Misery Loves Company

Finally made some youtube poetry 

8.30.21 poem one 

I want the rough touch of forever that feels of the softest passion. 

The guidance of a King who knows He holds the greatest weapon. 

A woman.

Who will protect, honor, guide and teach sisters of submission.  Give her room to control and take care of the tiniest whims. His house will have order His house will have the strength of many. 

I found myself today after a sleepless night of soul searching. 

I am more than the cum you stabbed into me from every hole that should have been filled with love instead of violence. 

I am more than the lies and  Deceit I placed on others to protect myself due to my lack of moral compass because of your pathetic coarseness 

I am not a victim of abuse I'm not a survivor of crimes committed against me. I'm a God Damn woman. 

I have the strength of a thousand man in every tear that runs down my cheek. I have the heart of a devil with the compassion stinging through my blood. 

You taught me a Man was void of feeling anything for a woman. That a woman was useless to a man. 

But oh how I have learned so much more. 

Torture me and I will rise

Abandon me and I will find comfort in the sanity of knowing your life was pointless existing next to mine. 

I am free from the lies you raped into my ears. I escaped the prison you created inside my own mind. 

The scars on my body do not pale, no honey they glimmer in gold. You took every inch of me and made me a monster, I took every inch back and made myself into a beautiful woman. 

The self hatred and chaos you injected into my veins to chain me down inside my head has worn off. 

I will not fall to my knees and thank you for making me fight for my life. 

I will not utter a word of love and thank you for teaching me that manipulation is the only way a man survives a woman. 

No instead I will fall to my knees wrap my arms around my bare chest and thank myself for finally waking the fuck up 

I will utter words of truth and thank myself for teaching me that love can be just as real with a man as is it for a woman. 

daddy dearest you may have raised a whore, but I gave birth to a God Damn Queen

I appreciate the conversations and support I’ve been given these past few days by some of you. Thank you for your kindness. 

if it didn’t hurt when a love walked away then I never would have the right to say I loved Ren in the first place. 

it hurts so much but I have to honor this pain I have to let it all out no matter how much it hurts because I love him so much. 

thank you for those who have been there for me. I love to talk and connect with people there’s so many other ways a slave can serve even free. 

oh the joys being pans hell horny and poly. 
life is a basket of complications and people are more than words or labels. Even ones that we may give ourselves. Can we really define who we are what we are or does fate just play a sick game of making us believe we are our own. 

i Miss the one I love the one I’m still loyal to The Who promised always and forever no matter what The Who promised to be there when I suffer. The whose gone because he couldn’t handle me loosing my shit. He couldn’t help me find my way through my mind when he had promised to be committed. I’m still in love with Ren. It hurts so much for a Man to give His woes then take it away. A Mans word is worth more than a woman’s in opinion. 

but anyways hello I am pansexual and demisexual at heart. 
Sometimes I get disrespected for who I am. One day I got beaten up by some of the high schoolers that I taught, because it apparently isn’t okay to be a teacher and support all the beautiful rainbows in the world.

I can be monogamous with the right person I can switch. All women trans women men idc it’s what is in your heart 😄 connection.

all people need human connection if COVID has taught us anything

so people should be respectful of others needs. 

Freedom is a bitch. You're left insecure. With no affirmation no conditioning no light. Just in a dark wallowed ball slowing forgetting who you once were and praying to have what was once. 

I'm heart broken mind broken. Broken broken. I need to be fixed. I want to be fixed. I want to stop I want to be me again. Passionate loving to serve hearing his voice seeing his smile. 

I'm in love with Ren, but he's gone.

God I miss the days where life was simply cloud gazing and finding star constellations that looked like dicks. 

Idk what I'm doing with my life. Everything is just so painful lately. 

How do you figure out what you want from life? Is it possible to avoid hurting people along the way?

All I ever seem to do is push the ones I love the most too fucking far and I don't even try. 

Is that lack a lack of empathy? Is it psychotic?

I'm a mess. 

I don't know how to correct my mistakes who I am without someone there above me teaching me what I need to do. Leading me by my hair and helping me understand the things I can not. 

I want someone to help to guide me to be patient and communicate with me what I'm missing, how I'm hurting them how to stop. But most importantly I need someone to teach me train me that how I show my love isn't how to love someone else. 

I need to know how to love someone correctly, but who do I have to teach me what love is. 

Not really anyone....the man I'm in love with doesn't have the patience to nurture my heart and I understand because I'm a fucking basket case who just can't seem to understand basic emotions

I'm in love with Ren.