Misery Loves Company

Happy pride month to every color! 

Life as a poly pansexual has filled me with so many wonderful blessings and joy. 

Wishing everyone a fulfilling life. 

So this weekend I fucked my friend, then later that night I fucked his roommate. They were totally fine with sharing me. But I don't think I was totally on board. .. I like them both but at the same time sex is just hmmmm. ..not all orgasmic rainbows. Part of me thinks their dicks were too huge. Other part of me knows I'm still in my feels that my girlfriend of six years is moving out (were still together but...I've been mentally wrecked and taking it out on high body count) shit I'm probably being mentally irresponsible idk...

And there he left with pieces of me. Pieces of me I'll never be able to touch unless touching him. 

I loved and I loved and lost, 

But oh the memories I gained 

The rich heart I had the honor to explore

The realness of his touch screaming "I love you" 

I'm left telling myself it's over. 

But I am not....

It's painful, God it hurts, but I regret nothing. 

I'd do it again and again suffer the same fate to see his smile, feel his laugh, breathe in his joy. 

I hope he finds happiness

I'll always wish his happiness could have been found with me. 

The memories are beautiful and grateful to know him and to love him even from a distance now 

I get that ultimately what I want isn't as note worthy to a Master or Mistress till I've earned that right, compared to what I need. 

But I can talk wants, needs all day long 

At the end of the day I can't serve piss poor character. You're either emotionally strong & stable or just searching to satisfy less than what the whole relationship entails (my perspective) 

I can be used. I can be a fuck toy, you can give me purpose, beg me to be worthy of your purpose.

Character long-term, matters. I'm one of those that will serve until allowed permission to ask to be released [not for everyone can be toxic]. 

BUT there's a difference in being degraded and obejectified and a person being a shitty person. 

I can be degraded humiliated to hell and back still smile serve and love. But that's because of the person who stands before me, the one I see who fulfills all. Who is everything I can look up to regardless of flaws, who can build me, I can see a fully built strong individual. 

Point is know yourself, because if you don't how do expect someone to serve your will if it's weak. 

Personal drunk rant. Sorry.

I hope everyone is having a happy 4th and litha. 

Blessings~

Find me at the corner of desperation and hopeless beginnings. digging my feet deep into the pavement of a dirt road slowly crumbling beneath me.

An unwavering, craving drips down my leaves and moistens parts of a flower bud just begging to bloom. 

Bees fly around me as I hold my roots strong, firm, with their honey dripping down my stems. Yet my flower does not bloom. Some whisper into my leaves saying a weed amongst roses will never amount to anything. Yet I get stained by their pollen, daily and they fly off give their beloved roses not an ounce. 

I could reply, I could shrivel up and darken, wait for someone to cut my roots, but no. I am faithful, I am resilient, and I will dig deeper. Waiting. Patiently. 

One day a hornet will grace me with its presence, clear the clutter of unworthy pollen and strike enough venom in my veins to keep the bees away. 

I'll be the dandelion colored in pigments the masses never knew existed. 

And when I blossom its his venom ill be praying for over pollen any day. Dare a bee approaches a hornet's flower may they be stuck the potent smell of his mark on me.

To the masses 

Mind the losses 

To the broken

Mind the mended 

The careful the careless the unwanted and the 

Just too fucking fucked.

Do you think I expect you to know how to read? No. I expect nothing, assume nothing, want nothing from those existing in the mass of the unaware who do  so out of so called social obligations that exist amongst conformity. 

To the loving the loveless 

The damaged fucked up toys mommy and daddy ever gave you. You were just too ungrateful to see their worth, beauty is what you make of it. 

I lay looking at the scars the mistakes the ruined bite marks stained into my skin by filthy greedy mouths, the tares into my soul by hungry heartless vultures and say...

Praise be, because these stains taught me culture, the tares inside my soul...teach me that vulnerability is my greatest strength and a Master's most joyous weapon. 

Praise be to the moments where I lay staring at the past torments and find peace that I wasn't bred by a woman but raised by Man's word. Absolution.

To the weary the wondering the wonderful and the damned souls pissing on rainbows. 

Know that rainbows come back, your skin still glitters, no matter what scars of the past dance tormenting you inside your mind. 

Peace exists if you create it. 

Make what you will of wordless worth, but feel the intent of charisma on crack~

Sometimes poetry that spits is poetry that spills lovingly devotion that only other helpless fools catch

That moment when he regrets thinking of fucking me, while cheating on his wife. Will he tell her? No. Begs the question why did he do it in the first place. I refuse to be at fault for answering a Man's will. Pray it is... what he needed to wake up and figure out where his priorities lie. 

Praise and lust are one thing but to sit there and tell me "well you can never have it all in a relationship". Oh hell no. I don't Settle I will have it all or it isn't a relationship, it'd just be a place holder which isn't fair to anyone. 

Goodluck loveless lies and lustful promises that resemble no symbiance of true ownership. Not a toy, love. I'm the toy. Big difference. I really do wish you deliverance because no woman deserves to go through the war of what you think you vs. What indecisiveness you feel. 

Be real.

Message me if you would like a free Tarot reading ♡ 

Careful with me for I am like a moth to flame when my love and submission unite. 

Be afriad by all means for I am not handled but won. 

For I live to love and love to live, 

I carry with me honesty, grace, kindness, warmth, 

I keep my temper, with my knifes hidden, but know my teeth are always ready to kill. 

not broken, not damaged, not for the weak. 

not shy not fragile not at my peak 

not ashamed nor afriad of who i am 

will not cannot never will scam

bury your burdens upon my soul 

i'll make your pain glitter gold. 

Be near be far be close to me 

I can be always happy. 

fall hard fall deep control everything 

for I can serve for anything.