderful miracle worker, you are being a jerk. If they called out that they are only here for XYZ, whether it be friendship, casual chats, or only looking for the love of their life who will marry them and bear their babies and you are foisting something different on them you just clearly identified that their concerns, preferences, limits, etc etc etc don't matter. Granted, that's a kink for some of us, being treated as though our needs are inconsequential and we exist only for the pleasure of another, but most will identify as such if so! No need to sneak up and bludgeon those of us not into the idea of being doormats, just makes you look uncouth and a little dumb.


Actually sometimes you might not actually get a response from those people you messaged inappropriately, want to know why? No really, do you? Sometimes because they have left the site, yep, you chased them away. Feeling powerful and awesome now? They came here, looking for something that has been just out of reach, maybe for their entire lives. They wandered through the Cage door, looked around, did the hard work of figuring out what intrigues them and what they are looking for, then got bumrushed by a bunch of assholes who didn't see a person sitting behind a keyboard, instead they saw chess pieces, toys to play with, nothing that really matters.


They don't always leave either, sometimes they stay, quietly delete the offending message, maybe report it to the admin if it's really ugly, and build the wall they hide behind a little taller, making it even harder for the next true person that happens along to reach them. Is that what you want? Is that your intention?


You also might get responses like mine…

'That's the now the fourth time you've sent the same form letter, dear. Starting to wonder if you are just a bot. So, same answer... Even if I were looking for a subbie, and as mentioned before I'm not, I'd be quite unimpressed. Doesn't show tenacity as much as smacks of laziness and desperation. Keep track of who you contact, and put a bit more effort into making conversation if you are going to reach out to someone. Ask them a question about their profile or mention a common area of interest. Dommes are people, not kink dispensers. Doesn't make one feel very special if the message you put out is 'doesn't really matter who you are or what you are about, I just wanna be a subbie to somebody'. In fact I'd warn you that anyone who did answer back 'sure, I'll make you my bitch' is either a scammer or a FinDomme. Sort of surprised given the fact you've been trying this for awhile that you haven't already been targeted by them. Lucky guy. Good luck in your search.'

Obviously my words didn't resonate enough for him, but maybe they will for someone else.


Be well all, and for christ sake, please try to remember that behind these nicks is a person, not a plaything, or computer game, or nothing but a kink dispenser (or receiver). Yes, there are varying levels of engagement here, some do only want the most casual play, others the full monty relationship, but trampling others to get what you want isn't cool, it's kindergarten.


Okay, spew over...whew, I feel moderately better now.

- Henna

6 months ago. Feb 14, 2020, 5:37 AM

 

Happy V-Day Cage folk! 

Be well,

- Henna

7 months ago. Jan 14, 2020, 8:02 PM

A resposta do foro...non o podia axudar...Forum response...couldn't help it


The Dinosaur is still on a JOMO break but I have been stopping in periodically, catching up a little on blogs and trying to stay somewhat current on the comings and goings of the Cage denizens (woefully inadequately, btw). Started to respond to a Forum Q I caught this morning but in typical Henna fashion I used waaayyyy too many words so decided to chuck this into the Blogosphere before heading back under my rock.


Henna's two cents...


The idea that a registry or log should exist so folks can publicly call out the faux, fakes, predators, and scammers or even just a rating system, like one uses for uber drivers or Yelp reviews, comes up in discussion every so often here. It's frequently proffered by someone new to the community but not always. Sometimes even the experienced among us get surprised that someone they thought they knew was really different than presented/ expected.


The notion is better than the reality of the idea though for a few reasons. The possibility, nay likelihood, of it being misused is huge. There are always three sides to any interaction; yours, mine, and the reality that usually lies somewhere between them. (Or more than three in poly configs!) What feels 'true' to you, say 'we were in a perfect relationship and then the person ghosted me' might be described by the other person is 'the relationship was really uncomfortable and I tried to gently break it off but finally just had to step away from the situation because it wasn't healthy'. Who is 'right' there, and who 'wrong'? If the 'leavee' has the right to leave their version outing the 'leaver', the 'leaver' has the right to leave their perspective of it too, don't they? Pretty sure the whole thing would devolve into a tit for tat 'well, he did this' 'well, she did that' uglyfest. Lord knows that already happens in our personal blogs, an 'Identify the Bad People' forum would the epitome of nasty. And that's assuming both parties were being totally truthful and not intentionally trying to malign the other. Can't even imagine how fugly that would end up.


A rating system might be less onerous, but even that's fraught with problems. Someone really gregarious and outgoing might well have a large circle of friends who will happily uprate them but may well be a shit personal partner. Or the cranky sort who gets downrated because they frequently weigh in with contentious comments or heavy handed advice might be your ideal matchup beneath the crusty exterior they present to the world.


There are fakes, scammers, and predators here, on both sides of the slash, undeniably. However, mostly this place is just a lot real people who are learning as they go, growing, figuring out what resonates for themselves, making stupid mistakes, being rude, getting their feelings hurt, being overly sensitive, occasionally acting paranoid delusional (Henna waves 👋), and just generally being human, which means fallible. If there's going to be a list of people who act like asshats, reasonably sure nearly everyone should make the roster at least occasionally, no? Not sure how that sort of a list would help anyone really.


Even a listing of 'Real/ Not Real' is a weird slippery slope. There are no rules handed down from on high about how our kink 'must be done'. Every so often someone will expound on how nobody here is a 'real' submissive, or how the Insta-Doms are just nilla losers who watched 50 Shades a few times. Is someone not a 'real' submissive if they don't immediately drop to their knees, cast their eyes downward, and address any rando Dominant as Sir, Mistress, or some other odd deferential? Many of us don't feel like that's necessary but there are certainly folks that do prefer their kink that way. I personally don't care for folks ordering me about casually, but there are subbies that dig the fuck out of a stranger giving them JOIs or tasking them somehow. And more than a few folks who found their way into our Lifestyle through the nilla portrayals of kink, like 50 Shades (cringy or not). Does that make them less worthy to be here than someone raised in a Gorean household? So, who is the real-ist? Who makes the list? And who gets to make their picture of Real/ Not Real the sacred cow? Me? You?


The Predator designation is tricky too. What one person sees as predatory behavior may be totally acceptable to someone else. I'm personally completely ooked out by hypnosis/ mental control, to the point it's my hardest Hard Limit, but there's a lot of folks who are enthusiasticly onboard with monkeying around with someone's brain or having theirs monkeyed around with. What I would see as patently predatory abuse might be someone else's cup of tea. Again, there isn't a kink rulebook, nor should there be.


We do have a system of rules here that are in place to keep the community viable, like no findom/me solicitation or naming others in public comment without their permission. You have the option to block or report anyone who offends you to the admins. And they do exercise their ability to delete public comments that run afoul of the rules and banish members if warranted. They may not always make perfect decisions but they do try. It's not foolproof or a kindergarten, and unless we 'evolve' into some dystopian nightmare of conformity with checklists of right and wrong, there is no systematic guarantee of safety. Instead it's an amorphous community of people who enjoy things that are outside of most of societies rules and norms. It's a spectrum, not a 'you must be this tall to ride the ride' kind of thing. 


The best way to learn about who is who is to be patient. It's a hard thing to do when you come in, and see this big beautiful exciting world and want to dive right in. All these interesting profiles and people contacting you. Who to trust? Who to believe? Talk, listen, ask questions, ask more questions, share your thoughts, wishes, preferences, requirements. Really listen to what people offer and how they speak to you and to other people. If it sounds too good to be true it frequently is. Use the informal peer to peer networks: talk to other subs if you are a subbie, Dominants if you are a D type. You can talk to people outside of your role IF you can avoid either bowling over or being bowled over by opinion. Not necessarily the easiest thing to maintain which is why using your peers may be a better choice. Always remember though, that you are your best resource. What may be right for others may not be right for you and conversely just because someone isn't necessarily well liked doesn't mean they aren't a perfect fit for you. That person that 'everybody' might seem to love may make you miserable. A bad guy list won't protect you from getting your heart broken and a good guy list won't provide you with a stamped, approved, bona fide perfect match. Life doesn't work like that, either in the nilla world and especially not here in our Wonderland of Kink.


Be well all,

Henna

 

Speaking of contentious comments and the option to block...saw something I felt the need to comment on that I'm unable to do so on so putting it here...many people, me included, have used and use this space to unpack their issues. It's not a snowflakey safespace with puppies to cuddle and calming music piped in but trust me, if you don't like what someone is putting out it's best to walk on by. Insulting someone who is hurting and publicly pointing out behavior that you feel is unbecoming to their identified role firmly identifies one as a gatekeeper, a 'my definition of kink' is the only valid one type. It just feels mean and unnecessary and doesn't really help anyone. Ditto with assuming the way someone writes shows the entirety of who they are. I fucked up there personally, reading more into written words than what was actually being said, listening to people with their own agendas, and projecting my past hurt onto current events and believe me, it sucks. Tearing someone else down (unless that's their kink and you've negotiated the service) serves no purpose in the end. There's no need to birth more pain into a world full of it. (Unless it's the fun kinda pain! That's a-okay! 👍)

Okay, done now...back under rock. 

 

 

8 months ago. Dec 15, 2019, 5:16 AM

Ledicia De Faltar...Joy Of Missing Out (loosely…)


Time for a little Dinosaur musing, I'd normally advise turning away as to avoid being contaminated by the spewage but either you'll be reading my silly Saudade nonsense or you won't. Not really much left for me to say about it once I push 'publish', balls now in your court…


I had a beaut started last night. I didn't sleep much and all the thoughts that have been whirling about internally for a few weeks now, hell, longer than that really, were clammered for inclusion. Same premise, that I need a little time under my rock, but with more than a little vitriol about the fact that by virtue of making such a statement I'd be encouraging the 'if you were serious you'd just go, not trumpet it' contingent. Although given that some of those folks are apparently so distraught by Henna that they have me on block (Damn, I scary! Rawr!🦖) maybe they won't even notice! 👍 Of course if you don't make some kind of statement and just go quiet (okay quietER in my case) somebody's going to get their panties in a bunch because then obviously you're nothing but a meanie old Ghoster who did it just hurt their feelers. The horror. 👻 And that was just the beginning, told you, I was wound tight...


Oddly enough the Universe did me a favor though. Square in the middle of full on whinefest the phone shut down and failed to save anything. I take that as a sign…


The (sorta) quickie version is that I am in need of another JOMO break. This space, the Cage, has been important to me for the last two plus years. It's given me the opportunity to rediscover a piece of myself that I'd thought might be gone forever. I've met some incredibly close friends, a few loves, a lot of infatuations and casual relationships, and had a ton of fun. I claimed you guys...yes, sans everyone's consent, sorry… as my community. I tried to be a friendly, if a bit opinionated, sort, to support where I could and maybe help others avoid some of the difficulties I've put meself through. And I used my blog and other communications, both private and public, to muddle through much of the shit I carry.


Wasn't all great of course, and sure wish I'd handled some things differently, and also wish others had too. But overall it's been a good place and has helped tremendously as I work toward integrating the girl I used to be, the woman I am today, and the human being I desire to be. I will say, though, that online is a weird universe, eh, multiverse I guess. Maybe it's because of the kink factor or maybe all online communities are bizarro, I don't really know...before stumbling into the Cage I'd not been involved in chatrooms or other such. The Dinosaur is a Luddite.


I've prattled quite a bit about the fact that my Life is a more difficult right now than I'd prefer to have to deal with. Being here, when it's light, airy, and fun, is wonderful. It helps me recharge and relax. Even when the interactions are more intense, if it feels like there is growth, learning, and/ or healing occurring for me or others, it's doable. But when it's just stressful, either because of people who want more from me than I have to give, or there's too much ugliness, I don't even want to play anymore. It's not worth it to me, not with everything else so tough right now. Why do I want to borrow more sadness, pain, or stress?


Spoiler...I don't. I can't. It's not my responsibility to protect, guide, or teach anyone. Not to Domme anyone and sure as hell not to kneel. I am not an owner, am not owned. By my choice. Perhaps someday it will be different, but for now it is what it is, and I don't require anyone's permission or approval for it to be thus. I do have friends here, and those that truly are know that I continue to care about them even when quiet. And all of them are more than capable of making their own decisions and doing as they choose, good or bad. I got no, nor want any, skin in the game. It's up to you what you want your community, interactions, roleplay, relationships, and kinkworld as a whole to look like. Imma take a JOMO break, but I'm sure I'll be around here and there. Maybe I'll finally make it out to LaBrea, I hear it's a great place for dinos to chill.


Be well all and much luck,

- Henna